Bail Me In

Hello new friend! Welcome to my cobweb. My name is Straighty Hay Man. I am a piece of alfalfa that was turned into hay over 40 years ago, then named by an angel and saved by a gust of wind. I still can't believe I have a name...most hay is simply clumped together for animal feed. Lux is my angel, and it is she who taught me, "I am more than just a cut, dried, and yellowed piece of alfalfa.” She was wide eyed, full of laughter and she always left life in her wake. Her hands plucked me out from a bale, held me tight, then eventually placed me here, in this old barn to be given purpose. That was over 40 years ago now. I’d love to tell you a few stories about Lux and life in this old barn if you’d listen.

I should explain how I escaped the fate of nearly all hay; to be comped and chewed by livestock. To be swollowed then passed through the four chambers of death, then shot out as the origin material of magic fungi or just left in repose on daily trodden fields.

I just made myself sick…sorry.

Anyways. The day after I was named, a chance gust of wind lifted me high up into the rafters where I have been stuck in this cobweb ever since. From this vantage, I can see the farmhouse through the South window and have a clear view of the whole barn interior, plus I can see out the main barn doors when they are open.

The barn was built many years ago by a man who had a wife and two children. I’ve watched his grand children come, grow and go, then have children of their own. The builder’s eldest granddaughter is my Lux.

I only ever heard three conversations with Lux and her grandfather, my two favorite people.

One was the day she found me. She was knee high at the time.

“Papa! Do I have to-have to go back to Mama’s tomorrow?”

“No sweetheart, you will stay here with Meme and Papa for a few months.”

“I want to stay here forever Papa.”

“Ah! We’d love that too, SheShe.”

“Papa? When- when is Daddy coming back?”

He didn’t answer her, at least not where I could hear him. He just kept holding her hand while they walked, then he stopped, scooped her up and held her in his arms as he walked.

The second conversation was when she was as tall as the pitch fork used to toss feed to the cows. The old man was still strong then.

"Papa, do you remember Meme's white horse?"

"You mean Sweetness? Now how could I forget her? I remember the first time I lifted you up onto her back. Ah, the look on your Meme's face."

"Can you tell me the story again? I want to write about it for my summer project."

I remember this day too, but I like how Papa tells it so here it is word for word.

"Well you and I just came back from the hospital where we said bye to your Daddy.

He stopped at the moment. Anytime Brent came up the man would go quiet. Then he’d continue.

Meme was out riding as she often did in the warm early evenings. As I walked towards the barn with you held to my chest, Sweetness trotted up to us and stopped. Right in front of us, as if she was expecting us. I could tell it was Sweetness doing the leading by the look on your Meme's face. I swear that she was able to feel the weight of what I held in my arms."

"The weight?"

"Yes baby girl. You. YOU weighed more than you do now, on that day. My knees could barely keep from buckling. Sweetness sniffed your little head then sort of nudged at mine. It seemed she meant for me to place you up on her back. So I did...and she stood so very still. I think she was aware of our loss on that day. Now her stillness meant a lot if you understood how constantly Sweetness would move day and night."

"What did I do?"

"You hugged her neck and kissed her. You were just about 4 years old and had no idea why we were at the hospital, but I believe your soul did. I didn’t know how to tell you that your daddy passed on. I just told you he needed to sleep. I’m sorry about that Luxy.

Lux told him “Oh Papa I understand. It’s ok, I’m sorry to make you cry.

Oh you know I cry more the older I get.

They both laughed. He had the best laugh.

Anyways, I think Sweetness come to comfort us both in that moment.

"Oh that's right. Sweetness was a wild horse that Meme started when she was just 19! My age!"

"Yes well she wasn't found out on the range like all the others. Your Meme was feeding the fish down at the pond the day of her Daddy’s funeral when she looked over and saw Sweetness calmly drinking. “She’s my Daddy’s Sweetness,”. She’d always say. I am convinced your Meme and Sweetness were knit at their souls. "

"I love your poetry Papa."

