Confession Time

It is all I have dreamed of. I have dreamt this before. This park, that stands before us. Which calls to what feels like just the two of us. Inspiring is its colourful structure, the bright vast and sprawling metal tubes that reach and twist meters long and meters high with things to climb up and things to slide down. We stand together, hand in hand, both just as excited to explore, but where first?



We climb up the closest structure, a banana-yellow vertical wall with indents to insert your hands and feet. I begin climbing first, with Camilo beneath me, head butting my behind. 



“Alright, alright, I’m going as fast as I can." Both of us laughing like innocent children unable to contain our nonsense because we are in the place of our dreams. 


It is only until we reach the top and stand up on the platform, that I realise how high we have climbed. Even though we have not reached the end yet, I already feel that coming here was the best decision we could have made. 



A long enclosed tunnel awaits us ahead. We crawl into it, slowly, carefully, as if we are entering through another world that requires us to push ourselves, delicately, into it. Small circular holes decorate the tunnel, allowing little beams of sunlight that cannot be beaten by the darkness to shine through, twinkling onto us, onto our faces, onto our bodies. I turn around, and still on our knees, we lean into each other, and kiss, in the middle of what feels like space, the stars so close, resting on us, their warmth entering in us. As we kiss, I let my eyes open slightly, to capture this moment, to hold it now and to remember it for later. I watch as the stars illuminate different areas of his face, the corner of an eye, the bridge of his nose, the scar on his forehead. I want to kiss all of those areas. I remember, the very first time I saw his face, turning my attention towards him and introducing myself, and I remember, feeling like the night sky lowered and the stars were all around him, and I remember thinking, he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. And now, this is the closest thing I will have to kissing him amongst those stars.



The full sunlight waits for us as we pull ourselves out of the tunnel. Camilo points to an area of the equipment on the other side, a point still far for us to reach as we have lots more to explore before then. He points to one of the largest slides there, it is so steep that it looks almost like a free fall. 



“Let's do that one!” He says, so enthusiastically and innocently.



I immediately shake my head. 



He tries to reassure me, “It's okay, we’ll go together.” 



My legs weaken and my chest hurts, I stiffen in fear at just the thought of it. 



“No, I can’t, not yet. At the end...maybe...if we have to, but definitely together.”

I feel like a little baby, almost wanting to cry. Luckily, he sees this on my face and doesn't press on anymore. He quickly distracts me with the smaller slide in our area that will take us to another level to explore. 



“Okay, let's go down this one," he says, just as excited. And yes, this one is much better.

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After what is a couple of hours in real time, but what feels too short in our time, we stand in the middle of the park, admiring all we have conquered, breathing heavily together. I listen to Camilo's respiration, noticing how it is in sync with mine. There is something that feels familiar when standing here, maybe it is standing next to the man I have spent many years of my life with, with whom I have shared a home, a bed, shared tears, and shared laughter with. How much more there is to share together. Even though nothing has really changed, married life with Camilo feels complete, like we have come full circle together and will be joined in this circle, continuously, infinitely. It feels like there is so much more waiting for us, to share together, born from the space between our skin, waiting for us while we kissed next to the stars, waiting now, but there, just for us. He pulls me in closer and we are facing each other. One hand slides on my hip and the other hand in mine, and we begin to slow dance, to no music, just to this moment, dancing in this light. I remember, on our first date an Italian live band was playing outside a restaurant, and we stood listening and he asked how would you dance to this romantic music, and I said you would slow dance, and he asked me to show him, and our bodies touched for the first time, and I remember thinking, I want to slow dance with him for all of my life, as slowly and as slowly as we can, dancing under the lamp, dancing through it all, dancing so beautifully while the darkness moved in closer. And now here we are, years later and still dancing in the light. 



He gestures to the cafe across the road, “Wait here, I’ll buy some water for us, I’ll be back.”



