Chasing The Fairytale

You always wanted to be in love.

You came from a broken home, witnessing first hand that true love really was only in fairytales. You watched helplessly as both of your parents struggled with addiction. Your dad abandoned you when you were 6 and after a short reconnection, he died, succumbing to his demons, before you were 13.

Your mom began to work extra hours to make ends meet but soon found a second job would be necessary to keep a roof over your heads, leaving you to your own devices. Drinking was an easy vice. You had seen it work its magic before, so you numbed your loneliness, assuring yourself that you had it all under control. You knew where your dad went wrong and that would never happen to you. It made you popular with a certain crowd and somehow made you immune to the cruel things the other kids said.

They say ignorance is bliss but you learned that it can't even compare to oblivious.

When you first met him there were fireworks, he was everything the fairytales promised and you knew you would always be together. Three months later you ran off to Vegas to get married, you were 17.

You lived with your mom for a few months to get on your feet, but she couldn't see the prince that he was...how could she? All she ever knew of love was betrayal and brokenness. She accused him of using and cheating, causing things to be toxic between you. When they could no longer be civil, you packed up your belongings and moved into the basement of an old friend. She begged you to stay, but you couldn't see what she saw and vowed to him that you would never leave him.

When you came home from work you found them together in your room. He explained it was not what it looked like and as you pulled away from him you hit your head on the dresser. Well, that was the story. That night he proved his love for you by yelling your name for hours outside your mom's apartment window, begging you to come home, promising that he would never hurt you again.

For years this was the game.

You were so determined not to fail at love, at life, like your parents had, so you stayed. Each time you covered up a new bruise or waited in the car until the other woman left, you convinced yourself it was only a phase, besides, if he didn't love you he would leave and he didn't, so that was all the proof you needed to stay.

By this time, you had become so alienated that there was no one left to remind you that you were worth so much more than the love he'd sold you on.

So, on a cold Friday night in October you stayed, you stayed through the threats, the screaming and the accusations. You stayed until you were found on the neighbor's lawn, face up in the snow, with a gunshot wound to your chest.

I often wonder what you were thinking as you gazed into the night sky. Were you finally able to see your fairytale come true?

You have been gone now for nearly eight years and as that anniversary date approaches that ache burns deeper.

He continues to sell his cheap version of love to unsuspecting women. Hospital and jail records confirm, he was never worthy of your beautiful, fairytale kind of love.