Christmas Surprise

Mopping my brow, I swiftly silence the phone’s insistent buzzing.

Summer has arrived early!

“Hi, Mum… what’s news?” I ask on autopilot, watching the crumbed steak sizzle.

She sure has an unerring knack of ringing at the least convenient moment.

“Hello Kate! I’ll be up at your place late tomorrow, to spend Christmas with you on Saturday,” her disembodied voice pipes from the phone.

Mind whirling, I spin towards the calendar… frantic gaze landing on tomorrow. The 24th!

What? Have I lost a month? As if moving through quicksand, my eyes strain to focus on the month. November! Mouth gaping like a guppy, I inhale, ready to respond...

“Got to fly. I’m heading out soon. Looking forward to seeing you all then.”

With that, she's gone. Dead air and shock trail in the wake of her bombshell. Puzzling over just who the crazy one is here, I slump into the nearest chair.

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP… BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!

Leaping up, as though from an ejector seat, I swoop in to rescue the steak before it’s totally incinerated. Yes… who exactly is the crazy one?

Right on queue my jack-in-the-box family pop out of doorways… then stall. Another BEEP-BEEP-BEEP spurs one to grab a tea towel, flapping it frantically near the smoke detector. Shane, my ever-practical husband, calmly stands on a chair and removes the battery from the wailing alarm, buying us a temporary reprieve from the ear-splitting, mind-numbing din. Thankfully, the steak is still edible, but the pan will take some elbow grease to clean. That’s a problem for later.

Relaxing after dinner, my daughter Amy cheekily quips, “What happened Mum? Did you forget you were cooking tea? It might be time to check you into ‘Golden Daze’ Old Folks’ Home!” Her brother, Jed sniggers while their dad fights a losing battle to hide his grin. I feel only slightly annoyed at the family joke being trotted out yet again. Fair comment.

With a jolt, I recall and recount the bizarre conversation with my mother.

Instantly, protests and questions buzz around me like bees swarming after I kick over their hive.

“What! It’s not Christmas for another month!” exclaims Amy.

“She must be losing it! She was vague on her last visit . She kept forgetting to lock the front door when she went out,” mutters Shane.

“Yes, and she left the fan and light on. Dad hated that!” Jed adds gleefully.

All true, I agree silently. After several unsuccessful attempts to call Mum back, I give up in resignation. As usual, we won’t hear from her again until she arrives tomorrow. She’s nothing if not consistent… until she isn’t!

Then, the bombshell hits us. Granny is on her way! Almost simultaneously, we spring into action like a well-oiled machine. The kids scramble to find the floors of their bedrooms. Such an odious task. The washing machine spins; the vacuum cleaner whirs and bathrooms are scrubbed. We all love Granny, but it’s easier to have everything ship shape when she visits. Otherwise, like a master puppeteer, she pleasantly pulls our strings making us dance to her tune. Better to get things done without her beady eye upon us.

By midday Saturday, the house gleams; the scent of freshly cut lawn wafts and a sheen of sweat baths our foreheads. Meanwhile, in the loungeroom the Christmas tree proudly stands watch, fully decorated. Shane is quietly swearing under his breath as he and the kids swing from the eaves attempting to hastily string colourful garlands of lights.

“But we don’t put our decorations up until the first of December” Amy protests half-heartedly. Just as well Mr Jones leaves his up all year round, or we’d be the only house decorated in our poker straight street.

Embarrassing! Mothers! Who could fathom them? I grumble to myself. My arm is about to drop off from stirring the Russian Caramel. Darn! No matter how careful I am, it always seems to catch… just like every year. How I hate cooking lollies! What a pain that Mum and the family love them! At least the Coconut Ice looks okay and tastes delicious…

An impatient toot of a car horn interrupts me, mid shake of the tablecloth. She’s here! I think with a weird cocktail of happiness, relief and frustration. So much for a relaxing weekend!

“Granny's here!” We all race out and embrace her in a fully-fledged family hug. Laughter and disjointed greetings fill the freshly tidied front yard.

“Happy Christmas everyone!” she warbles, beaming excitedly at each of us. “Wow! The decorations look amazing! You’ve been busy,” she chatters, unpacking bundles of colourfully wrapped gifts.

My family exchange cryptic glances, but we all gladly go with the flow. Where’s the harm? Who wouldn’t want two Christmases in a year?

‘Lights out’ came early that night. It was a tie as to who was the weariest… Granny, from her long journey, or us from our frenetic labours.

Sunday, we traipse off to church, fully expecting the ‘penny to drop’ and for Granny to realise it isn’t Christmas Day. It never seems to dawn on her as we sing songs with a Christmas flavour, in anticipation of the festive season.

Later at home, presents are exchanged with the usual antics and banter.

Just as well I’m organised and buy gifts early when they’re on special.

Before we know it, Granny is planting kisses on our up turned cheeks and pulling us close in her customary hugs. Then, she leaps back into her zippy red Nissan Micra, toots her horn and vanishes from sight.

Did she really visit or did we imagine it!

Phew! We sag in relief and exhaustion. Only then do we have time for second guessing to set in.

Was Granny any more vague than usual? Not really. Did she somehow lose a month? Possible. Is it time to book her into an Old Folks’ Home? Is she still safe to be loose on the roads?

Before we reach agreement on any answers, life’s ebb and flow resumes and the problem with Granny fades to the back of our cluttered minds for a few days. That is, until her text and photo arrive with a TING!

“Lovely celebrating Christmas with you this year. I sure didn’t expect that!”

“Granny’s finally lost the plot!” Jed rudely blurts out our exact thoughts.

TING! On the phone screen appears a crooked image of an aeroplane wing with Sydney Kingsford Smith Airport blurred in the background. A collective gasp of bewilderment goes up.

“And we’re off… see you when Jeanie and I get back from our trip to Hawaii! Have a wonderful Christmas! x0x0”

Silence briefly reigns supreme before a wave of reactions rises, breaks and crashes. Chaotic chatter finally peters out.

In a small voice, I sheepishly admit, “Way back in March, Granny rang and told me about the trip… I didn’t think she and her best friend, Jeanie would go... I guess I forgot!”

Reaching for the phone Shane quips, “Want me to book you in to ‘Golden Daze’ Old Folks’ Home, Love?”

I take a poorly aimed swipe at him as we all crack up laughing.

*
Inspired by the 'Out of Season Challenge'.