By Itself, It's Worthless

"You can stay up longer if you have something to say. Though, you'd be stupid to because I know you're busy legit every single day of the week." I laid down into the floor as he was, mumbling. By now, his head was basically up in the clouds he just as well be intoxicated because of how much his eyes wanted to close. I didn't see what reason he had to fight it, but even during exhaustion his aura was stronger than mine. "After all, I just follow you to the set. You're constantly working. It's easy for me-."

"I do have something to say." He interrupted me. His eyes were shut and I wouldn't be shocked if he just fell asleep right there, mid-talk, but he didn't. At least not yet.

"Oh, do you? And what is that?"

"What's your favorite color?" I wanted to smack him right across the head when he asked such a shallow question. It had to be to stall time and that's it. These were the questions that didn't matter; the ones that wouldn't change anything whatever the answer was.

"Carmine. Seriously? There's no purpose to ask that." I glared at him, but his eyes were still shut I wasn't sure if he noticed. He probably did. That's something that you can feel even if you can't see, but he didn't act disturbed. A bright smile glowed on his flawless skin. Drowsy, but genuine.

"I do have a reason! I really do!" He stood his ground for such a small thing, I found it must be easier to just go with it until he dropped everything and took himself to bed. I let him talk. "Besides, you hate red so much, but you know that I like it. Now I want to know what you like. There's no sin in that."

I knew he wasn't going to let it go so soon. "Purple." I answered him. "I like purple."

"Why?"

"Because," I glanced up at the ceiling to think about it. It's not a question most have an answer to. "In every history book out there, whether that be photocopies in the garbage I found when students would throw all their work up in the air at the end of the year, or heck, even in the Bible, purple stood for royalty. Purple was rare, and what's rare is expensive. I like to for just a pale moment, think about myself that way, even if it's not accurate when it comes to me." It really is a stupid question to answer, but when being asked, it can go a lot further than I thought. Are lots of things that way?

"Until this day, purple has good meaning. It's the last color of the rainbow, so it's limitless in its own sense. That means that trust, love, support and loyalty can last in our own miniature forevers, and can be passed onto another persons everlasting." I wondered if what I was saying even made any sense, because I haven't been faced with explaining it in words. "That's something red doesn't have. In the rainbow, it's the first color, and it doesn't have the space to stretch as limitless as purple can."

"We like different colors, we have different opinions, but it's for the same reason." His eyes fluttered open to find how I would react to what he said, but closed again when he saw it. I let out a simple, 'huh?' unsure if I understood. He went on to explain. "We like beauty that doesn't change. The kind that impacts the heart and not the eye. It's not about what it looks like but what we feel when we look at it. A metaphor, instead of the literal."

"I guess you're right."

"Do you know what my name means, Missouri?" He blurted our an entirely new topic, or I thought it was new at first, and it was pretty ironic that he'd ask such a question when he hasn't gotten mine right once, but I didn't drag him for that. If he wanted to tell me, I wanted to listen, so I simply shook my head. "Carmine means 'vivid red'. Mom didn't know what to name me when I was born, but when she laid eyes on me for the first time I'm told my cheeks had this super red tint, like permanent blush so that's what she decided on. It wasn't all that permanent because it's gone now, or not as prominent unless I'm really embarrassed, but over time I've found deeper meanings in red, and it's what reflects the person I want to be and what beholds unique beauty in my eyes. The way purple is for you."

That's when I was struck. Hard and deep into every vein and every artery.

C-A-R-M-I-N-E, Carmine.

Those seven letters are my entire world. He's been put here, given to me, to help me fall in love with red again, the way I once was when it represented the love of my parents. When I did view it to be never changing, never shakable, and my forever and always. He's to who my lust belongs.

He's my shot at love, and I couldn't be more sure.

*******

"What possesses you every morning to put on the exact same clothes you wore yesterday?" I eyed Carmine in the drivers seat out of the corner of my eye. I had put down the passenger mirror with original intentions to block the morning sun from making me squint the whole ride to the set, but I ended up peering into my reflection.

The go-to style of make-up was art across my eyelids, and the matching mask accompanied it like it always did when I went out. I complained this time around why he couldn't just give me a nose bridge and make my lips more full to resemble the other girls, because I know darn well make up can be powerful, but he went off on a rant of how he's not a professional and I should be thankful.

That's what happens when you don't sleep, which is not at all my problem. I did try to warn him. Eventually.

The clothes on my body were from his old wardrobe as per usual and nearly every single article of cloth was black in color. The ones of his current wardrobe were too, evident by his own outfit. He might not actually wear the same clothes everyday but if he did no one would notice. The man's a monochrome and he's forcing me to be one too.

"What possesses you to be so clueless on how to clean your own face? You're welcome by the way, your skin is looking flawless all because of my commitment and diligent hard work." Carmine flipped back imaginary long hair like some preppy popular high school girl from the Hollywood movies. It wasn't all serious, but still annoying nevertheless.

