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Comedian Talk; part 8 of 3-way

Jerry Seinfeld fanfiction

By Melissa IngoldsbyPublished 3 years ago Updated 3 years ago 12 min read
Comedian Talk; part 8 of 3-way
Photo by antonio molinari on Unsplash

Estelle Costanza was brought into the hospital room within a half of an hour from the time Jerry arrived, and she looked very weak. Jerry had found out through Elaine that George’s mother had been having an increasingly difficult time getting enough oxygen and that her on and off again swelling problems around the neck had gotten so bad, George believed she was choking on something at one point. All of this amounted to another emergency hospital stay and they had found out the late stage thyroid cancer diagnosis was finally released and confirmed.

“Fra-Frank?” She asked with a small cough.

George got up, and ran over to his mother. “No, no, ma. It’s me, George. I’m here. And so is Jerry and Elaine.”

“Where’s Frank?” She asked, her tone persistent.

“Ma, dad passed away a few years ago. Remember?” George carefully said.

“No; you’re wrong! Bring him here.”

George sighed sadly, looking at Elaine and Jerry with a defeated glance. Elaine goes over to George and puts her arm around his shoulder.

“It’ll be okay, George,” Elaine says in a whisper, and George nodded. Jerry goes over and takes his hand, squeezes it quickly and then goes to try and talk to the doctor about the diagnosis and what could be done, but the doctor wasn’t really giving him much information.

“Can you still give her some form of treatment to help her, like for the pain or to help with the symptoms—-even if she doesn’t want chemo?” Jerry asked.

“Are you family of the patient?” The doctor asked.

Jerry shook his head. “No. But, George has been through a lot today and I’m sure he feels the same..”

“Are you his cousin? A friend?”

“I’m a close… I’m very close to the family, okay?” Jerry angrily replied.

Elaine gives George a gentle look and then goes over to Jerry, taking his hand softly. “Come on, honey, let the doctor do his thing. We can figure it out with George in a minute.”

The doctor helped Estelle get settled back into the room and then with George, went over a few things, some treatment options, plans for care, and also what will happen in the event of not agreeing to treatment: less than six months left best case scenario.

“She’s also been having this cold for several weeks, is it the flu?” George asked.

“Actually that’s one of the signs of a possible cancer diagnosis. This cold hasn’t gone away for how long?” The doctor replied.

“Almost a month,” George said miserably.

“Yea, doc, I gotta question,” Elaine butted in. “If his mother isn’t fully aware of what’s going on… is it… can she still refuse treatment like this? I mean… she still thinks her husband is alive. I… we all think she should get some form of treatment for this. She can’t be left with nothing.”

The doctor, who was a middle aged, fit Indian man, looked at the trio in a very pragmatic and stern way, and said, “Mr. Costanza, do you let your friends speak for your family like this? I don’t think it’s appropriate.”

George laughed nervously, but then looked at Elaine and Jerry with a knowing glance. “I’m sorry, I know this is a bit odd, but they are more like my partners than just my friends… and what Elaine just queried to you was actually what I was just thinking. So, yes, they may not make the decisions, but they are very welcome to speak their mind on my behalf.”

“You must be kidd…” the doctor started, but put his hands on his head in an exasperated way and sighed. “Okay, sir, listen. If you feel your mother does not have the mental and cognitive capacity to make legal decision in a rational manner, you must take this in a case with the judicial court. They make that final call, and if it is determined that the de jure incompetent, as the court calls them, cannot make the right decisions on their own behalf for their own personal well-being and health, then the court will assign a proper guardian to make those decisions for them.” He looked over at Jerry and Elaine. “And, unfortunately, due to COVID restrictions, one of your.. partners… will have to leave. We only allow a maximum of two guests per patient.”

George frowned deeply. “They allowed Jerry to come in here.”

“Yes, I see that,” The doctor nodded. “That was an oversight on our part. We have been extremely busy and understaffed. So, please, take shifts if you must, but, we can only take two guests per patient every four hours until visiting hours are over.”

“I’ll go,” Elaine said, looking irritated and adjusting her mask. “But, I’ll be back, okay, guys?”

Jerry frowned, and George halfheartedly nodded.

The doctor nodded again, and said, “We will be checking on her periodically. Your nurse on duty is named Trisha. Let us know if we can do anything.”

George nodded, but looked even more upset than before. The doctor left the room.

“Laney, don’t go.”

“George, I’ll be back. Don’t worry,” Elaine reassured him. “You got Jerry here. He’ll be here for you.”

She took off her mask and went over to kiss George on the cheek, near his mouth.

Then, she got close to Jerry and whispered, “Take good care of him, Jerry. He’s not okay,” and then kissed him on the same exact spot near his mouth.

“I will,” Jerry answered softly, feeling more in control of his emotions at this moment. He saw George was at his mother’s side. She looked like she was asleep, or least had her eyes closed.

“I love you guys so much,” she said passionately, and then sighed and put her mask back on.

George got up and hugged Elaine, “Thanks, darling, for everything, love you too.”

