Comedian

I told these jokes a thousand times. When people heard them, they shook their heads and then they laughed. So, why not take my show on the road?

The 'Bonny Laughter' was a comedy club where all amature comedians could try their hand at the craft of laughter. I took the stage with overt enthusiasm. I intoduced myself and went to it.

"What do you get when you cross Mick Jagger with Napoleon Bonaparte? A big-lipped tyrant who can sing and dance his way out of a tight situation. Hey! that sounds like my landlord and his trial with the Better Housing Authority!"

That joke didn't sit well with the hard-core Rolling Stones fans sitting in the front row. Woo, they were maaaaad. And the Napoleon Bonaparte joke made the Napolean Bonaparte Historical Society Patrons a bit miffed I must say.

"Get off the stage!" a gruff voice shouted from the audience. "You're not funny!" another voice shouted from the back of the room.

"Aw, shut up," I fired back. "I'm a comedian, this is what I do."

If you're a comedian, then I'm George Washington." A gruff biker dude said from the front row.

"Ya look more like Willie Nelson on steroids." I shot back. There was some laughter from crowd at that one, but you could see that the biker dude was getting a bit angry.

"Dude," I said, trying to squash things. "Let me finish my bit."

"You were finished before ya' stahted!" A woman shouted from the center of the room. "Let somebody up on the stage who's funny!"

"I'm offended by that remark, Madame." I replied

"Who cares!" she shouted back. "Get off the stage."

"I'll get off the stage on one condition, Ma'am." I replied.

"And what's that?" she asked

"Take off that ghastly orange wig."

"It's all real and natural, honey." she shouted again.

"Real and natural?" I scoffed. Who's your stylist, Rondald McDonald? Did you get a free cheeseburger with the wash and the perm?"

The groans and murmurs from the crowd were becoming louder as I continued my act.

"Why did Robespierre cross the road? I asked, smiling at the crowd. "To get a head?" I laughed, they didn't.

Boo's could be heard all through the room, but I persevered.

"I intend to make you all laugh before I step down from this stage." I said, walking the length of the stage and looking out at the audience. "Y'all gon' laugh at me."

"You couldn't make us laugh if you paid us!" A man shouted from a corner of the room. "You suck!"

"Awfully tight in that corner, ain't it old chum?" I retorted. "Paid half-price?"

"It's a birthday gift from my wife," he replied. "And you're ruining it."

"Your wife paid for those seats?" I asked, staring directly at him. "I don't see her sitting next to you."

"She went to the ladies room." he said, staring back at me. And I hope you're off before she gets back. "

"I think she went to take a long stretch before she has to cramp back into that tight space you call seats." I replied, staring at him again. "If she's all cramped up, man, you ain't gettin no birthday nookie."

With that, the man rushed the stage. He charged at me and I side stepped and shouted 'Holay' and bowed. He crashed into one of the back curtains, got caught in it, and tore it down.

The biker dude and the 'Stones' fans all rushed the stage too. They came at me with a fury. But just as they got close enough to grab me, some planks on the aged wooden stage gave way. Biker dude's foot got caught just as he was about to grab my shirt. His foot went through the floor and then he did too. The 'Stones' fans all plummeted down right after him. The guy that got caught in the curtain was still rolling around trying to free himself but was having some trouble trying to do so.

The manager and the staff stood frozen. They couldn't believe what were seeing. If their looks could kill, I'd've been dead.

DO YOU THINK THEY'LL INVITE ME BACK?