Crying in Versace Fabrics…

It all started out so hazy, as clear as the picture shows I Still get a blur, late August On my Balcony in my Versace Robe there I sat, comfortable and snuggled on my lazy boy Patio furniture... Swiping pic after pic thinking out loud “Is this a joke” But, Reality never lets you think it’s a joke! I quietly spoke to myself… hmm something about the Moon That Warm Night. Something Didn’t Feel Right.

I know it was just a week ago, but agonizing love pain still haunts me.

Weeks later…

Talking to my best friend, “Brenda”. She looked over at me as I stared off into space, knowing she was looking at me consequently, she spoke softly “ Keith, you're Awesome, and You Deserve to get whatever you want... Although Sometimes you deserve more than what you want. I’m your Best Friend so I’ll always be in a relationship with you, so don’t take a break-up as you are Single we’re always Together... just not sexually of course.
“Thanks, Brenda, well you don’t have to Drop off my packages Friday I’ll handle them”…

“No worries Keith, if there is anything that I Could do to help just let me know…if you change your mind”. She said while in the vicinity of the Front Door.

I Totally Understood her as I gathered my legs underneath me and hugged my velvet pillow.

Curled across My Blue, Lovesack 4 seater furniture,With Showered Eyes I stared out the window, looking into the trees. Brenda knows how to make it seem like everything’s going to be okay and cool. Thank God I Have a Bestfriend…

I Turned to face Brenda and said “ I’m not coming to Game Night, Thanks for coming over… I’ll just Go into the Bedroom and meditate, also work is going to be rejuvenating, and what’s needed the most is a distraction of some well-satisfied client's.”

I was Working from home selling and making Candles while designing Dresses... That always seemed to have a positive effect on me. She hugged me and kissed my cheek. “Bye! Call me!” She said while fluttering out the door.

“It’s Just Another Sad Love Song,” I screamed from the shower, echoing the hallowed place I called home. (Toni Braxton) understands that Heartbreak could take some time. I will Blissfully get through this, although with a Staggering Emotional triumph… My Heart will carry on!

After a few weeks of Dealing with the Side Effects of being overwhelmed with the uneasy thoughts of being Love Lost…My Best Friend suggests I get a different scenery, so unwieldy I Drove 30mins Toward the campus to Brenda’s Apt Dorm.

While singing Aloud in my olive green Jeep. Against my window pane, I blurted. Singing Simultaneously, with Toni Braxton “Don’t you know he was my man, but I chose to let him go... He wasn’t man Enough for me!” My Favorite Sad artist of all time, I sang Along with her every word…My eye’s probably looked like a “Rasta” forever Blazing…Low and Red from painful, and consistent Tears; Streaming Down my AvonNow products Facially Nurtured, Smooth cheekbones and Peanut Brown Skin. I fought through Friday Night traffic. Strolling down the avenue, looking out into the distance. I saw Happy couples, Singles and Group of Friends also Partying Family members.

I arrived and To my surprise “Brenda” was in the parking lot, and a Short Brunette haired girl was Trotting off towards a Light Blue Box shaped ford. Brenda Greeted me and offered to help carry my Backpack upstairs... we had just talked on the phone so the plan was for me to get dressed and ready for a night of Dancing at our Favorite LGBT club called “Sangrias”…

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After being a “sack of potatoes” on Brenda’s couch for two days I finally arrived home to my one-bedroom condo uptown northside of Chicago. My mind was all over the place, but my heart was standing still. Another Break-up another day. I was a strong lover and I never regretted that but somethings and some people are not worth you standing still. I often tell myself I learned the hard way!

Pouring myself a glass of wine after I finally settled and prepared my bubble bath. I was thinking of the great signs I was seeing, which made me want more of the vision I have planted inside my mind, the overwhelming feeling of being Loved, I had installed in my heart. Maybe I was Too much for him or maybe I wasn’t enough. After the Bath, I grabbed my Robe and fruit salad and plopped on the sofa, and dimmed the lights low...

