Choices

If you could see how each little lie drove the spikes edging my mask, deeper into my skin. I bite my tongue as the blood pools into there mask. Rivulets of red slowly filling the edifice- until I swallow my words, lips held tight in silence. The blood threatening to drowned me. Silence lest I drowned in the reality- the reality of the imbalance in my love and the destructive force of lies. I love you- i love your brunette hair bouncing in textured waves that I run my fingers through as I listen to you talk through the path going forward, do you realize it's a path that I can't follow you on- but you told me if I comment then you leave. My heart in your hands, the rhythmic thumping of it, echos in my panicked brain. And here I sit at the impossible precipice. If I be myself and tell you the truth- I lose you. So I don my mask for you again, so you don't leave. I'm that selfish. Selfish in my love. I love him. His warm arms and fragile heart. I love holding him, i love his range of emotion, his passion, his fire... If I hold your secrets I lose him. It all the pain all over again. So the mask goes on again. If she takes over then I can be here for you, quiet, loving, so in love with you. I drive the spikes into my face- knowing that it can never come off. My heart in your hand hemorrhage and I can feel the hollow spot in my chest. And I betray you by telling him because I love him- and I can't carry a lie to him. My heart sitting in his hands I can feel the frosty air burn as he pulls away. His words cold, his heart broken. I'd hold all the pieces, but he would never choose me. You would never choose me. So I bleed instead. And I kill myself over again to keep you- I silently weap, standing right where he pulls away because I am not his person. But the mask goes on and I swallow the pain cause why would I choose me either.