Big Foot and His Dad

This day keeps getting weirder and weirder. I have had enough. I am going home and I am going to stay on my couch with my lazy dogs who don’t even bother to bark at Big Foot. Seriously?! Other people complain about their dogs barking too much mine did not even bother to bark when Big Foot and his dad come into my house to take a shower and then kidnap me. Who knew Big Foot had a dad and that his dad STINKS!!

Crawling up the mud bank? Chocolate bank? To get out of the river I had had enough, done! Get me back to my couch and leave me be for a week, month, YEAR! I have chocolate in my fingernails, eyelashes, ears, even in my bits. This is awful. I remember my friend telling me she thought a great way to go would be in a chocolate river. I am living proof that it is NOT the way to go.

Trudging back to my house, I do not even know which way is home, this part of the woods is not even familiar, I have never seen it before. I guess just pick a direction and go. The chocolate dripping off me will let me know where I have been.

Trudging along I hear those two whack-a-doodles screaming at each other still! “Dad!! You always do ridiculous things and ruin it”. Dad “I do not! I was helping”. Those two are still arguing and neither thought to save me from drowning. There is no hope for them. I wonder why they are even arguing. I trudge over to the two whack-a doodles. “Oh, shush you two. I am full of chocolate, crabby, tired and want to go home. Did it dawn at either one of you to get me out of the river? Did it dawn at anyone that I might have preferred to stay asleep on my couch? Now shush and point me in the direction of my house”.

The two tall hairy guys one really stinky and the other still stinky but in a perfumy way stood with their mouths gaping open not moving just staring at me. I put my hands on my hips stared them down and said “I’m serious! Point me in the direction of my house!”. “Finally Big Foot or is it little foot? Not the dad said, “we would but where do you live”? I could not believe it they forgot what house they stole me from! I screamed a blood curdling cry of frustration. “Seriously guys!”

After stomping around screaming and beating things, including big foot and his dad they finally stopped staring and said “Dee”. I said “Yes! Finally, you Nincompoop. Take me home!”

“We thought you drowned!” Said Big Foot. “You thought I drowned yet you just stood here arguing and didn’t try to save me! What is wrong with you!? Wait don’t even answer that I don’t even want to know there’s so much wrong with you two right now”.

Take me home and let me get back to my couch. Trudging through the woods following Big Foot and his dad. Hoping to never see, smell or eat chocolate again. I have had enough for a lifetime. To almost drown in chocolate makes one rethink one’s love of chocolate.

Big Foot and his dad are still arguing. I am still fuming but picking up bits and pieces of the conversation as they lead me back to my house and back to Big Foot’s condo that does not have running water. I am calling tomorrow or later today to make sure that is fixed and that I never see these two again.

“Seriously you two what are you arguing about”! I ask. Big Foot stomps his foot with shoe on and his father stomps his bare foot. Simultaneously they yell “he wants to wear shoes/ he doesn’t want me to wear shoes.” I stared at them blinked several times and said, “and for that I almost drowned in a chocolate river”. Slammed the door, walked over flopped on the couch. And closed my eyes. I reached out for a blanket. As I did, I found a box wrapped in brown paper. I pulled the box towards me. It did not seem to have any markings on it or anything else. It has been such a strange day I did not care. I opened the brown paper and the box and inside I found “CHOCOLATE”!!! Oh, no! I thought I never wanted to see chocolate again. Turns out I’m so hungry I don’t care, and I eat the chocolate before finally falling asleep to get the well-deserved sleep.