My desire for love and togetherness furthermore growth with another human has started to subside. I felt like my love sailed off into the Ocean, but It had left me…Laying at Bay I drowned in the sorrow of this thought. my face was Buried in my Versace Robe I cried. Maybe I Should have been Dreaming... Sheepishly I ignored those phone calls of petty. I have promised myself that I wouldn’t give into things that were beneath me nor dwell on the past. Right before bed I had finished up my last set of candles and was ready for shipping and delivering the next morning. After this chapter my life has gotten a little more complex. Now I just have to focus on things that couldn’t distract me or nearly hurt me.

Strolling across the campus of Columbia College Students perform as a rapidly growing community of walkers in the hope of getting to class on time. I shuffled my way through a crowd of Students just outside my classroom door. Finding my seat As the Professor called out my name “Keith, Could you tell me your opinion to the question that was on The Quiz?” Feeling Desolated and alone, had caused me to not study and I Destracted myself by making candles Every night. Thinking of something with “Sartorial Elegance” to reply to the professor took me no more than 30 seconds!
Okay, I made it through class half sane. I thought to myself as, I walked Down the Hallway. Up a Few Steps near the Gymnasium I turned the Corner Stopping at the library to return my overdue Books. Brenda nabs them as she say’s, “I don’t appreciate how you disregarded my phone calls!” “Keith, you didn’t meet up with me this morning. I would love to know, if you’re going to be my date for the pride parade Next weekend, are you still coming? or is your fashion Show getting in the way? Looking at me like a cashier waiting for the PIN number, she patiently waited for my response.

I know that I’m Finally going to be Graduating next year! I’ve Dreamed of Having an Amazing Fashion show Before Senior year, In the Auditorium. The college offers more than 120 academic programs, including architecture and interior design, photography, dance, television, theater, film, music composition, journalism, etc.

Brenda was my BestFriend and also My Lesbian LGBTQ Family! I had also abandoned her Lately… I replied “yes I will be attending with you.” Are you picking me up? she stared at me with a demanding look “Sure”... I said before Grabbing the other Books I needed before they were checked out by someone else... “Keith, Don’t Forget to Bring the Books Back, you can’t Have them” Brenda prescribed to me jokingly.

Saturday Had come and gone like a balloon floating in the air up into the sky, But eventually, Burst!

Early Monday morning Brenda and I made a quick Stop in our favorite coffee shop! Since she worked Part time at the school library Brenda Always had extra money. She’s paying for coffees today, Although her parents paid for literally everything!

Freshman year we created Gamenight on every other Thursday.. We now had more couples attending Thanks to Brenda getting a job in the Library, just so her parents can know she’s trying and could continue to Pay for Everything including her Rent. Small but spacious 1 bedroom dorm like apartment She resides. I admired “Brenda”she was a Clever Gal… she always Got her way! Well at least mostly… But we had been friends since Junior High. I loved Fashion and Dance. She loved photography and Girls. Each Game night from the beginning, I couldn’t keep up with the names of girls she’s had as Guess dates to Game night! Each couple would place bets to see if one girl would come back for a second game night which never happens because Brenda is a very promiscuous girl.

Back home in my Room, I Read a Post-it on my headboard “Think laterally about new ways of using limited resources". Sometimes Reading Motivational script’s and Quotes, keep me up!

This Fashion show was Going to be the Highlight of My years here spent at “Columbia College” I Needed all the planning Time I was Deserving. The Dates were set, My Fabulous Peach-skin fabric Was being used “To create this Beautiful Dress, tightly held like a bustier up Top with a fancy mermaid bottom. So Stylistically, This was my Favorite Piece! Not trying to sound so Demanding… I looked at My Fashion partner “Davii, “Put the Royalty Embossed stretch up-Top”. Seeing my vision he Smirked while nodding his Head yes!

