Clarity

Lilly stormed down the long corridor towards Lady Aldridge’s room, with Percy following close behind her.

“Please stop. Let me explain Lilly,” he pleaded, touching her shoulder.

She shrugged him off, “No need. It’s very clear to me that you were NOT indeed thinking at all, and it’s Miss Evans if you don’t mind Mr. Aldridge.”

“Lilly –”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me I need to get your mother ready for dinner tonight”, she shot him a glare before walking into Mrs. Aldridge’s suite and closing the door firmly behind her.

“Is that you Miss Evans?” a voice called out from the direction of the closest bedroom.

Lilly stifled a frustrated groan and did her best to shake off her anger at Percy, no, Mr. Aldridge, before going to face his mother.

“Yes ma’am,” Lilly called before entering the spacious bedroom where Mrs. Aldridge sat in front of her vanity contemplating three pairs of silk gloves. “Have you decided on what you would like to wear this evening?”

“And is my son still trailing after you like a sad pup?” ignoring Lilly’s question completely.

“Of course not ma’am,”

“Oh,” the old woman with long hair the color of polished steel turned her disbelieving gaze upon Lilly, “did he finally listen to the advice of his mother to start pursuing a more appropriate young woman?”

“I wouldn’t know my lady. I simply just left him outside.”

“Hmph, well I suppose that is what one does with a misbehaving puppy.”

Lilly tried to hide the amused smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“The dark green dress with black trim tonight Miss Evans.” Mrs. Aldridge continued, going back to her gloves.

Obediently, Lilly fetched the gown from the closet along with the matching shoes and accessories before coming back to help Mrs. Aldridge with her hair.

“Anything special for tonight ma’am?”

“No just the usual Miss Evans.”

Lilly worked quietly on the elderly woman’s hair trying to be careful not to pull a single strand. Under normal circumstances Maude, Mrs. Aldridge’s usual lady’s maid, would have made the trip with her Lady, but thanks to Mr. Aldridge’s meddling Lilly ended up going instead.

Strangely enough, the two women were a united force against Mr. Aldridge's pursuit of Lilly, though for entirely different reasons. Mrs. Aldridge wished for her son to advance the estate by marrying a young rich lady with business connections. Lilly on the other hand had never told Mrs. Aldridge why she was apposed to marrying the woman's son, but it mattered little to the old woman so they both left it at that.

“Miss Evans,” Mrs. Aldridge said, startling Lilly out of her thoughts. “I do not plan on staying late this evening so you may expect me back directly after dinner.”

“Yes ma’am.”

~~~

Early the next morning Lilly found herself alone walking along the promenade deck that was shrouded in a thick layer of fog with only a sliver of morning light turning everything to glittering white and gold.

Lilly couldn’t even see four deck chairs down the walk let alone the waves below, but she could hear them crashing against the ship as it forged ahead.

“I’m surprised to see you up at this hour.”

Lilly jumped at the sudden appearance of Percy at her side. “For the love of all that’s good Percy, don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“I’m sorry Lilly, I didn’t mean to. Might I walk with you this morning?”

“Do you need anything from me Mr. Aldridge?” she asked remembering herself. Though, she couldn’t help but feel a stab of guilt to see his crestfallen face at her calling him so unfriendly.

“No, I just desire to be in your company this morning Lilly.”

“Be careful Mr. Aldridge, someone might misunderstand you.”

“Would that really be so bad?”

“For you or for me?” Lilly stopped to look him square in the eyes as she continued, “Need I remind you that despite the fact we spent the latter half of our childhoods together we are from very different stations in life. You might be able flirt with the help and walk away with your reputation none the worse for wear but I certainly cannot.”

Lilly saw the anger burning in his honey colored eyes, the muscles in his jaw flexed. “Is that really what you think of me?” he asked, “Do you really think so little of me that I would lead a girl on, lead you on, only to drop you when it suits me?”

“Of course not, but –”

“But what Lilly? Can’t you see that I love you? That I’ve been in love with you for years?”

Lilly turned away, heart pounding and tears gathering in her eyes as an uncomfortable silence fell over them.

“You’ll find someone else.” Lilly finally said.

“Do you really feel nothing for me?”

Lilly risked meeting his gaze again, “I don’t.”

Another silence.

She watched the pain and rejection war behind Percy’s eyes before for the first time she felt him slam a wall down between them. His face became a mask as he tipped his head towards her, “Then I won’t take up any more of your time.”

Lilly watched him turn and walk away into the mist. Her breaths turning ragged and tears running freely down her face, she turned and nearly ran the opposite direction to the back of the ship stopping only when she reached the railing, clinging onto it as if her life depended on it, her mind and heart at war.

Her heart begged her to trust him, to accept the love, warmth, and safety he offered, but her mind rebelled against it, warning her that it was only a matter of time before something changes. That he would leave her when others scorned him for falling in love with a lowly maid, or she embarrassed him in front of his peers because she didn’t know the proper etiquette.

How many friends had she known to have their hearts broken or reputations ruined because they believed the honeyed words of a young Lord? No, she wouldn’t do that to herself. No matter how much it hurt now, it had to hurt far less than the alternative.

But it’s Percy, she felt her heart argue. He had never hurt her, had never pressured her. Not even just now when she had just rejected him so harshly, he hadn’t raised his voice or threatened her position. He had simply accepted her answer. Wasn’t that also a show of love?

Lilly sat leaning against the railing and crying until she was numb, excepting the pain in her heart and the pounding in her head.

Slowly, she got to her feet and made her way to Mrs. Aldridge’s suite. The woman would be waking up soon and would expect her to be at her post. Still, Lilly couldn’t help but feel that she was dragging along the pieces of her self-inflicted broken heart behind her.

