Clown Alley

“A person sure does see all kinds of things and types as a bartender,” thought Billy, as he wiped off the empty end of the bar for the third time since opening forty minutes ago.

Billings is a college town, but it’s a college town in Montana, and so it wasn’t exactly true that Billy saw all kinds of things. He saw bikers, families who come in for the Sunday brunch, students trying to use fake IDs, the town drunks, and skiers or hikers, depending on the season.

With the freeway running right through town, you sometimes see folks on a cross-country trip, but not as often as a person would think. Most of them stick to the fast food at the top of the off ramp.

Billy hated working the early shift during the week. That new hostess was okay to talk to, he guessed, when she wasn’t complaining about her boyfriend or talking about astrology.

These strangers, though, Billy didn’t quite know what to make of. They clearly weren’t father/daughter. Firstly – she was some kind of Asian and he was white. She seemed young enough to be his daughter, or niece maybe. Some kind of mail order bride thing? But why did she have all the money? And, lordy was she spending! None of it added up. They were both pretty grimy like they’d been camping, and the only campers who carry that kind of cash are the survivalists, and they don’t spend it.

Clearly there was something illegal going on. But, live and let live. They weren’t causing trouble yet, but he’d keep an eye on them.

And he did keep an eye on them, and they wouldn’t even know he was doing it. He’d pretend to watch the TV, or to wash glasses. But, he knew something wasn’t quite right and he was going to figure out what was going on and report it to the police.

As he was secretly keeping an eye on them, the damnedest thing happened – something he’ll never be able to explain if he lives to be a thousand.

The couple of crooks, or perverts, or whatever were drinking their second glasses of Scotch when there was some kind of intense light that filled the bar, and when it went away, the couple had DISAPPEARED!

Billy looked around the bar for anyone else who may have seen the light and the disappearance. The hostess – what was her name again? Was it Cassondra? Shauna? – was coming out of the bathroom.

“Did you see that?”

“See what?”

“A flash of light. Then when it went away, those two at the bar were gone!”

“They paid, though, right?”

“Well, yeah, but I swear they didn’t leave through the door – it was like they were there and then boom and they weren’t.”

Cassondra laughed and pretended to look for them under the bar.

“I’m serious. And do you smell that? Like a kind of a Sulphur smell? That wasn’t here before they disappeared. They say the devil has a smell like Sulphur. I knew those two were trouble from the second they walked in here.”

Cassondra knew that the sulfur smell was from the giant shit she just took – the way the bar was laid out was like a cruel joke on women, with the women’s room right there in the middle of the bar where everyone can see and smell the comings and goings.

“No, I don’t smell a thing,” she said, “But I think you need some fresh air. I’ll prop open the door. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Billy knew he was okay. People don’t leave forty dollars in Scotch on the bar top. He walked close behind Cassondra to the door and stood outside smoking and looking up and down the street for them. When he came back inside, he combined the pours of Scotch into one glass and took a sip. No, they had totally just vanished, and Billy was now pretty sure it was the devil who took them. He sat down on a bar stool and made the sign of the cross with his shaking hand holding the quadruple Scotch.