Spending so much time here in Our “Fantastic Flash pad”is the name we gave our Designing Studio.” The smells of Fabric I Knew better than the names jokingly “Davii” would often say to me. “ I’m Glad I could help, your designs are Awesomely Put”. “Thanks, I said while walking a cycle around the Fancy Dress that was being stitched. I added a string of Pearls around the arm length Gloves Stopping Right Above The Wrist… “Beautiful” said Davii.. DayDreaming of the Moment when The Fantastic Fabric Queen “Donatella Versace” Could see My Ornate Designs. Weeks away from My “Fashionista Festival” I called my show. Marking off Days on my Calendar Kept Me sane with a Peculiar kind of Eagerness.

Brenda called early morning screaming into my phone. I held it back just a bit, to hear her say excitingly “ Meet me at the Coffee shop” I told her we would meet today to discuss photos that she would be taking for me at “The Fashion Show” my “Fashionista Festival” This would be the talk of the school.. My Fashions we’re going to be the Game changer for Designers Everywhere! With Brenda snapping Photos of Different angles, and Close ups on my Beautiful Fabrics and Designed ensembles.. I just knew I would be loaded with orders and High demands for my “Fashionista Festival” I planned to Have all the cameras I could find. Brenda being my BestFriend was gonna have the exclusive backstage up close Amazing Shots!

“Heyyy” we greeted each other while swarming in for Hugs... “Did you sleep well?” I said while holding the Thick woolen Door open as she entered.

“Yes,” she replied. Although I spent half the night worrying about Gabrielle! She was a girl I had seen Brenda with more than 1 time, lately but something was starting to feel strange.

I shook my head, and said “I don’t know BestFriend, but I feel like you should slightly Drift Away from that girl.” Asking , “why? Brenda turn and looked at me while motioning for me to move up in the coffee line. we chatted while patiently waiting for our coffee. “She’s always got you outside riding late nights through the city and there is nothing but Drama between her Family and Oh Gosh! The people she has dealt with before you!” I said with fire in my eyes and Concern in my Heart.

I really was proud that Brenda was actually Dating now but, something was unconventional about the girl she was Dating. We always had chilled moments and Great chat’s at the coffee shop! Looking over Brenda’s New camera, I Blushed knowing that Every picture would look Stunningly good and also happy for her Change. Thinking to myself “How long would this Relationship last? We departed ways after the Coffee shop. Always the Best times hanging with my Bestie. I thought while driving to FedEx I spent my Afternoon Delivering more packages before heading home.

Saturday Evening My Partner “Davii”called To say Brenda stopped by the “Flash Pad”. I told him it was Alright to let her look around and Flash Away! Feeling Excited and Worried because she hadn’t returned my calls after the night she called me and didn’t realize I had answered my phone… Hearing her background sent me into a frenzy and uproar over her phone I heard a commotion from the other end. I would wait for her to talk to me before announcing what I heard. She hadn’t and that worried me, because we talked about everything. I went to sleep Dreaming That Brenda had quit her job, and we had gotten into a Classy word fight with the Senior class over who was using the Auditorium, and my Fashion Show was ruined.. waking up Early I headed for the kitchen and Turned on the Coffee pot... “I must Meditate and Then Start my day”… I spoke out loud to myself.

From my EarPods you could hear the music blasting, as I walked the Treadmill. Pretending to be walking through millennium park Downtown as the wind blows my shoulder length Blonde Dreads. The Spring Time in Chicago, Green Grass, and Beautiful Flowers would Blossom and Spread the wonderful Smell of their Perfume into the Neighborhood air... I also imagined the sun Beaming Bright and warm on my face showing the highlights of my Hazelnut eyes. Getting back to the the habit of coming downstairs to the workout room felt Great!
Sunday I spent the Evening at Olive Garden Dining with my Grandma. “your Mom and Dad would have been so proud of you Baby!” My Grandma said while spreading Butter on the Hot Bundle of Garlic Breaded Rolls the waitress placed on our Table.

