Cheap Cigarettes and Strawberry Vape

“You can’t run forever, you know,” she says quietly.

“I know,” my voice is husky. “But can’t I do it for a little while longer?”

She’s the closest thing to a tether I’ve ever had. Breeze through and disappear - that’s my pattern. I’ve been here six weeks now; too long. The day I lose my visitor status is the day I’ll ruin everything.

She turns her face into my chest and succumbs to silence. Her slick hair is threaded through my fingers, and her leg is tossed over mine. The scent of her strawberry vape sticks to her skin. I breathe deeply, savouring the fragrance.

I want to press pause and immortalise this version of me. The tender early hours of the morning where the moonlight sets my skin on fire, the affectionate quietness which screams in my ears, and the caress of her soft hands slapping me out of the nightmare - I’ve never felt so connected to Earth than when I’m with her.

Still, though, I yearn for the ease of loneliness. The city skyline can sparkle while my cheap cigarettes burn my lungs. The midnight air can freeze me awake. My eyes can drink the expansive world, and never see space for me within it.

That life can’t be ruined like this moment can. My heart can’t be broken like hers can. I want that life again, but it’ll never be the same.

“Could we run together?” I ask.

“You can’t stay still, can you?”

“Never.”