April

April 1st

“APRIL! COME HERE!! Aww yes the horrific sound of Veronica's voice at 6 in the morning. “WHAT DO YOU WANT?”.... Dead silence carried through the house. Of course she wouldn’t answer. Sometimes I have the urge to strangle this woman. I walk to the living room and stare at her violently. She says and I quote “What are you doing?” I mumble, “Unfortunately I’m staring at you.” She scolds me, “what did you just say?”

“Nothing. I just got up. What do you need?”

She looks at me hatefully and says “Derek is coming over today, so you can’t bring any friends over here and you have to be out of the house by 5pm.” Are you fucking kidding me.. This woman wants me to get out of my house just so her ugly ass boyfriend can come over. This white bitch.. You know what, I'm going to keep my cool. It’s not like this is the first time she’s done this. No wonder why my dad left her ugly pathetic ass.

I go into my room and slam the door. I then jump in my bed and go back to sleep.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

“Ugh, it’s 4:30 already?” I ask myself. As I try to look for my loud ass phone I tip over the bed and fall. “Ouch, what the fuck.” I find my phone under my bed and I turn the alarm off. “APRIL STOP ALL THAT GOD DAMN NOISE!! AND YOU BETTER BE LEAVING SOON!” Oh how I want to punch this bitch’s face in.

I hop in the shower and blast Willow Smith. Ugh, I love her, she’s pure ecstasy. I get out of the shower and I put on a black T, gray joggers and black air force 1’s. I stare into the mirror for a good fifteen minutes, admiring how beautiful I am. I look at the time to make sure I leave before this woman opens her mouth again. I call my only real friend to see if I can come over. We always have sleepovers when my mom decides to kick me out and uses our place as a sex den.

*BEEP* *BEEP*

“What's up boo” Nina says. Ugh I love her; she always answers on the second ring, she is always here for me. She’s literally the best presence anyone could ever have. “Hey stink, I need a place to stay tonight. You got me?” I ask. “Boo you know you can come over here whenever you need to. I don't ever mind.” Nina asserts. Yo, sometimes I feel like I can deadass marry my best friend. I don’t need anyone else. “Thank you so much boo. I know you always got me.” I grin. “May I ask what’s going on?” Nina questions. “My mom is just being the usual cunt” I giggle. “She wants me out of the house because of her man.” I mock. “I’m sorry you have to go through that, boo. I love you so much and I want you to be happy so you can be around me for however long you want.” Nina cheers. “I love you more. I’m going to see you soon. I’m ready to be on my way.” I say. “Alright see you soon.” Nina states. I get all packed up to leave for four weeks. I need all the space I can get from my mom. She is way too toxic; she only wants me around when she has no one. Today isn’t the first day she kicked me out over a “boyfriend”. Keep in mind she has multiple of them. Why can’t she blow off one of her hoes to be with her daughter? Especially on her birthday. For once why can’t she choose me like my best friend chooses me? I will never understand. That’s the only person who actually gets me. The only person who ever loved me for me. She has been my inspiration for a long time. There are times where I really just want to die, but Nina; she is magic. She helped heal a lot of my spiritual wounds. I think she may be my soul mate. Sometimes I just want to tell Nina how I feel, but I have to keep in mind I just let go of Leek, I’m still trying to get over a traumatic experience.

As I’m driving to Nina’s place I see Leek, seeing me. He’s basically stalking me. Did he think I wouldn’t notice? Or does he not even give a fuck that I see him?

I get to Nina’s place and before I could even enter her home she gives me a big hug and she kisses me on my cheek. Love fills my heart; I could just feel my vagina dripping in my undies. I slightly pushed her off because I was getting way too excited. “HEY BABY! I’m so happy to see you. I missed you so much.” Nina gives me another big ass hug and a kiss. “Hey boo. I’m happy to see you too.” Nina and I haven’t seen each other in about two weeks because she was taking care of her mom. Nina is such a beautiful and amazing person. Nina just pauses and stares at me with this beautiful smile on her face. At that moment all I wanted to do was grab her and put my tongue down her throat, but I knew that would come off as too much of a shock. “Nina I just want to..” Nina cuts me off and says “Hold that thought boo. Let me get your bags and let's go inside.” As I’m following Nina into her house all I hear is “SURPRISE!” I jump up in fear rather than excitement. It was a surprise party for me. I never would’ve thought she would throw me this big party. She doesn’t even like people. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY APRIL!” Everyone screamed. “Thank you guys for coming. Love all of y’all!” I shouted. I’m a loner, but I’m a popular one. People know me, people respect me, but I don't hang around people often.

