Brofluff

My superpower? It's not what you would expect, even though you’ve seen it a million times.

In high school, with fat cheeks and curly hair, every day was an exercise in humiliation. Then senior year arrived. I asked out Madison. She “didn’t have time”. The next day, she was with Brad, chiseled and tanned like a California surfer despite it being January in Wisconsin. Reddit said attractive people have nothing special except being perfectly average. It gave little solace.

After graduation, I sat back row at a Milwaukee Bucks’ game, accompanied by a Mountain Dew.

“Max!”

I turned and saw Brad, smiling. “How did you spot me?”

“You stick out.” He gestured at my hair.

“Is that a good thing?”

“You are lucky. No one ever remembers me.”

Around us were a dozen people who looked like Brad.

Then, it happened–my face appeared on the jumbotron

“Do something!” Brad urged.

I rolled my head, wagged my tongue. A wave of laughter rippled through the crowd. People stood and cheered.

Notifications appeared on my mobile, in an ever-growing deluge.

"Saw you on TV!"

"You're a meme!"

My clip went viral. In coming weeks, one thing led to another:

Milwaukee’s Brofluff to join the 24th Season of The Bachelorette!

I was the punchline for the season, generating dozens of memes:

• Laughing outrageously at something not funny
• Being 6-inches shorter than everyone
• Sneezing on a dozen roses

With millions of followers, corporations hired me to bring crowds to store openings, C-list celebrity events, and climate change protests.

The power was intoxicating!

On a whim, with my meme mob, I shut down the New York subway.

What’s next? Drop your suggestions in the comments.