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Buzzing Interview

by Rae Rae 4 months ago in Humor · updated 4 months ago

Mark made it

BEEPBEEPBEEP

Mark hit the snooze.

He had forgotten all about his job interview today.

He had gone on what had seemed like an endless marathon of one mundane interview after the next. None of which, by the way had hired him.

BEEPBEEPBEEP.

There it was again. Mark smashed the alarm button to off and sat straight up in bed. All night long a damn barn owl had been hooting it up. Mark lived in the city. He had crap for sleep. And where did that dang owl come from? Usually all he heard at night were the family of possums scraping at his roof. Clawin their way into his house..although the thought of a possum sneaking into his house was enough to keep Mark up at night, he didn’t have the heart to get rid of the harmless creatures. Then he remembered-

“Shit”, he thought.

That interview.

He got in the shower and for some reason the hot water heater chose today to stop working.

“Cold showers in January. Alright. “

Needless to say Mark took one of the quickest showers in all of history and dressed himself.

At the moment he was locking his front door he realized that he did not know the address to his job interview.

The lady he had been corresponding with- Debra, had said she would send the address to him and never had. Mark quickly checked his e-mails on his iphone and confirmed what he already knew- no address.

Mark frantically got into his car which he affectionately called “the wave” due to a decal on the sides of the 2001 Sunfire that he had driven since high school.

He tried calling Debra with no luck. Desperate, Mark did the only think he could think of. He called information. He was applying for a job at a call center for abused women. Apparently their address was kept under wraps. Somehow this was his lucky day ( or so he thought ) because the lady who had answered information had actually applied for a job at the very same call center. She went through her personal e-mails and gave Mark the address. “Thank God I’m not a wife beater “ Mark sardonically said to himself. He was actually extremely grateful at this nice ladies ingenuity. Sometimes you have to break the rules a little bit he told himself, and he was cleared to enter the building. Alls well that ends well, right ?

Wrong.

Mark arrived five minutes before his scheduled meeting. He despised being late & also knew that not to be the best way to get a job. He composed himself after quite an adrenaline rush of a morning especially for a neurotic soul such as Mark’s.

Upon entering the building he wondered if they would even notice that they had forgotten to give him the address, and if they would wonder how he HAD gotten the address. Obviously Sierra from 311 had chosen a different career path. As he sat and waited he began to sweat. The temperature in the waiting room was like a sauna compared to his ice bath from this morning. Mark wondered if you could get hypothermia this way.

“Mark Sween?”

A lady, who may or may not be Debra appeared from the hallway.

“Present!” Mark smiled his quirky smile and stood up.

“Hello, I’m Debra”

“Debra! Hello! Nice to meet you.”

“I noticed we forgot to give you our address..”

Debra trailed off.

“Where there’s a will there’s a way!” Mark thought well she didn’t exactly ask...

She gave him a half smile and a slightly suspicious look, and turned and asked him to follow her back down the hallway.

He wondered if this made him look like a problem solver, for finding the unlisted address on his own, or more like a psychopath murderer. Either way, here goes nothing. One more roll of the old dice. He really wanted this job. Not that Mark was particularly passionate about ending domestic violence- I mean he didn’t participate in it or anything.. it’s just how many Mark’s do you know who have ever even mentioned the words domestic violence. I’ll wait.

He just needed a job.

“Mark, you sit here”

Debra pointed to a chair opposite three others

He was surprised to see two other people waiting for his arrival.

What is this, a parole meeting?

Mark sat down and right away felt something sticking into his leg. He didn’t flinch.

Some introductions took place and then the grilling began.

“Well Mark, what makes you passionate about working here?”

Debra began.

“First of all, I hate domestic violence- I mean.. who doesn’t?” Mark fumbled. He had begun to notice a buzzing sound going around his head. A bee. It was a freaking bee that he had felt on his leg. Round and round it flew and Mark knew, it was only a matter of time now.

“You hate domestic violence? How so?”

“Well it’s an awful display of masculinity.. and”

Debra cut him off-

“Domestic violence is not solely a male crime.”

“Oh sure sure I’ve heard of Naomi Campbell..”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean didn’t she.. attack somebody with a shoe, or a cell phone?”

Bzz bzz bzz

Mark was sweating again.

“Moving on, how do you perform under pressure ?”

“I’m a cool cucumber in a world of hot tamales.”

Mark couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth. The bee landed on his knee. He didn’t believe any of the interviewers had noticed the bee at all.

“Alrighty, can you give us an example of a time that you performed well under pressure in the workplace?.”

The bee was off again, flying around his head at a rapid pace. Mark was terrified. Am I allergic to bees? He wondered. What did they just ask me? Under pressure? Isn’t that what I’m doing now? He tried to come up with a generic answer and shift away from his ridiculous hyperbole.

Bzzbzzbzz

The questions continued. The bee continued. The sweating continued.

Mark felt like it would never end.

Somehow he managed to start giving better answers.

Bzzbzzbzz

“Well Mark, we would like to grant you a second interview, would you be interested in coming back?”

STINGSTINGSTING

The bee gave Mark all it had.

“WHOOPEY!” Mark exclaimed jumping to his feet.

“Is that a yes?” Debra seemed apprehensive

“I’ve never been so excited.” Mark was trying to disguise his pain. He could not wait to get out of there.

Humor

About the author

Rae Rae

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