Blackout

A shiver ran down my body as I waited. I saw my reflection in the large mirror across the room and wondered why I was called into the station. I would rather be sitting on a bar stool than this chair.

The room’s large door clicked and swung open. A heavy-set man walked in carrying a folder in one hand and a styrofoam cup in the other. He set his things down and took a seat across from me. He then pulled out a small tape recorder and placed it on the table between us.

“Mrs. Dorne, I’m Officer Mcendy. I have a few questions for you. May I record?” He asked curtly.

“I-I guess so.” I stuttered.

“Good.” He reached over and pushed the large red button in with a loud click, and the tape inside started to spin.

“Mrs. Allison Dorne, correct?” he asked, beginning the interrogation.

I nodded, then said, “Yes.”

“Mrs. Dorne, can you state your whereabouts yesterday, March 19, 2023?”

“Umm,” I began, “I was at the morning church service like every Sunday. Then I stopped at the Jefferies place for a quick hello and to check up on the old man. That old coot will never..”

“After your visit, where did you go, Mrs. Dorne?” cutting me off from my nervous rambling.

Taken by his matter-of-fact attitude, I answered, “I went home, sir. To have lunch with my husband.”

“Did you see anything out of place on your way home, Mrs. Dorne?” he asked, shuffling the papers before him.

“Not that I can recall.” Thinking back, “It was a normal drive.”

Officer Mcendy looked at me suspiciously.

“Ma’am, I need to know if you saw this vehicle while you were driving along Highway 42 south of town,” he stated, sliding an enlarged photograph of a tan-coloured station wagon. I leaned in closer to inspect, trying to will my memory to recollect if I had seen any vehicles at all yesterday. I wished my memory was better.

“I don’t remember, Officer. May I ask what this is all about? Am I in trouble for something?” I started to feel that being here was not simply a community duty.

My mouth began to salivate. I felt the cravings build up again and wondered if the officer had vodka in that cup.

“Do you recognize this man?” Mcendy asked, pushing another photograph my way.

The photograph showed a middle-aged man with closed eyes and a sickly pale complexion. Sweat began to seep from my pores, and my stomach started to churn as I realized I was looking at a dead man.

“No, sir. I don’t.” I said, swallowing the bile that was creeping up my throat. “Why are you asking me?” I questioned.

“Well, ma’am.” he took a deep breath. “Your fingerprints were found on his cellphone.”

I stared at him in shock. How could that be possible?

“I think,” pausing to collect myself. “I think I need to speak to my husband.”

“I am afraid we can’t let you do that, Ma’am. However, I’m obligated to allow you a lawyer if you choose.”

“Ye-Yes, please.” I stuttered. I reached into the handbag beside my chair and pulled out a card for the officer. Tears threatened to spew from my eyes.

“I will have the deputy call him down right away,” he said as he gathered his things and left the room. I jumped as the door slammed closed.

I was locked in. And I was a suspect in a murder. My tears fell.

Scared and confused, I waited for what seemed like hours. When the door opened again, Lucas, our lawyer, walked in swiftly. Without taking a seat, he set his briefcase on the table and leaned across to grab my shaking hands.

“Ally, I am here now. Have they given you any more information?” He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and held it out for me.

“No, Luc,” I said, I took it from him and dabbed tears from my face., “Have you talked to John?”

“Yes, he is out in the waiting area. They want to question him, too.”

“Oh, Luc,” I stutter through heavy sobs now. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what this Officer is talking about.”

“We’ll sort it out, Ally, I promise.” He opened a file filled with scribbled notes

“According to the officer, you stated that yesterday afternoon, you left church and headed to ole’ Jefferies. Where did you go after that, Ally?”

“Like I told the officer, I went home to have lunch with John.”

“You weren’t a bit late getting home?” he quizzed.

“No, I arrived home the same time as I always do.” At least, I think I did. Nothing exceptional stands out.

“Ally, this is going to be a hard question. Have you been drinking again?”

The question stabs me. How could he ask that? The whole town knows that I have been sober for six months. Right now, though, I would give it all up for one drink.

“I had to ask Ally. I have to get the story straight so I know how to fix this. Do you understand?”

“Am I being arrested?”. The itch to get out as soon as possible continued to grow.

“Not officially. They are trying to do everything they can to make that happen, though, so you must work with me here.” Lucas urged.

“What do you need from me, Lucas? I already told the Officer. I don’t know the man. I’ve never seen him before, or the car!” Each time I repeated those words, I felt rage build up inside me.

“Do you think..” Luc hesitated and sighed loudly. “Ally, do you think you may be blocking memories? Like last time?”. That must have been hard to ask.

“NO LUC!” I surprised myself with the anger that flew out of me. “THIS ISN’T LIKE LAST TIME!”