I said “Maybe this is How God’s plan was supposed to be” just you and me Grandma! I Loved her She Raised me all by herself. I oftentimes thought of my Dad and Mom. Recurrent Dreams Haunted me. “Maybe if he didn’t leave my Mom than she wouldn’t have left me”, I said to my Grandma looking up with Big child like watery Eyes. I remembered being 12 and wrapped in my Grandma’s warm arms she Hugged me and continued to pray and thank God for me. We Loved Eachother a Bunch! Brenda had became our other Family, although she had a big Family of her own! Arriving in the Driveway after dinner my grandma look over and said “baby stay the night” with her Mississippi accent. I’ll make you some fresh Breakfast come morning.” “Mmm” I said as if smelling Grandma’s sweet cooking “Okay sure.”

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My Special Day was Here and I was so Ready!!

Walking through the auditorium, I squeezed my head around Every door in search of Brenda!

How could she be running late, today is My Big Day! I was nervous and Handsome, Dialing her number in my IPhone once again voicemail. Trying not to panic as I said “Hey Mr.Tillman I was wondering if you had heard from your Daughter Brenda”

“No” he said, but her mom would like to speak to you “Sure” I said.

After Hanging up the phone with Mrs.Tillman the phone call made me wonder if Brenda hadn’t talked to her mom and Dad in a whole week something was definitely not Right. I went to the library to leave a note in case she came by just to tell her to immediately stop by the auditorium.

It was my Special Day and I Definitely needed My BestFriend by my side.

Coming from backstage. I Blushed at a Glance of the Guy from the Coffee shop “ He winked at me” while I passed by. I’m sure Brenda invited him knowing I would shy away from an invitation to the guy, I often had wonderful daydreams about. We would jokingly talk about how he always Greeted me in the Morning or him waiting for us to make it to the front of the coffee line, and always asked if I wanted my usual. “Devin” was his name which I learned later, mmm he was tall chocolate and perfectly Built for me. Smiling and Shyly... I walked by, still feeling his stare I looked back a peep and our eyes met again. This time he gestured for me to wait as he “swiftly and smoothly walked over to greet me, and even asked if he could call sometimes. Everything inside me told me to Run and scream for Brenda! I said “yes” and watched as he smiled like a guy on a Toothpaste commercial from Ear to Ear. “Bet” he said while then Turning away in his Blue cashmere Ralph Lauren sweater he headed back to his seat.

Heading for my dressing room Ready to Wrap myself in my Resplendent Versace Suit for the Beginning of My “Fashionista Festival” I sashayed away.

People were starting to Arrive and I was starting to Deflate... what was going on because there was a harrowing Feeling I Couldn’t Escape. My BestFriend needed me somehow and I wasn’t able to help her. I needed my BestFriend ugh… 5 minutes had gone through the time zone and I thought I had heard a Herd of Elephants storming Down the Hall and fumbling through the Door, Davii Said, “Please Come with me!”

For weeks I Still couldn’t believe that this Had Happened. Not Brenda! She was Brave, she was Awesome and the Best person I Knew. What kind of person would have done this! Shockingly I found out the Girl Gabrielle had been an Escort and her dude well “pimp”was Threatening Brenda to stay away from her, But How come Gabrielle hadn’t been charged as a suspect of the Murder?

Remembering the way I had Received this news.. The Day of My First Fashionable Event..After Putting on my Well Tailored Versace Suit. Panicking I Couldn’t Breathe “Someone Take this Off of Me! I Screamed while Ripping the Jacket Off…I Fell Hard to the Ground a total Blackout came over me...

“This morning my phone Rang, but I couldn’t really make out what the caller was saying..” I said to the Detective

“This number keeps calling me, I’m sure you could use a tracker?”