Calling Moscow - 4

The following conversation took place on November 10, after a federal judge rejected executive privilege for Trump’s White House documents in relation to January 6 riots.

“Hello, Vlad?”

“Yes, Donnie. Long time no see or talk or whatever you say there.”

“Not my fault, Vlad. You never call me, and I never know if I can call you because you are so busy.”

“I told you, Donnie, you can call me up any time.”

“Yeah, but then you are always busy and try to wrap it up quickly and get rid of me.”

Silence. “What’s up, Donnie?”

“Oh, so you don’t deny it?”

“Deny what?”

“That you never want to talk to me and when I call you try to wrap it up quickly.”

“Of course not. Where did you get this from?” (pretends surprised)

“Just now, I said you are always busy when I call you and try to wrap it up and I hoped you’d say something like, ‘no, Donnie, don’t worry, I never do that, you are always important to me.’”

“Oh, no, Donnie, don’t worry, I never do that, you are always important to me.”

“Well, now you are just repeating what I said to make me happy, right?”

“Right. What’s up, Donnie?”

“Ummm, nothing, really, just bad things piling up.”

“What bad things?”

“Well, a judge today ruled that I can’t protect the White House documents against the Patriots’ Truth Day investigation.”

“Patriots’ Truth Day? What is that?”

“January 6. They call it a riot but I call it the Patriots’ Truth Day because true patriots came out there to protest Sleepy Joe’s presidency and tell the truth about the stolen election.”

“Ah, I see. So what does that decision mean? Do you have to produce the documents now?”

“No, I’ll appeal the decision, all the way to the Supreme Court if I need to. Executive privilege is a strong defense, I’m told.”

“So you shouldn’t worry then.”

“No, not yet, it’s just very unpleasant, you know, that the Democrats are still prosecuting the patriots for showing up there and trying to protect me.”

“Yeah, I know, Donnie. What other things bother you?”

“Well, New York prosecutors won’t let go of the Trump Organization investigation. They are just ramping it up.”

“No wonder, Donnie, they think they can get you when you are not in power.”

“Yeah, I’m counter-suing them right and left, too. I kinda hoped that when I leave the White House I’d be left alone to live my simple life. But no, the Dems won’t let go.”

“Anything else, Donnie? Because all of this seems … manageable, not to say small and petty.”

“You mean investigating me is small and petty?”

“Well, you seem to have a handle on that. So I’m wondering what else makes you worried and drags you down.”

“Well, remember I decided to start my own social media platform, Truth Social?”

“Yeah, I saw something in the news. What of it?”

“Well, we have some problems with the beta version. Seems we’ll have to delay the launch because they need more time to work out some bugs.”

“Well, that’s normal, I think.”

“Yeah, but I made this big announcement about the launch and now it seems to be flopping. And Jason is so mad at me.”

“Jason?”

“Yeah, Jason, my former campaign manager.”

“Oh, Miller?”

“Yes, you seem to remember my people’s last names better than I do.”

“What was your nickname for him, Donnie?”

“Well, I kinda liked him because he never crossed or back-stabbed me, unlike many others. So I simply called him Round Stache because he has a very round fat face and stupid mustache with a goatee. I don’t really like facial hair on people, not everyone can pull it off.”

“I agree, I dislike facial hair on people too. Especially on women.” Pause.

“Ha-ha, Vlad, that’s a really good joke. The woke mob would say sexist, but I like it.” (Both laugh.)

“Anyway, why is Jason mad at you, Donnie?”

“Who?”

“Jason Miller Round Stache, you just said he was mad at you.”

“Ah, Jason. Yes, he is mad. He is not showing it and says everything’s fine, but I know he is mad at me for announcing Truth Social.”

“Why? What does he have against it?”

“Back in July, he set up his own conservative social media platform, Gettr.”

“Are you kidding me, Ghetto? That’s gutsy! Like a ghetto for blacks?”

“No, like if I send you to get something for me, you’d be a getter, but it’s spelled differently. Without an R, like in Tumblr or Grindr. Although ghetto would be really funny. A ghetto for conservatives!” (Both laugh).

“So, why is Jason the Getter mad at you?”