I was, I mean, I am an alcoholic. They say you never really stop being an alcoholic; you learn to cope with the cravings, especially in stressful situations when you would typically reach for the bottle. Today is stressful enough to consider cutting my hand off for a drink.

There’s a comfort you get drinking. It’s a surefire way to forget haunting memories, for a while at least. John found me passed out more times than he would admit, but he always picked me up and dusted me off. Never uttered a peep about it after. He felt he needed to care for me and felt sorry for me because I had no one else. When my drinking got bad, friends and family stopped coming around. Everyone leaves. But not my John.

My worst blackout happened last summer. It wasn’t long after we arrived at the fair when my world spun out of control. Lights flashed as they flew past my eyes. There were loud bangs from games, kids shooting cans and winning monstrous stuffed animals. A clown, juggling pins on fire, moving closer. Was he mocking me? Then everything went fuzzy before going black.

I woke in a sterile, cold hospital room. John, waiting in the chair next to my bed.

He explained that someone had bumped into me, which set me off. In my anger, I knocked one of the flaming pins from the clowns grasp. All the chaos caused a pin to roll under one of the game tents, and the entire row went up in flames.

That’s when I was forced to get control of my addiction. I was sent to rehab for three months and released with the stipulation that I attend meetings once a week.

“I didn’t black out, Luc. I haven’t had a drink in six months.” I pleaded. I took a sharp breath and pulled the coin from my pocket, pressing it firmly against my finger with my thumb before setting it on the table between us as proof.

“Yes, I still crave a drink every damned day, but do I do it?” I could feel the anger bubbling up again. “No.” I whispered, “I don’t.” I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself.

“Allison.” he paused, allowing me to gain control of myself. “You know I wouldn’t be asking you these things if it were any other circumstance,” he paused. “But we have a dead guy on our hands and evidence that you are connected.” He gave me a look of worry before asking again, “You are sure there is nothing you aren’t remembering? Tell me exactly what you saw on your way home.”

I sighed heavily and began to relive what I saw.

“It was my usual drive. It was warm yesterday, so I rolled the window down to feel the wind on my face.” I grinned, remembering the feel of the breeze.

“I was in John’s truck. I used it to take a bench back to the church.”

I thought of John again and hoped he was alright.

“I saw deer just before our turnoff. Quite a few of..” I stopped short, and fully remembered the scene. There was the car. The one from the picture. Parked on the side of the road about 200 yards before our turnoff.

“Are you alright, Ally?” Luc asked. “Did you remember something?”

“Th-the car.” I stammered and started to cry again. “The driver’s door was open.” I picked details from my fuzzy memory.

“There were a lot of deer. I slowed down so I didn’t hit one.” I dropped my head into my hands. Oh god, what did I do?

“What about the car? What else can you remember?” he pressed

“I don’t think it was running. It was empty.” I looked towards the mirror and tried to pull a memory out of the air before me. “Something bumped the truck and startled me. I looked out my passenger window and saw deer leaping over the ditch and into the bush.” The memories were flooding in now. “Oh god, Luc.” I panicked, looking at the table where the recording device lay earlier.

“It’s okay, Ally, nothing is being recorded right now. It’s just you and me.” grabbing my hands again to comfort me.

“I put the truck in park and got out..” my stomach lurched. I was going to be sick. “It wasn’t a deer.” I gasped.

Everything was clear now. There was a man pinned under my passenger tire. Why didn’t I see him? Was he trying to get my attention? His phone was lying next to his lifeless body. I picked it up to call 911; it was dead. I dropped it and got back into the truck.

“Luc,” a guttural sob escaped as I spoke. “I just..went home.”

At home, I watched John leave in the truck. When I woke up in my bed, John was there comforting me. He told me I’d had a bad dream.

The door to the room swung open, revealing Officer Mcendy.

“Mrs. Dorne. You are free to go.” he held the door open and impatiently waved me to exit.

Lucas and I looked at each other, confused.

“Is John still here?” I asked, hoping I could see him.

“Yes, Ma’am, he is. You can’t see him right now,” he said sternly. “He’s confessed to the hit and run, and hiding evidence”

I opened my mouth to detest, but Luc cut in, “Thank you, sir.” Grabbing my waist, he quickly led me out the door and down the hall.

Outside the station, Luc tucked me into my SUV and leaned into the open window.

“Go straight home. I will find out what happened and meet you there. I am going to fix this.” he declared. I nodded, put my car into gear, and backed away from the building. Leaving him on the sidewalk.

I stood at the island counter in front of a glass containing three ice cubes sitting next to a fresh, unopened bottle of vodka.

John covered for me. Again.

Luc better hurry up.