Capitano Neutrino

It's true most black holes have masses of hundreds, even thousands, of suns. Cosmologists have theorized, however, that "micro" black holes pepper all of space/time as rogue visitors, striking when least expected.

Colino Semicolini, a mild-mannered Sicilian teenager, was being bullied, pinned on the ground, and pummelled by acneiform, postpubescent reprobates. His mouth was wide open, screaming in complete terror, when such a micro black hole, around a billionth of a billionth of the mass of the sun and about the size of an atomic nucleus, was inadvertently swallowed.

Suddenly, and presenting absolutely no taste sensation in Colino's agape mouth, it lodged into his right tonsil, spewing neutrinos. The ensuing collisions with his teeth scattered muons and protons and quantized Colino right there on the playground.

Creating his own event horizon, he began to undergo sphagettification—vertically stretching into a long thin shape while effervescing into a strong, non-homogeneous gravitational field. He snapped back with the force of an atomic gigaplex, and the boys who were bullying him were found three days later, al dente, in trees on mainland Italy.

Italy had its first superhero, as Capitano Neutrino (née Colino Semicolini), who can seize criminals on a whim, subdue them, and render them inert in wheat semolina bondage.

His fame grew far and wide and he successfully ended the Sicilian reign of criminal terror until a supervillain arose to thwart him—Generale Gluten and his Celiac Crusaders. Most of the exciting legends today involve Capitano Neutrino's entanglements with this sordid bunch.

Besides frequently entangling with this rogue's gallery of genetically modified villains (GMVs), he also goes to church with his little, old mother every morning. His tonsil was unharmed, but Colino snores now.

His uniform has a utility belt with Parmesan FlakPacks and Olive Oil cannisters for fighting the higher-calorie Rogue Ragazzi.