Beneath My Tongue

"I keep your name beneath my tongue

and bite on it each time it tries to escape

I can hardly bear the ache,

but

I love the salted metallic taste." - Sadness in June by Imola Tóth.

---

I bit back the memories as they took form on my tongue. The salty flavours of her. The one woman who silenced the noise in my head. Her skin, fair and taut. Her curves lingered. All memories triggered by the faint taste of her. Her blood, sweat, tears and everything.

Her perfume, her clothes brought her back to life. But her taste made her tangible.

After she had gone, I knew I couldn't live without her.

As I sat lonely that night, missing her, hoping she was there beside me, I didn't have to feel too depressed.

It was a good thing that the e-sense group contacted me with a proposition. One I couldn't ignore. I'm not sure how they got my details or knew about Laura, but in my line of work information is the most valuable currency.

Fortunately for me, a lot of Laura's stuff was still in my flat. Including clothing, especially underwear and jewellery. Her toothbrush and some other personal items. E-sense required them all to build their profile.

Some men in white coats arrived later the following week to collect these samples of her.

It was another week before I received a package and a small capsule.

An instructional video explained that I needed to place the capsule under my tongue and let it dissolve.

There was part of me that thought this wouldn't really work, but as I lay on the bed, alone, I popped the capsule into my mouth and rolled it under my tongue. It felt synthetic but with a strong metallic taste that made me want to spit it out. But I had been warned about the unpleasantness, about the taste. It reminded me of her periods.

Revulsion turned to lust as her memory became manifest. It smelled and tasted like she was beside me. No. On top of me. I could close my eyes and, for as long as her taste coated my mouth and my throat, she was mine again.

The skeptic in me was more than satisfied the next morning. I almost lost her though, but quickly held the capsule beneath my tongue as I had done with her own tongue and other sensitive parts so often in the past.

E-sense gave me a courtesy call when the capsule had run out. They knew I was interested because they knew how long I had been using the capsule without let-up.

We had spent the first night and morning in bed, then I took her to our favourite bistro. It rolled back the years.

I asked if they needed anything else from me and they said no, just another payment. I didn't think anything of how it all worked because I was on cloud nine again.

They had it under control and I could afford to have my Laura back for good.

The wait was excruciating. To think I had gone months without my Laura and here, now, just a few days and I was suffering withdrawal symptoms.

An inconspicuous black box arrived on Friday, just in time for my long weekend off. I took the box with me to the penthouse suite at our favourite hotel and opened it as I sat in just a robe on the edge of the bed.

To my surprise there was a note from e-sense.

"We hope you enjoy the upgraded experience. We have taken the liberty of providing you with a month's supply of Laura's e-sense. Regards, e-sense!"

I took out one of the capsules and rolled it in the palm of my hand. It was smooth with a light squish to it that returned to its original shape when I stopped pressing it.

Already I could see that this was going to be different and perhaps more intense than before.

As I placed it under my tongue and held it in place, I was almost knocked unconscious by the strength of Laura's scent. My nostrils flared as I inhaled and could taste her flesh.

As I fell back, the recollections, the memories, were stronger than ever. The more my saliva moistened the capsule and the more her heady flavour filled my mouth, the deeper I felt a connection again. My Laura was just that, mine.

There were no arguments, no indecisions. We ravished each other like never before.

Afterwards, as we waited for room service, I realised the more I pressed down on the squishy capsule, the more tangible she became.

I imagined holding her, feeling her skin on mine, her head on my chest. Squishing it, I felt her, heard her gasp in shock.

I lost track of time. Playing around with Laura. Knowing I could do exactly what I wanted with these memories. I felt contentment for the first time in a long while.

I must have worn out that first capsule because the next day I needed to use another. Perhaps they were one use only?

Taking the second out, I was struck by how much more the texture resembled skin. Not in a disgusting way. But they had obviously gone to great lengths to improve the sensation and experience.

As I stroked and pressed it, even before placing it under my tongue, I felt her there with me. Gasping and grappling at my arms. Electricity flowed through my body. It was exhilarating.

Once she was in my mouth, I toyed with her as I always did. It was always a bit rougher than last time. Her gasps were the fuel, driving my lust. I could feel her playful resistance and pleas.

After hours, I woke and felt the aftershocks and aftertaste. Metallic, salty. A lot of the previous night was a blur.

It brought back strong memories of times from our past. When the intensity was too much. When there was more than just saliva. I could taste her blood beneath my tongue. But when I looked in the mirror, there was nothing.

As I lay back down on the bed, staring at the box and the pill, now much smaller than last night, I did start to wonder what they were made of.

The final day of peace and tranquillity in the penthouse suite arrived with a bang. To my nervous system. I woke in shock with hitched breathing like I'd had a nightmare and a headache that made my skull feel tight. I grabbed the remote control to close the curtains and keep out the unforgiving, unrelenting glare of a new day.

I had been warned about side effects. I had been cavalier about them. This was ridiculous. Pain beyond the surface of my flesh.

And yet.

All I could think about was the third capsule. I needed my Laura. My painkiller. Now more than ever.

I didn't waste as much time as before, caressing and savouring the feel of her touch in the palm of my hand. The pill was even softer, felt more visibly buoyant. Still, I needed to take my mind off the pain, to numb everything.

