Big Foot and His Dad

I had come back from helping Ms. Annie and had fallen asleep on the couch with my dogs. I heard knocking, thought it was in my dreams, so I ignored it. If it was real, the two dogs sleeping on me would bark or make a noise right? So, I snuggled back asleep then heard the knocking again a bit louder and louder. I had to pee now, so I slid out from under the dogs and went to the bathroom and the dogs were still snuggled on the couch asleep. The knocking continued.

I looked through the window in the door and saw the hairiest man I have ever seen carrying a bath caddy. I must be dreaming so I opened the door. The man said “Hi, the water is out at my condo. My dad is coming to town soon and if I do not take a shower, he will overstay his welcome. Can I please use your shower, I promise I’ll clean the drain”?

I looked at him, he had tons and tons of hair. He smelled, earthy, but the caddy was filled with perfumy fruity smelling soaps. And his feet, his feet were huge! He had on tennis shoes, but they were the biggest feet I had ever seen!

I was still sleepy what did I care if Big Foot just knocked on my door wanting to use my shower. It was obviously a dream my dogs were still sleeping. So, I said “go ahead Bigfoot and use my shower”. He hesitated when I said “Bigfoot”.

As I drifted back to sleep, I was thinking of the conversation I had with my mom after my run in with Mittens, Ms. Annie’s now new cat at her farm, about Big Foot. She said, “you don’t know if he’s a good guy or a bad guy”. Here I am with big foot in my shower and I am about to fall back asleep on my couch.

I guess Big Foot is a good guy my dogs did not bark. Why didn’t my dogs bark? Oh well I am too exhausted to think. So off to sleep I go. I was having some bizarre dreams, I dreamt that Bigfoot came through my front door again, but how could he, he’s in my shower. He insisted I needed chocolate. “I love chocolate” I sleepily mumbled as stinky big foot picked me up and carried me off to some unknown place. I continued groggily bouncing along through the woods on the shoulder of stinky Big Foot. So weird he asked to use my shower and did not shower, but phew he needs to use the shower bad!!

As we were bouncing along Big Foot kept asking me about chocolate and if I liked it and I kept saying “yum, chocolate, I like chocolate”. Then suddenly Big Foot stopped and held me in front of him like a rag doll and said “you like chocolate”? I nodded my head.

He then said, “Then SWIM” and threw me into a river of chocolate! What!? Just a moment ago I was asleep on my couch with my dogs a strange man asked to use my shower, then he basically kidnapped me, and he threw me into a river of “CHOCOLATE”! “This is a river of chocolate”? What how could there me a river of chocolate in my woods that I never knew about? Yet here I am going down the raging river of chocolate in a swift current. This is insane.

Then as I was bobbing up and down in the current in and out of consciousness, I hear yelling “DAD, NOT EVERY HUMAN WANTS TO STEAL YOUR CHOCOLATE, YOU DON’T HAVE TO THROW THEM IN THE RIVER”. And dad yelling “I’M SHARING MY CHOCOLATE”! DAD!!! YOU CAN’T JUST THROW PEOPLE IN THE RIVER”. “WHY NOT”, says dad “I’M SHARING MY CHOCOLATE FOR HER SHARING HER SHOWER! DAD!!!!

So, as I’m drowning in the chocolate, dad and son are arguing about how you can’t throw people in the chocolate river to share the chocolate. Oh, I wish my dogs were not so lazy and would have barked so I wouldn’t have thought it was a dream and would not have opened my door to Big Foot and thus his dad. I’ll just continue along in the chocolate river at least it will be a nice tasty death, I’ve always liked chocolate.