They laughed and walked, holding hands, beyond the reach of my hearing, except for their laughter.

Ahh, I always get lost in telling these stories. I will get to how I was named.

I grew up nice and tall then was cut, tedded, racked and wrapped up in a hay bale. Then, left to ferment like all hay in baling season. One summer day Lux and her grandfather came walking through my field. She climbed up on the bale and pulled me out. There is not a rhyme or a reason to why she chose me or why in that moment she crested life out of, "just a piece of hay." But...it forever changed the course of my existence.

Eventually we make it to the barn where Papa sets to feeding the livestock while Lux plays with me in the barn.

"You are Straighty Hay Man!" Lux decrees.

AH! THAT MOMENT! THAT MOMENT I WAS FLOODED WITH SO MUCH WARMTH AND PURPOSE!

"Let's go! Watch out there is a giant spider!!!" She used her hand as a spider that I eventually conquered.

Then...

Her name was called and she darted out the barn door as I was left feeling like the center of the world. Now I know those moments may not have been the most important to her, but that idea robs no joy from how full I felt. How full I still feel to this day.

I wonder how many other odd, random, "pieces" were given life by this angle. I'd love to meet them. Perhaps we could swap stories and dote on the little lady who spoke life over us.

I saw many things from this perch. I will list a few here so you have an idea of how much one set of eyes can see in a lifetime.

I witnessed Sweetness being put down by Papa as Meme stood crying out of view.

I watched as Meme pushed her son around in a wheelchair. Then a few days after I met Lux, many cars came to the house. All the people dressed, all in black.

I watched Lux and a man walk and hold hands. I watched them kiss. Later, they dressed up and had a party where Lux was in the most beautiful white dress.

I remember a giant yellow machine with a long arm on it, digging a hole between the farmhouse and the Big Oak. A group of men lowered a long box down into it. The old man would stand by a stone that was put on top of the spot, every evening from then on. I could never hear him but I knew he was talking. I remember seeing him bend over laughing once. I remember him on his knees crying a few times as well. He’d often sing.

I remember Lux walking with Papa with a little girl in between them. She was holding both of their hands.

I remember another hole, box, stone and people dressed all in black.

Then no one for many years until this past spring. Lux came with her daughter and the man that kisser her while she was in the white dress. They ran around the barn for a few moments, Lux stepped inside and looked around. She looked up. I like to believe she saw me, and remembered me. Then they went over and placed flowers by the two stones. They sang there a little, then left.

OH! The Third Conversation with Lux and Papa! This was after they dug that first hole. I learned what the hole was on that day.

"Papa, will you come and live with Robert and me?"

"Oh now sweetheart. I can't leave this place. Too many of my precious memories are here."

"Also lots of sad ones."

"Oh that's very true, sweetheart. That's very true. But Luxy gal, I love them all. The fullness this place has brought me. This barn that I built with my Daddy and Papi. The Ashes of your Daddy mixed into that pond, stream, and over the fireplace. The memory of you running through the fields creating worlds all along your path. Burying your Meme by the "Big Oak". So, so many."

She then just wraps her arms around him.

"Papa. You have been the one to see me and love me like no other. It was your eyes, your voice, your songs, your laughter, your stories, your hands. It was your love that held me through so much of the hard times in my life. You..are my angel Papa. You are my angel."

His eyes swelled and tears fell. It sums up exactly how I feel about her.

They then walked hand and hand, like always, over to the stone that Meme was buried under. They swayed back and forth as they both sang. That was the last time I saw them together.

I haven’t seen anyone from the family in years, and I noticed this old barn is starting to sway in the wind. It won’t be long now until it falls and my stories will be forgotten. I am thankful for being bailed out from the bale to be brought into this barn. I am thankful for the day I was named. I am thankful for that gust of wind and this old cobweb. I’m thankful for the gust of wind that blew you up here too...do you have a name?

I know you may think you are just a dried leaf, but if you wanted, I could give you a name.

Let’s see. What’s a great name for you?