He kissed the top of her head, and she hugged him again.

She gave Jerry another hug.

“Love you too, Laney,” Jerry said, feeling more emotionally drained than anything.

She nodded and waved.

“Text and call,” she said to them, leaving the hospital room in a sad shuffle.

The silence that pervaded the room once Elaine had left made Jerry want to scream, and so he decided to look over all the paperwork.

Apparently, they were looking to have Estelle leave the hospital by tomorrow. Not much could be done with a patient that refused almost all care and services.

George felt like fainting, but went over to Jerry, and sat next him. Well, more like—went practically on his lap, and was laying awkwardly on Jerry’s shoulder.

“Ah, baby?” Jerry said softly.

“Ye… yea?” George lazily drawled out.

“You wanna go home and rest a bit? I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“I won’t leave. Leave you or her. Never,” George said in a confident hazy voice, and closed his eyes again.

“You want me to grab some coffee or something for you to eat?”

George shook his head. “I’m okay, babe.”

“Well, I might grab-”

“George!” Estelle yelled. They both jumped up like a shot, and George ran over to her.

“Yeah, ma?”

“What’s going on?”

“You… you’re in the hospital. Remember?”

“No. Why?”

“Ma.. you got… you have.…” George couldn’t finish the sentence with the last word, cancer. It felt too real to say it out loud, to really hear it between the two of them, and he wanted to pretend the word didn’t exist for a moment.

“Who is that over there?” She asked, pointing to Jerry.

“That’s Jerry. You know Jerry. He’s my…” George goes dark red and looked over at the other as they share a knowing glance.

“Why were you sitting on his lap?”

George took in a deep breath. “I had lost my balance. You know? And, I… uh, needed someone to help me. To not fall.”

Estelle sits up a bit and gives him a hard stare. “Don’t lie to me, George. Your father and I always thought you were a bit funny. I suspected as much. Then, I read that thing in the papers of you being in love with Jerry. Now, you’re here with him, sitting on his lap. He’s over there, holding you. I don’t appreciate lying, George.”

George looked down and then at his mother, a frantic mix of emotions hitting his body and face, almost like a hard slap. Already slumped and body language looking closed off, it looked to Jerry as if George had gone back in time and changed back into a even more timid, possibly twelve year old version of himself. Now, he had devolved into an even younger child—-maybe five years old at this point.

Then, George looked at him in a pleading way. Jerry didn’t want to interfere, yet he so badly wanted to.

Jerry mouthed out the words, “Just tell her.”

George looked at him in a mix of nervousness and physical nausea, but nodded.

“Well? What’s going on?” Estelle pressed.

“Well, mother…” George took in a deep breath, readying himself to just say it. “Jerry and I are…”

“You’re both funny, I get it,” Estelle finished, and then looked at Jerry with a bit of a smile.

“He is funny, ma, you do know he’s a comedian, right?”

“No, no. I meant the other kind of funny.”

“Well, I’m… I’m in love with him,” George said loudly. “and I’m in love with Elaine.”

What?” Estelle yelled, sitting up all the way. She was having trouble at first, and George helped her. “You can’t do that! You can’t be two-timing that pretty lady and then this weirdo comedian too! That’s what those dumb sit-coms are for! Not real life! What’s wrong with you?”

George sighed, and out both of his hands over his face.

Jerry had finally had enough, and got up, going over to the estranged pair.

“Mrs. Costanza, I can appreciate and understand why you’re upset and confused,” Jerry started calmly, “but your son… he’s not… he’s not two-timing either of us. We know about it. You see, it’s not… we are all in a committed relationship together. It’s not some weird, freaky thing, I can attest to that,” Jerry visibly cringed at his own description, and then meets her eyes. The glare hits him like a shard of sharp glass. “Look. I know this is very unorthodox, and it’s not what you grew up seeing…”

“No, never!” Estelle defiantly replied.

“But, you ever… did you ever see your son truly happy… really happy with anyone in the whole course of his years? He’s had countless women under his arm. Beautiful women. Nice women. I think… he’s never been fully satisfied. In an emotional way, I mean.”

Estelle nodded, and Jerry felt a bit surprised she agreed even for an instant with him. “Well… I mean, he always seemed so eager to be single again. Even after being engaged to that woman. I think he needs someone to whip him into shape. That Elaine seems the kind of woman to do that for my George.” Estelle paused and looked at Jerry intensely. As though he were a specimen and she were the scientist looking at him through a very strong telescope.

“Do you love my son? Will you take care of him after I’m gone?”

George put his hands down from his face and had his eyes full of tears. “Don’t say that, mom.”

“Dear, I’m talking to your comedian over here, give us some space,” Estelle said to her son softly, and George laughed nervously, getting up and whispering to Jerry, “Sorry about this, Jer, I’ll be right back. I’ll get you a strong espresso.”

Jerry swallowed hard and secretly tried to touch George’s hand as he left.

George felt it, and grinned, walking out of the room.

“Oh, sweetheart, you forgot your mask!” Jerry said, grabbing George’s mask, and went over to him.