Our hands slowly slide away from each other. I watch him all the way as he enters the cafe. And then I breathe all that I am in right now. The familiar feeling, a slight sadness, a slight longing, the kind of longing I felt when I met Camilo, a longing for...for...but I am not alone anymore. A young lady, maybe in her twenties, is standing near me, watching me, smiling. I feel a little embarrassed. I smile back and laugh a little. 



“Hello.”



“Hello," she responds back.



Our eyes are still watching each other. I’m not sure to say more or to leave her alone. But I see something change in her eyes. I hear footsteps running towards us. I turn around thinking or really hoping it is Camilo coming back to me, but it is a little girl running towards us. The young lady rushes in front and picks her up, taking the little girl into her arms and pressing her tightly close to her. The little girl holds a brown paper package, she clutches it firmly against her chest and then pushes it towards the young lady, softly speaking her name, but I barely hear it. The young lady pushes the package slightly back to the little girl.

I smile once more and go to turn around, but the young lady says,
 “We are waiting for our parents.” 



“From another time,” the little girl adds.



I feel like crying.



“Place. From another, place,” corrects the older sister. 



The two girls continue staring. There is something in their eyes that make me feel like crying, that echoes inside of me.



“Me and my husband can wait with you till they come, if you like?”



“Thank you, but that's okay. They should be here soon.” And I watch them walk away. 



A ringing in my ears begin, I am uncertain if it's from outside or inside of me. Something is running. Another time? Where is this time? Whose time am I in, where did it begin and end and why do I think time has found me and not that I have found time? Something is running away. Running, I thought I was running through time, always to the moment when we met, from which everything will run. But maybe time is running through me instead. Or running towards. Or running away. I want to catch it or hold on to it. I'm afraid of what happens when the ringing stops.



I turn around and see Camilo outside of the cafe, watching from afar. I don't wait for him to come to me, instead I start running towards him. He catches me in his arms and I squeeze him tight, so tight and say against his chest, hoping it penetrates to his heart, "I missed you.”



I’m not sure if he hears me but then he whispers in my ear, “I missed you too, let's not be apart from each other again.”



I don't want to. I won’t, is what I want to say but somehow I can't get the words out.



We start to walk back to the dock to catch the ferry home. I wrap myself around his arm, he is looking at me as we walk. I want to tell him but first my mind is busy, busy trying to retrace a memory, a few months ago at home during dinner, what was it, the air of the first letter floating in my mind but I also know I am blocking it.

But I ask anyway, “What was that name you said you liked for a daughter?”


He continues looking at me, he seems hesitant.



“Ariel, I like the name Ariel.” 



The name echoes in my mind, echoes a few moments ago in the park. I did hear it. My heart and stomach drop. I want to laugh, I want to cry. 



“I think I just met our future daughters. They said they were waiting for their parents…from another time.” 



Camilo is still looking at me, but his face doesn't change, and I think about his face while he was watching us from afar, like he felt the same thing I did and is feeling it right now. That somehow, for some reason, a part of our time that seems so far away has come so close. It is waiting for us, and existing just for us.

 I wonder what was in the brown paper package the little girl was holding, our little girl, what did you want to give to me?



I turn my head around to see if I can see them. I want to know them now, I have so many questions to ask them. But Camilo's arm locks tightly around mine just at this moment, he knows what I am thinking, and he is right, it is best we don't know yet. But whatever is waiting for us, thank you and I love you. I turn my head back around and look at him, through the corner of my eyes. I’m imagining all the beautiful moments that are yet to come with him, my heart longs for all these moments, it longs for more time with him and because of him I never want to - 



His voice breaks me out of my thoughts.



“Careful.”



A rock sticks out from the ground, he grabs on to my waist and gently lifts me up over it. He pulls me into him, and kisses me and I am reminded of our time being born in the space between our skin, that will one day explode into little stars and forever be dancing and burning in the darkness. But in this moment, I am neither living nor dying, I just am.