~~~

Several days had passed since Lilly and Percy had talked.

To say that the atmosphere around the two of them was tense was an understatement, to the point that Mrs. Aldridge did her upmost best to keep the two of them in the same room as much as possible. Thankfully, that wasn’t usually too difficult.

Like tonight, Lilly spent the first part of her evening assisting Mrs. Aldridge to get her ready for that night’s dinner, and then help her get ready for bed.

Usually, the Lady did not stay for socializing after the dinner but for some reason tonight she decided to stay.

Perhaps she was trying to find a daughter-in-law now that Lilly had officially rejected her son. It would probably be for the best if she did, that way they could both go back to how they were before as quickly as possible. At least that’s what Lilly told herself as she stifled a yawn as she reached for the door to her room.

It was nearly one in the morning and she needed to get as much sleep as possible before she had to get up the next morning.

As her hand turned the doorknob she felt the ship shudder and tremble violently, nearly throwing her off her feet.

“What on Earth?” she asked to no one as the sound of the other servants on the ship could be heard either cursing or asking others what happened as they exited their cabins trying to make sense of what happened.

Lilly pulled her door shut again and trotted off back up the stairs to go check on Mrs. Aldridge.

Upon entering the private promenade of the millionaire suite she could hear Percy speaking to his mother in her bedroom.

“I’m just going to go and check on Lilith mother, I’ll be back in a moment.”

“She’s fine I am sure. There’s no need to trouble yourself. Besides, it’s best if you spare her and yourself any gossip.”

“I don’t care mother,” he sounded like he was losing his patience, “I won’t be easy unless I know that she’s alright.”

“There’s no need,” Lilly said as she entered the room, “I’m fine.”

She watched Percy’s shoulders drop in relief, but was shocked when he closed the distance between them and embraced her, Lilly’s arms instinctively wrapping around him as well for the hug that lasted just a touch longer than was proper. His hands trailing down her arms and squeezing her hands as if he never wanted to let her go, even as she stepped away from him to tend to his mother.

The moment was interrupted by a knock at the door.

Percy cleared his throat, “I’ll go see what’s going on.”

“Make sure you come back as soon as you’re done talking to whoever that is,” Mrs. Aldridge waited until her son was out of the room before addressing Lilly, “I thought you didn’t care for my son?”

Lilly turned and grabbed one of the few dresses still in its place to dress the Lady in before she replied, “I said that I had no plans on marrying him, not that I didn’t care for him.”

Mrs. Aldridge gave a very unladylike snort but said nothing else as her son re-entered the room.

“Get dressed mother. Lilly, stay with her. We have to go out to the lifeboats.”

“Lifeboats?” Mrs. Aldridge and Lilly voiced their confusion in unison.

“Yes, now. Hurry.”

From then the suite was a flurry of activity. Mrs. Aldridge was dressed and had taken her warmest coat at her son’s insistence. Life vests were put over top despite the protests of it being unfashionable.

All the while Lilly noticed the floor of the suite tilting further and further, and a cold that seemed to seep into her bones beginning to fill the cabin.

“Come on, there’s no time now.” Percy said as he rushed the two women out the door and towards the outside of the ship where the lifeboats were waiting.

Once outside there was a strange sort of chaotic order.

Crew were shouting at each other and at passengers. Two things became clear immediately to Lilly: First, that the ship was sinking. Second, the cry of ‘women and children first’.

Percy plowed a way through the crowd to one of the lifeboats, stopping only briefly to speak to a crewman before helping his mother into the small craft.

He reached back for Lilly but she planted her heels in defiance, “You aren’t coming are you?”

Percy paused before answering, “Not on this boat, no. There will be one for us men later.”

“You’re lying” Lilly took a step back from him.

Percy glanced quickly at the crewman before stepping down to stand next to her.

“This ship is sinking isn’t it? Tell me the truth Percy.”

He nodded solemnly, “and I need you and mother on this lifeboat Lilly. I couldn’t live with myself if you’re not.” He touched her shoulder and attempted to steer her back towards the small boat.