It was a little harder to keep her in place. She kept shifting and almost fell out of my mouth, but the moment my tongue connected with the surface, I was transfixed and lost in my Laura. Her fragrance, natural and intoxicating, her gasps as I grazed her sensitive skin. The curve of her back, the pillow softness of her thighs. The pain stopped and I held onto Laura tightly. I needed her. My painkiller.

My tongue pressed her down against the bottom of my mouth and I was sure I heard her.

One word.

"Stop."

But it couldn't be.

Over the course of the day, the intimacy was the most realistic I had ever experienced. I hadn't forgotten the voice, but I figured it was just a hallucination or a perk of the technology. It didn't feel like a huge deal really.

I had my Laura. We were happy.

I took her with me as I sat by the pool and sipped mimosas. She had a mojito as usual.

When she wanted to take a dip, I had to stop her. In truth I didn't want anyone else taking advantage of her or enjoying the view. She was mine and I needed to protect her.

After I checked out and headed to the car, I didn't notice that the third capsule had fallen out of my mouth.

I stood on it.

"Please don't!"

Did I hear things or did I hear her voice?

I took my foot off the capsule and looked at it. Shrugged it off as another hallucination. I wasn't worried about the capsule as she had been thoroughly used. E-sense had told me about their environmentally friendly design principles.

When I arrived home I slid the box down and helped myself to another capsule. This was definitely stickier, more translucent, with what I figured resembled veins. I could have sworn it was pulsing.

Reacting to my touch as I took her up. My Laura. Mine.

I lay on the bed and felt her need for more intensity. Despite her insistence on resisting my tongue's presses. Again I heard a gasp and a weep.

"Please don't do this!"

I ignored it because I needed her. And she was just a capsule, a synthetic replica.

It really didn't matter.

The next morning I woke happier than I had been but covered in sweat and other fluids. There was a salty, crimson, metallic taste in my mouth. Again, nothing when I looked in the mirror.

Laura had worked her way to the foot of the bed, a shadow of her former self. More husk than capsule.

My head ached and I couldn't even open my eyes. Though I'd prefer to have a break, the only solution was to seek out the box and take a fifth capsule. This felt undeniably like a piece of flesh, and I happily suckled on my Laura and felt the headache subside.

I had been invited, because of my use of their product, to visit e-sense headquarters. I decided I needed the moral support a little stronger than usual and popped a sixth capsule.

I wondered if it was a mistake, then convulsed violently before I was forced back. Then I felt a strong urge to kiss Laura and not let up. After an intense thirty minutes, we then got ready. I kept her, both capsules, under my tongue. One definitely vibrated more than the previous incarnations.

It was a delightful reminder of the fight Laura had in her. Her fire.

I followed the satnav directions to reach e-sense's hugely imposing complex outside of town.

It was every bit as impressive as you might imagine.

Sanitary and white on the inside, it was well ventilated and modern.

I was expected as a friendly woman behind the desk asked if I was Mr Powell.

She told me to wait, and that the CEO of e-sense would be with me.

A man in a white suit and black shirt approached me.

"Hello, Mr Powell. I am Jean-Luc Desraili. My team and I are delighted with the progress you've made. You've adjusted to our specialised trial living source capsules. Many of our other participants have found it difficult transitioning to synthesised memory constructs."

"Living source?" I asked.

"Of course, Mr Powell. Can I call you Gerald? Gerald. Initially the first set of capsules were synthetic and utilised the DNA traces you provided. But the new ones have been from a fresh source!"

I was shocked. Did they mean Laura was alive?

"Yes, she is alive and providing her essence to you. That's what you paid for. Would you like to see her?"

"Yes. I would. Is she in pain?"

"Follow me," he responded, ignoring the last question.

He led me to a room where I was surprised and brought to tears. Laura was sitting in a very skimpy gown, attached to machinery. Tubing ran from her chest, her throat, her armpits and between her legs.

She looked uncomfortable but heavily sedated.

"Laura?"

As her eyes met with mine, I felt a shot of guilt.

"Are you here to rescue me? To sign the forms and take me home?"

I could hear and feel the pleas, her cry for help.

"Mr Powell. We have just developed a more prolonged iteration of the capsules you've been enjoying. This one offers full complacency and can last a total of seven days."

"Will it hurt Laura? Does she feel it every time?"

"I feel it every time, Gerald. Please make this stop!"

"Will I lose her if I stop taking the capsules?"

Mr Desraili smiled knowingly.

"I think you know the answer."

I took one look at Laura and then the pill. As soon as I touched it, I felt a rush like no other and when I popped it into my mouth it bent and pressed itself to the bottom of my mouth. It felt like I was suckling on Laura.

"As long as I get to keep my Laura. Forever mine."

I walked out the door and never looked back.

*

Thanks for reading!

Author's Notes:

This story was written for Awesome L.C.'s Dollar Challenge – Quote Me Baby (Vocal Legends Edition). The challenge was to build a piece around a quote from another Vocal writer.

I chose the quote from "Sadness in June" by Imola Tóth, one of my favourite poets and friends.

I found myself wondering what it would mean to take the idea of keeping someone's name beneath your tongue literally.

The cover image is Beata Beatrix by Dante Gabriel Rossetti. Something about its dreamlike meditation on love, loss and memory seemed to belong here.

If you haven't already, I'd thoroughly recommend reading "Sadness in June" and checking out the other entries in L.C.'s challenge.