“Jason the Getter! That’s an excellent nickname, I really like it, Vlad, maybe I should use that instead of the Round Stache.”

“I’m learning from the best, Donnie.”

“Thank you, Vlad” (smiles, faking modesty).

“Yeah, he is mad at you?”

“Who?”

“Jason the Getter.”

“Ah, yes, yes, he is really mad at me, that’s true, I can feel it.”

“Why?”

“He tried to persuade me to use Gettr for my social media instead of Truth Social. Like, go into a partnership agreement with him. But I refused.”

“Why? Is it bad?”

“Oh, no, it was quite good, shot up to almost 2 million users in the first two weeks, as Jason said. It was also going to develop its own video capacities to make it more competitive with Facebook and Twitter.”

“So why didn’t you agree to partner up with him, Donnie? Seems like a sure bet.”

“I just wanted to have my own thing, to have full control. And Jason asked too much money when I offered to buy Gettr out. We just couldn’t make a deal. And then it kind of flattened out, I don’t see a user growth there anymore. So I’m going solo, with a lot of donors and supporters, but no partners, with Truth Social.”

“I see. Although I don’t. I just don’t understand why you are so stuck up on social media, Donnie.”

“Well, the peak of my popularity was when I was Number One on Twitter. I could speak to my supporters directly, without going through the lamestream media. And then they kicked me off and people can’t hear me anymore. They don’t even show up to my rallies like they used to.”

“And why do you need people to show up for your rallies, Donnie? Are you planning to run for president again?”

“Everyone asks me that, Vlad. I really don’t know. Do you think I should?”

“Why wouldn’t you, Donnie? What prevents you from running again?”

“It’s a lot of work, Vlad. Even though I tried to delegate as much as possible…” (audible laughter) “Why are you laughing, Vlad?”

“Delegate, Donnie? Is that a code for watching FoxNews all day long?”

“C’mon, Vlad, don’t be like that. You know I worked hard.”

“Sure, Donnie, if you say so” (suppressing laughter).

“But I also had the best people who came up with the best policies, so I could simply delegate, tell my people what to do and they’d do it.”

“So why won’t you do it again then, Donnie? America needs you” (smirking into his sleeve).

“You think so?”

“Absolutely!”

“I’m not sure that’s the case, Vlad. No one seems to be missing me.”

“I miss you as president, Donnie.”

“Thank you, Vlad. Can I count on your vote then?”

“Sure, if I could vote in American elections, I’d vote for you” (both laugh).

“Seriously, Vlad. Can I count on your support again?”

“I need to think about that, Donnie. I’m still waiting on my return on investment in you, you never got those damned Russian sanctions lifted.”

“You know I tried, Vlad. I’d try again if I could. I hear you are building your military presence on the Ukrainian border again. Is that true?”

“Hush, Donnie, it’s a big secret. Sleepy Joe already sent his CIA director to give me a stern warning not to do it. Like I’m so scared of good old Joe, my knees are trembling” (both laugh).

“Yeah, I heard something on the news about Sleepy Joe’s CIA puppet going to Russia.”

“Yes, that really happened. And yes, I need Ukraine back and would do anything for that. Anything” (sounds menacing).

“See, I’d definitely try to help you do that.”

“You did nothing last time for me on that issue, Donnie.”

“But you know why, Vlad. So much pressure on me not to be friends with you, both here at home and in the world, in Europe especially. Next time, I won’t care because I won’t have to be reelected. I will be more open and forceful about cooperating with you.”

“If there’s next time, Donnie.”

“See, this is why I cannot decide to run again. I need your support, Vlad.”

“Let me think about it, Donnie. It’s a big decision, requiring a lot of money and commitment.”

“I understand, Vlad. I won’t announce until you let me know you support me. For now, I will just keep the intrigue going.”

“Deal, Donnie.”

“Will you call me, Vlad, to let me know?”

“Sure, Donnie.”

“Alright, I already kept you long enough. Bye, Vlad.”

“Bye, Donnie.” After hanging up, “Let’s see how those investigations turn out. Why would I want to invest in someone who might be heading to jail one day. What a buffoon!”