“Hey April. How have you been? I haven’t seen you in forever.” Kimmy says. “Hey, I’ve been alright, I’ve just been chilling with Nina.” I state. “I thought we were friends too. Why don’t we ever hang out; just the two of us?” Kimmy asks. “We definitely were great friends, but all of that changed when I started to see you less and started to see Nina more. I announce. Kimmy looks at me with a blank stare. She looks at me as if I broke her heart. “Are you okay?” I asked. “No. I remember when me and you were once that close. I remember being with you everyday.” Kimmy argues. “You were with me up until what day? You left. You didn’t talk to me anymore and then when you realized Nina and I were getting closer you got jealous.” I argue. Kimmy starts to tear up in my face. I’m not sure if she thought I was going to comfort her, but I wasn’t. I didn’t say anything hurtful. All I said was the truth. As she’s crying I just simply walk away to go talk to Nina. “Hey Nina why the fuck did you invite Kimmy’s weird ass? She literally just cried in my face because I basically told her you were my best friend. Don’t bring girls like that near us anymore. That’s way too toxic for me and I already have enough of it at my house.” I vent. Nina looks at me then looks at Kimmy, then she looks at me again. Nina starts to laugh her ass off. We see Kimmy crying even harder, and I start to laugh with her. Kimmy continues to cry because she assumes we were making fun of her bawling. I don’t feel bad at all because she didn’t have to speak to me, she could’ve just ate and danced. There was plenty of music and food. Everyone else that we know from high school knew better than to come up to me if I didn’t go up to them. Everyone always worships Nina and I just because we’re funny and amazing to be around. It's like our energy alone fulfills people. I’ve been ignoring all of them for months and they still fuck with me. I honestly wish they would just leave me and Nina alone; I just want to be around her sexy ass. As Nina and I are laughing I spot Leek coming into her house and joining the party. I quickly grabbed Nina and took her upstairs with me before he saw us. “Nina, why do you keep inviting these weird, toxic people?” I ask. “Girl, we need the balance and who else did I invite that was toxic?” Nina groans. “Leek is here. You know the dumb ass nigga who cheated on me.” I snap. “Woah, woah, woah. I didn’t invite that bitch of a man.” Nina vouches. “Then why in the hell is he here?” I growl. Now I’ mad. (No, I am not mad at Nina; I just hate the fact that people I don’t fuck with are all around me). Instead of going back and forth with Nina I go and confront Leek.

“What the fuck are you doing here? Why the fuck were you following me earlier?” I yell. Leek looks at me smiling like an idiot. He hands me a boxed present. I throw the present right in his face and I ask him again. “Why the fuck are you here?” I yell. “I came to say happy birthday. I wanted to give you your gift, but I guess you don’t want it.” Leek whimpers. “You bet your ass I don’t want your fucking gift. Leave me the fuck alone. I don’t want to see you again.” I plead. I walked away and went back up stairs to Nina. “Instead of hiding, I went off on him and left him weeping.” I laugh. “Girl, you're crazy. One of the things I love about you.” Nina giggles. I could literally look into her eyes all day. I just want to hear her speak to me one more time. “Nina, I have to tell you something that is eating at me.” I whisper. “What is it, April? You know you can tell me anything.” Nina reassures. I look deep into Nina’s eyes. “I’m in luh..” As I am about to tell Nina I love her, Leeks dumb ass flies through the door. “Please April, I love and need you in my life. I made a dumb ass mistake. Kimmy’s pussy wasn’t even as bomb as yours.” I look at Leek in complete shock. Why the fuck would any person say that to someone they say they love. “Bitch why would you cheat on me in the first place? Are you dumb?” I yell. Nina looked so irritated. It seemed like she wanted to jump in the conversation. I’m not sure why she didn’t. I would’ve loved for us to tag team his ass. “I know I am dumb, I was dumb enough to lose the best part of my life.” Leek admits. “Aww, how sweet; luckily I don’t give a fuck about your self hate and loathing. I was talking to Nina, get the fuck out of my face!” I screamed. Leek walked away with a tear falling down his face. Nina and I laugh. “I am on a roll today. I made two people cry on the same day.” I brag. “Girl, you’re so mean. I swear I’m in love with who you are. I wish I could be that brave.” Nina states. “You are brave as well,. sometimes it’s way more courageous to be sweet than to be mean. Even though sometimes you may not always have the courage to go off on someone, you do have the courage to help someone out. Not everyone is willing to take on a stray. Plus you have me to fight your battles for you. I love you and I am always here for you” I declare. “April you mean the world to me. You are like a little sister to me.” Nina reassures. The word sister made my whole heart sting. I have no chance with Nina; she doesn’t even see me in a romantic view. She sees me as a kid or a baby. “So April, what were you going to say to me before Leek interrupted.” Nina asks. “I was just going to say that I’m really sad about me and Leek’s break up. Not because I want him back, but because he hurt me. He even had sex with that weird ass bitch Kimmy and I didn’t even know that shit before he told me just now, so now I feel even worse. I should go beat Kimmy’s ass.” I declare. Nina was looking at me as if she was worried for her. Nina is the sweetest person and she doesn’t like to see anyone get hurt but I had to take my anger out on someone. I’m not even really mad at Kimmy; I’m upset because someone I love can’t ever love me the way I love them.