“Oh, thank… thanks,” George laughed, looking at Jerry like he was about to kiss him.

“No problem,” Jerry replied, biting his lower lip slowly. He did it to tease George—-he knew he liked women who did that. On TV and on film. He said it looked sexy—-and Jerry hoped that the fact that he was doing it didn’t change the way it effected him.

“Jer?” He gave Jerry a soft, half lidded gaze, licking his lips unconsciously.

Jerry merely smiled and winked at him, and at that, gives him the mask. ‘Yup, that worked on him,’ Jerry thought slyly.

“Jerry Seinfeld, you get your tuchus over here!” Estelle yelled, and the couple jumped again.

“I guess she does remember me!” Jerry said cheekily, going to her.

Once George was gone, Estelle started up her questions again.

Will you take care of him?”

“Of course I will. But, I want you to know that … that this relationship between the three of us is something I take very seriously. No funny business. And.. We will all take care of each other. I’ll be honest, I think I’ve always loved your son. It just took me a long time to realize how much…. To what extent I really loved him. George and I have always supported one another—-took the time out of our schedules to help each other with anything we ever needed. He’s a great person. You raised a beautiful son. I mean it. And I think he deserves to be happy. Don’t you?”

“I just don’t… I don’t understand how two men can love each other the way a woman and a man can,” Estelle answered softly.

“Well, when Frank was sick, what did you do? Get him warm towels, make him soup? Check his temperature? Give him support and care? What about when he was happy or had accomplished something big? Were you just as happy if not more happy for him?”

Estelle was nodding so much she felt dizzy.

“That’s how it’s the same, Mrs. Costanza, because everything you just said you felt and did is what George and I feel and do. Even without the romantic feelings—-we do that. We just care about each other so much. And Elaine—-it’s the same with her, too.”

Estelle nodded slowly. “Do I have thyroid cancer? I keep forgetting and then I remember it, but I can’t bring it up in front of my son. He is torn apart because of it.”

Jerry looked a bit conflicted but then said, “Yes, you do. I’m so sorry. Would you please consider getting some… any treatment for it? They say if you do, you can definitely give yourself some more time. More time with your son.”

Estelle ran her manicured fingers through her stiff, curly, dyed strawberry blonde curls. Jerry noticed her roots were coming through, gray and dark blondish. “I’m very old. I know I may not look it, but I’m way past my prime. And I know how chemo works. I know how it’ll wear my body down. I had friends go through it. I will be even more tired than I already am. I won’t be able to spend time with my son because I’ll be in and out oncology appointments, surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation therapy. No thanks. I’m too old for this tirade. Maybe if I was twenty years younger.” She softened her look. “And really, how much time were they all saying I’d have if I did go through all of this garbage?”

Jerry sighed, “Six months, maybe.”

“And I’m sure that is a very nice, generous estimate, too. I’d have to say that really I’d have less.”

Jerry frowned and shook his head, “You shouldn’t give up, Mrs—”

“Call me Estelle, dear,” she said with a warm smile.

“Estelle,” Jerry began, sighing softly, “please don’t give up. They say that the number one killer of older people is retirement. I think retirement can mean many things. Not just work. It can mean not getting up and going to the store like you used to. But… giving up your whole life because you don’t want to fight is much more serious. Please think about it.”

Estelle leaned forward, and put her hand on Jerry’s face.

“You have a kind soul. I can see it in your eyes. I can appreciate why George likes you. Why he gravitated toward you all these years. He always was attached to you by the hip. Even before this. I see how you look at him. How he looks at you. It’s dynamite. Elaine had something sparked up for George too. And all of you together is like an atom bomb,” she laughed. “I still don’t understand it all. Maybe I don’t need to. It’s love, after all. They say that love is blind, but I see it right now. Before my eyes, and it’s very good. You’re good.”

She moved in closer and held him close. “I don’t think I’ll need to worry.”

“Will you reconsider the treatment?”

“Maybe. I’ll think.”

“Thank you.”

George comes in, looked more tagged than ever, with a cup of coffee.

“Jer, I got you an espresso.”

Jerry and Estelle looked at one another and smiled, as he got up and went over to George.

“Thank you, George,” Jerry said, taking to paper cup. “Your mother might consider getting the treatment, after all,” He whispered, making George beam.

The first smile he had seen on him all day.

“Really? Oh, my God, really?” George smiled.

Jerry shushed him gently. “Don’t bring it up. She said she’ll think on it.”

He nodded, “Thank you for talking to her.”


George jumped a bit, and went over to his mother.

“You better keep that one. He’s a good one. Maybe not as funny as you always said, but he’s definitely a good one!”

George sighed, but then laughed happily, saying, “Yes, mother, I will.”

Fan Fiction

About the Creator

Melissa Ingoldsby

I am a published author on Patheos,

I am Bexley by Resurgence Novels

The Half Paper Moon on Golden Storyline Books for Kindle.

The Job, The Space between Us and Atonement published by JMS Books this year!!

Carnivorous published by Eukalypto

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