"What possesses you to think that the entire world revolves around you?" I responded after seeing him act that way. Exactly how those girls should be talked to in the shows. Absolutely slapped across the face.

"Jeez, Arizona. What possesses you to be so dang gorgeous?" Carmine asked suddenly, and the car braked just as random. I had to be thankful we weren't on a busy street, and that he decided to take a bumpy side road. His own words caught him off guard.

My cheeks heat up so quickly they'd physically burn through my skin, and probably leave a mark. A whole meal could be cooked on it, it lasted so long. "Wh-what?" I stammered.

"N-nothing." He was more flustered than me, and the red color in which he got his name was forming at the base of his cheeks. I got a laugh out of it. That kind of red wasn't so bad, mostly because of what came with it for the first time. I had to mention it too. I can't let him off so easily.

"Carmine." His shy side somehow made me more confident when I reached out for his attention, which was odd - I didn't expect it. For once I felt to be the one overpowering and in control of the atmosphere around us. "You said my name."

"N-no I didn't."

"Yes you did."

"No I didn't. I said Arkansas."

"No, you said Arizona! I have ears." I stomped my foot against the floor of the car. It didn't make much sound when sitting down, but he saw the gesture in his side vision and he got the point.

"Crap! I didn't get through every state yet. I was really going for that." He began putting pressure back on the gas, driving slowly on the dirt path. On both sides of us there were big acres of land, but there wasn't much going on in them. It's strange he took such a route. I was getting used to the sceneries we'd pass before, but this was brand new.

"What nonsense are you spewing that shocked you so much you have to nearly crash your car and kill us both in the middle of what looks like nowhere? Me, gorgeous? Where? Among trash?" I went off without holding anything back, still shaken up from his careless driving.

"First of all, it's not nonsense, I did mean what I said, I'm not a deceiver and second of all, I can demonstrate that to you easily, if you just give me a moment. That's why we're on this route to begin with." I saw in him he was desperate to prove something to me, or not necessarily to prove, but more to do something for me out of his own will, time and effort, while proving a point of his simultaneously. In that process, he developed a very 'why not?' attitude and went through with anything a person could be shy about.

Connie was somehow getting increasingly right. When I was certain I couldn't get more sure I'd be baffled once again. Nothing could go wrong with that. I had a good feeling about it.

Saying the words he did was a full-on accident that slipped, and he knew he couldn't pretend he didn't say it. Since he already did and it couldn't be taken back, and after the denial stage, he grasped ahold of it and took it for what it was. Direct, and straightforward.

I kept my eyes glued on the scenery. Though there wasn't much going on, I wanted to be ready in case there was. I haven't seen it before. Carmine saw that, and he didn't necessarily like it. "Close your eyes." He demanded, yet there wasn't anything rude about it. Question and puzzled loss was drowning my eyes out. He noticed that too. "Just do it. Close your eyes."

I complied, the car driving smoothly through what was darkness for me, until it came to a stop, much more gradual than the one from before. He got out of the car, leaving the door open and that annoying beep to signal that that very door was open for me to suffer through. A cold breeze of a warmer day than most and ear horror is what I was left to deal with. That is, until he returned. "Okay. You can open your eyes."

"What's the point of this?" I couldn't disguise my perplexion. He was handing me a tiny bundle of flowers, and I subconsciously took them in my hands, looking down at the design of petals. "I mean, don't get me wrong. They're beautiful. I just want to know why."

"They're purple. Purple larkspur." His lips curled up gently. "They're your favorite color, so you know they're pretty, yeah? Yet when you're holding them it's beauty crumbles."

"So you're saying it turned ugly when I touched it?"

"You really know how to ruin the moment, don't you?" Carmine debated on rolling his eyes or laughing at what I said when it didn't go as he expected. I didn't get it at first, because my natural reaction was that interpretation. He wasn't going to let me think that way. "I'm saying it's beauty is nothing when you're around."

"Carmine, you don't have to make me feel better. I know my scan score is 55 at the max, and that's if I got my parents better traits. You know that more than me, you saw my score." Accepting compliments wouldn't be a strong suit of mine. I never got them. It's not surprising that it's not a strength.

"Arizona, I've told you thousands of times, your beauty has nothing to do with that number! You're disgustingly beautiful, girly. So disgustingly beautiful to the point that it irritates me."

"You've literally never told me that."

"Oh? Have I not? Well I must've thought it a thousand times." He laughed nervously, sitting back into his seat in the car which shut off the signal, and his leg shook under the wheel the more he exposed himself, before he could think of what to say. He talked fast when he got ahold of where to go. "Anyway, did you know that the general larkspur has good meaning? Purity, a sweet state of mind, the desire to laugh, fondness, a strong bond; they're all nice things, but the purple one specifically is the most touching. I have to give your taste in color that much."

"What is it?" I was curious, and I didn't bury that curiosity.

"First love." He replied.

Fireworks went off in my stomach. Carmine might dress in monochrome, but the brilliance he brings into this world is multihued, and kaleidoscopic.

Utterly and thoroughly prismatic.