Chicken Infinity

…it’s a car.

And it’s in my way! It’s parked right on the pavement, and there are other cars going zoom-zoom on the road so I can’t exactly step into that either. There's no way I can fly that far.

Under it?

I lean down to look. It’s all dirty and black underneath. It’s a squeeze but I try. I may be one slim chicken, but I’m not a cat.

“Damn it!” I cluck. Too tight.

If I want to get where I need to be, I am going to have to cross the road.

I hear a trundling noise, so I turn. I don’t think it’s a chicken, but It’s stooped a bit like me and it’s walking with little steps like me. It’s pulling along a trolley. So I doubt it’s a chicken.

It sees me and stops. It looks me right in the eyes.

“Excuse me,” I ask, “Any chance you could help me cross the road?”

It looks at me and shoots its head forward, then moves its neck to one side. I’m starting to think maybe it is a chicken.

“Eh?” it says in a croaky kind of bark. Is it a dog?

“Can you help me cross the road?” I ask again, but this time louder. I even flap my wings in the road’s direction, and I can feel all the zoom-zoom cars going by.

“I can’t hear you!” it squawks. This time it squints as if that will help matters.

It doesn’t and after I repeat the question a few times, it rolls its trolley down a short hill and goes into a really big building with a door on the front, much bigger than my coop.

As I watch the door slam, I hear a giggle and little footsteps growing louder. Then I feel something grab me!

“HELP! I’M BEING ATTACKED!”

“Aha! Look, Mummy. Cluck cluck!” replies a high-pitched voice.

“I am not a cluck cluck! I am a chicken and I just want to cross the road to get past this car!”

Thankfully the ordeal doesn’t last long and I am put down back onto the pavement by two larger hands.

“So sorry about that. She loves chickens! Don’t you sweetheart?”

This Mummy character asks this Sweetheart this question like I am some kind of plaything.

“Erm, it’s okay. Would you be able to help me get across the road? It’s this car. It’s in the way!”

“Oh, yes. You can follow us.”

With that, Mummy picks up Sweetheart, and in a very brief break in traffic, scoots around the side of this car and carries on.

“Oh sorry, I thought you were following us. There’ll be another break in traffic soon!”

And on she goes. Rush, rush, rush.

Then everything goes dark! There is an almighty rumbling overhead and I hear the slam of another door. Then I see footsteps. They are running down the driveway with the big house and door.

The feet drop a box with a smile painted on the side, give the door a bash, and then run back towards me!

I cower down in terror at what they might do. Please don't get me!

The rumbling intensifies, and my wings flap in fright.

A light! It grows, and the rumbling begins to dissipate. The huge mass of darkness moves into the flow of the zoom-zooms and vanishes into the distance.

I try and take the advice of Mummy and find a break in traffic. But the cars just keep on coming.

You try crossing the road when you’re a chicken.

“Haha, look boys. It’s a fuckin’ chicken! What’s it doing out here?” asks an annoying voice.

“Yes! I am a chicken. And I am trying to get past this car, and the best way to do that is to cross this road!”

They all laugh at this, bar one. The one speaking finds it the funniest.

“Aww, poor little chick! Sure you’ll work it out. And if not, we’ve got ourselves half a curry, eh boys!?”

These boys laugh again, though I don't quite get what they find funny. If my understanding is correct, you need more than a chicken for a curry. What about rice and spices and tomatoes?

The same one who didn't laugh before clearly doesn’t get the joke either.

“Come on boys, let’s go.”

They barge past. Apart from the one who doesn’t laugh. The annoying one stops in the middle of the road and shouts back at us.

“Oi, dickhead, you coming or what?”

“I’ll catch you up mate,” he replies.

Mate walks off shaking his head.

“Ignore him, he’s a bit of a cock, to be honest,” says Dickhead, though I have never seen a cock look like that before.

“I am just trying to cross the road. Would you be able to help me?”

“Sure. Why do you want to get over anyway?”

“Well, this car is in the way, so I just need to get to the other side.”

“Cool,” he replies, though I don't think it is.

We wait a moment, and then, without asking, he picks me up, into the path of the zoom-zoom cars, and strides across the road.

Before I can even think about flapping my wings at the fright of it all, we’re on the other side.

“Thank you!” I cry.

“No worries. See you mate,” he replies as he walks away.

I’m confused as to why I am called Mate now, but he’s walking the wrong way!

“Dickhead!” I shout, “They went that way!”

He stops, looks at me, shakes his head, and then keeps on walking.

I’ve done all I can, so I wave with my wings and turn to be on my way. Finally, I can get where I need to be.

I walk along the pavement, a very happy chicken. My little legs taking me forward.

But then, something is blocking my path!

Oh, I know what it is…