“No!” Lilly snapped panting her feet again, “What about us? How do you think we’ll feel if we leave you behind?”

Percy gave her a sad smile, “It’s fine Lilly. This is what a man is supposed to do. Protect his family and the woman he loves,” he reached out and tucked a few loose strands of her hair back behind her ear, “I’m just sorry I couldn’t make you believe that I really do love you.”

Tears flooded her eyes as Lilly reached up and kissed him.

“I lied. I’m so sorry Percy. I love you. I love you with all my heart.” Lilly cried.

Percy just pulled her closer, leaned down and kissed her again, and again, and again, until Lilly forgot where she was just for a moment.

But just as quickly he gave her a sudden push backwards into the arms of the crewman that had appeared behind her, and before she knew what was happening she found herself thrown into the lifeboat that was being quickly lowered into the frigid ocean.

“PERCY!” she screamed, but was already too far down to see or hear him.

The rest of the night passed in a blur. Lilly remembered the unsinkable ship break in half, the sound of bodies striking the freezing Arctic water from terrible heights, and the screams of the survivors feebly treading water. She tried not to remember how the lifeboats were only half full. How she had sat there, numb to everything while people lost their lives, while the Titanic slipped slowly into the dark depths of the ocean.

~~~

Over the next several days after the pitiful number of survivors reached harbor in New York did Lilly learn the awful truth of that night.

Of the 2,223 people on board only 703 survived.

Most of the 1,517 dead were never found or completely unidentifiable. Only a little over 300 of the unfortunate souls had been able to be retrieved for a proper burial.

~~~

Mrs. Aldridge became a former shadow of herself. Upon returning to her home she became a recluse and dismissed all but the most crucial staff. Lilly was allowed to stay on as the sole remaining stable groom, only entering the mansion to give her weekly reports to the steward and to have dinner with Mrs. Aldridge once a week at old woman’s request.

Months went by in this way. Slowly Lilly felt the hole in her heart start to mend. She was able to ride the old trails she used to take with Percy without crying now. The dinners with Mrs. Aldridge becoming a little less dark and solemn.

That’s why she was surprised when she came back from the last of her daily rides to find one of the kitchen staff running up to her.

“Lilly!” the young girl called out breathlessly. She must have run the entire way, “Come quickly, to the drawing room! It’s Mrs. Aldridge!”

Instantly Lilly leapt from the saddle and raced into the house as fast as her legs could carry her, terrified that the old woman had done herself harm.

She burst into the drawing room to find a man bent over a wailing Mrs. Aldridge. Lilly’s vision swam red as she picked up the closest item within reach, an iron fire poker, and charged at the intruder.

“Leave her alone!” Lilly snarled raising the heavy iron rod above her head.

The man jumped back out of range as Mrs. Aldridge screamed, “No Lilith! Stop!”

Lilly glanced back at the old woman in confusion.

“When I asked you to take care of my mother I never imagined that you would do it so viciously.”

The familiar voice made Lilly’s hands shake as she lowered the weapon and turned to take her first good look at the man.

“Percy?” her voice in a trembling whisper. The iron poker clattering to the floor.

He was thinner, his hair was longer, and he had several days worth of scruff on his face, but she would know those honey colored eyes anywhere.

He smiled and Lilly felt her legs buckle beneath her. If it hadn’t been for Percy rushing forward to catch her she would have ended up on the floor next to the poker.

She clung to him desperately, afraid that if she let him go that he would disappear from her side. Silently sobbing into his chest while he held her tight against his chest.

Once everyone had calmed down enough, Percy explained that he had been pulled out of the water by a separate rescue ship and delivered to Canada by his rescuers. From there he spent weeks in a hospital recovering but couldn’t communicate with anyone on account that no one there spoke English and he spoke no French.

After he was discharged from the hospital he had attempted to contact his mother and the estate to let them know he was alive but never made it very far since everyone just thought he was some con looking to exploit a grieving mother in her time of loss. With no money, it had taken him much longer to reach home than he had ever intended.

By this point the clocks in the house rang at half past one in the morning. After Percy bid goodnight to his mother he and Lilly were the only two left in the room.

“I just can’t believe you’re back.” Lilly said quietly, “We thought, I mean, we feared…” she let her voice trail off.

“I know,” Percy took one of her hands in his, “Lilly… I won’t hold you to what you said that night, but… but if you think there could be a chance for us…” he cleared his throat, “What I mean is that I would be willing to wait.”

Lilly smiled, warmth filling her chest for the first time in months, “I really did mean what I said. I do love you Percy, but I was so scared that one day you would realize that the woman you loved was nothing more than a ordinary common girl and that you could do so much better than me.”

Percy cupped her face in his hands and kissed her forehead tenderly, “How could I possibly find any woman better than you?”

“I’m going to remind you of that.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Yes.”