Child of the Universe

I am an infinite being. A being without limits. As far as I can see, as far as I can imagine, I am there.

Grounded in Earth, I am uplifted by Heaven.

Warmed by the Sun's fire, I am cooled by the Wind.

Washed clean by the Rain, I stand in the Moonlight and marvel at the magic of the universe.

In gratitude, I reach upwards toward the sky and revel in the soil beneath my feet. The spicy, musty scent of the woodlands heals my soul.

I am unique, a child of the universe.

Blessed be.

I finished my meditation slightly puzzled by the turn it took at the end, almost as if someone else had put thoughts into my head. But I'm back in my cramped apartment looking at the peeling paint the landlord refuses to address. I still have a job which barely covers my expenses and have no one to share my life.

What's wrong with me?

"Maybe there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe you should choose to accept the bounty the universe has for you."

With a quick gasp, I look around. I would swear I just heard someone talking to me, but there is nobody there. And it's not like I could miss them in this place. A quick look through the bedroom door confirms the fact.

So what did I hear?

I guess I'm finally cracking up from the stress of my life. Face it. I hate my job. I hate my apartment. I hate the town I live in. I hate everything at the moment.

"Then choose something else."

This has ceased to be amusing. I know I heard someone this time. The baseball bat by the front door feels good in my hand as I silently stalk I-don't-know-what through the apartment. From the front door to the back, and from the kitchen to the bathroom, there is nothing in the apartment but me.

(snicker)

"All right! Who are you? Where are you?" I shout at the walls.

"Hunting spirits with a bat? Amusing."

Spirits? Did they say spirits?

"I don't believe in spirits, so cut it out. Where are you?"

"Don't you mean 'who are you?'"

"Not funny. Now come on out!"

So who was I talking to? There was no one there and yet I heard the voice as plain as day. What did it mean, "don't you mean who?"

Suddenly overwhelmed by life in general, with this on top of it, I threw the bat to the floor, threw myself on the couch, and burst into tears. I didn't have the money for a shrink, but I was pretty sure I needed one.

A subtle scent teased my nose, bringing a faint memory with it. Where had I smelled it before? It was an old scent, not a modern variety, but I couldn't quite place it.

And where had it come from? I had never worn it, nor did any of my so-called friends. Yeah, friends. Where were they when I needed help? Even just someone to sympathize?

"They are obviously not friends, are they? the voice said quietly as ghostly fingers caressed my hair. "You're probably better off without them."

"I'd be better off without you, too, I would guess. Why are you here exactly?"

"I am here because you need a change of direction. The path you've followed to this point is not the way you need to go."

"And you would know this... how?"

"Let's say I've been around for a while. I've watched you grow up, see wonders, and then turn you back on your heritage. It's time to sort this out."

The scent was back, a faint floral scent, with hints of citrus and musk, bringing with it a vision of summer days. Days I remembered from years ago, walking through the yard with my mother, smelling the irises along the border which always reminded me of spice cookies.

And this scent along with them. Who did it remind me of?

"Aunt Meg?" I whispered. "No, it can't be. She died at least twenty years ago."

"Doesn't mean I'm gone altogether."

"Shit! I am cracking up. What do you mean not gone altogether?"

"I'm on another plane, along with other of your ancestors who would like to see you follow your true path," the voice told me.

"Well, if that's so, why can't I see you?"

"Because you choose not to. You've given up your heritage, forgotten those you once knew."

"Who? Who did I once know? And how could I choose not to see you?"

"You allowed those who were blind to direct your beliefs and rewrite your reality. Now it's time to come back to what you once knew. Remember those childhood friends others told you weren't real?"

"You could always see them. I remember. I thought you were just playing a game with me and pretending. That's what everyone else told me."

I was beginning to get just a little creeped out. Here I was holding a conversation with a woman who'd died when I was about ten years old. I'd always loved Aunt Meg, even if some people thought she was a bit batty. She talked with me and my imaginary friends, just like she could see them as well as I thought I could.

"As you knew you could," she corrected.

"If what you say is true, how do I get back? I'm not sure I want to. People will think I'm crazy."

"Those of us with the gift have often been misunderstood. But that doesn't mean we are wrong. Do you remember "wishing" the kitten well?"

I did, actually. I had been about eight years old when my kitten became ill. One afternoon, I held it in my lap and wished I could make it better. The thought came to me that if I could surround it with a warm, white light, it would be fine.

I was never sure quite what happened, but in my mind, I saw white light projecting from my hands, with sort of a soft golden glow, Holding my hands around the kitten, I directed the light until the kitten was encompassed in a glowing sphere of warmth. A few minutes later, she was beginning to come around to her normal self again.Her breathing was easier and her pain seemed to be easing.

"Mom said it was a coincidence," I told the empty room.

"Well, she would," Aunt Meg said with a sniff, and I could almost see her shaking her head. "She got religion and gave up who she was as well."

"So if I'm supposed to change my path, what do I do?"

"Reconnect with nature. Walk in the sunlight or meditate in moonlight. Open your eyes to the world around you again and think about seeing what is truly there. That's a start."

"But I don't know what to look for. How will I know?"

"Trust your other senses and we will be there to help you along back to the path. You may connect with some old friends you once knew, and they'll help you, too."

"But how will any of this help me?"

"First you must find your path and then all will become clear. It may take a little while, but if you seek it you will find it. In the meantime, get off your ass and quit sulking. You have things to do."

And with that, I felt something change. The space seemed emptier somehow, until a whiff of Aunt Meg's scent swirled around me one last time.

"You are an infinite being. A being without limits. Never forget that."

Right. It seemed a little crazy, but what the hell? It was a beautiful day outside. It was late summer or early autumn. The temperature was delightful for a change, with a nice breeze blowing the scent of wildflowers through the trees.

Why not go for a walk? If nothing else, it would get me out of the house. Maybe a breath of fresh air would clear my head.

Sliding on my shoes, I slipped out the back door of the apartment, taking the overgrown path to the edge of the woods. I hadn't been out this way in a long time. Nudging past the branches over the path, I strolled down the path, smelling the earthy scent from the leave mold rising up to tickle my nose. Bird songs filled the air and the occasional squirrel chattered at me for disturbing its activities.

Sliding my shoes off my feet, I dug my toes into the moist soil. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, wondering if my old friends had been real after all.

Slowly exhaling, I opened my eyes and once again meandered through the trees, until I noticed a presence behind me. Turning, I saw a beautiful gray wolf peering up at me and nearly bolted down the path.

"It has been a long time since you've seen me. Can we be friends again?"

And I remembered. She had been my friend once, a long time ago. We didn't have a dog, but I had Maddie, until my family convinced me she wasn't real.

"Maddie? Is it really you?" I asked, kneeling down on one knee.

As the huge wolf came up to me, I hoped I was right. Otherwise, I was lunch.

"Yes. I am happy you have come back. It has been too long. Your Aunt Meg told me to watch for you."

"Do you want to walk with me for a while? We could catch up on things."

"I would love a walk with my old friend. Who knows? We may meet someone else."

As we turned back down the path into the woods, shoes in my hand, I heard a sound, more like a whisper, which seemed to come from all around me.

"You are unique, a child of the universe. Welcome home."