I ran downstairs and started to smack talk Kimmy. I wanted her to get mad, so she could put her hands on me first. “Aye, stank pussy bitch!” I call out to Kimmy. “Who the fuck are you talking to?” Kimmy snaps. “I’m talking to you, dry pussy! I’m staring right at your mustache bitch. You know I’m fucking talking to you!” I shout. “Bitch do you want to fucking fight?” Kimmy growls. “What are you going to do bitch? I dare you to put your hands on me.” I scold. Kimmy pushed me two times before I actually got her to punch me. Once she punched me I was on demon time. I blacked out and I have no clue what I did. All I know is she’s on the floor bleeding through her nose, mouth and eyes. I literally bashed her face in. Once I realized what I did I told everyone to call 911. I knew I had fucked up. I am fucking 20 years old for God’s sake, I could go to prison. I’m hoping and praying she doesn’t die by the likes of me.

The ambulance finally came; as they took her off to the hospital I’m praying to God and asking for his protection. “God if you let me off the hook for this one I promise I won’t hurt another soul again, Amen” I prayed. I leave Nina’s bedroom and go outside to get arrested.

They took me to the police station to question me. I’m hoping to God that I don't have to spend a night here… Shit I hope I don’t have to spend my life here. “Tell me everything that happened. From start to finish.” Officer Kanan insisted. “I’m going to be completely honest. I’ve been drinking a lot and I heard that she slept with my ex boyfriend while he was still my boyfriend. I knew he cheated; I just didn’t know he cheated with her until earlier. When I found out I was furious, so I started to smack talk. I didn’t want to put my hands on her until she started to threaten me and she pushed me twice then punched me. I understand that I was bad mouthing her, but she hit me. I thought in this country you could speak freely? And I’m certainly not going to just let someone punch me, It was self defense.” I plead. “I understand that but you could’ve killed the girl. Do you think she deserved to get hurt that badly?” Officer Kanan questions. “I didn’t mean to beat her that badly. I literally blacked out. That’s how angry I was. I didn’t understand why she was hitting me when she’s the one who had sex with my ex boyfriend. All I did was talk shit, next thing I know she’s punching me. After that everything went black. All I remember is her being on the floor bleeding so much; I was the one who told everyone to call 911. I felt terrible and it seemed like nobody held me back. No one defended her. I do regret this whole thing.” I admit. The officer just looked at me. He didn’t say a word, he just stared. As he was staring at me with this serious but blank face, I started to tear up. It took everything in me to hold my tears in. I wiped that one tear off of my face really fast and I just looked back at him. Next thing I know he walks out. I’m sitting in the interrogation room, scared to death.

He comes back and he puts me in a public jail cell until my court date. I could get out if someone pays my bail, which is 3,000 dollars. I should’ve known my mom wasn’t going to help me. I guess I’m just going to be in here for another two to three days. I’m not too sad about it though. This is what I deserve. I shouldn’t have hurt that girl over my own issues. To be quite honest I don’t give a fuck about her or Leek. I just care about Nina. I wish I could be with her. I want to be one with her. I want to be a part of her every being. She makes me feel so poetic and loving.

April 2nd

“Aye wake up”. Ugh someone is trying to shake me out of my dreams. I’m not ready to wake up yet. I don’t even care if it’s one of those ugly bitter girls from earlier. This dream is getting too good. I’m with Nina and she has all of her clothes off. Her beautiful brown nipples are in my face and I see her perfect body. She eventually put her dark chocolate vagina in my face. I literally feel her juices dripping down my face. Now in my eyes… and damn even my nose. This shit starting to hurt “GET OFF OF ME!” I scream. I wake up to a police officer dumping water all over my face. I couldn’t breathe.. What the fuck is wrong with these people? “I’m not on you. I was trying to wake you up for the last 30 minutes. Someone is here to bail you out.” The officer states. “Who?” I ask. “They said that they are your friend.” The officer said. I just felt in my bones that it was Nina. I just know she’s the only one who would do this for me. I follow the officer only to see pure ugliness in my face, It was fucking Leek. He better not think that I am going to take his dumbass back for this because I am definitely not. I look at him with the most disgusted face you could ever imagine. He stares at me as if he’s in love with me, but I know the truth.

He finished paying my bail and then convinced me to go with him. I had no ride and no phone. I left my phone and car at Nina’s house. I had also realized that the officer didn’t let me get a phone call. I wonder why that is. I really wanted to call Nina to let her know that I was okay. “Aye Leek, can I use your phone?” I ask. “Yeah. Who are you calling?” He interrogates. I roll my eyes. “Nina.” He looks at me up and down as if he wants to seduce me. “Don’t even think about it. Just because you got me out of jail doesn’t mean I want you. Me and you are done. You would do some shit like cheat on me with an ugly bitch. That’s not right; I deserve so much more love.” I argue. I call Nina to tell her I am on the way to her. “Hello?” Nina answers. “Hey it’s April.” I announced. “I am so glad you’re okay, April. I am so sorry I couldn’t pay your bail.” Nina apologizes. “Boo it’s okay. It’s not like this is your fault. She will get into trouble as well because she punched me before I even decided to do anything.” I insisted. “You’re right. We were also really drunk. None of us were in our right mind. We shouldn’t have brought an enemy to a party anyway.” Nina adds. “Right, I’ll knock on the door when I’m there boo. See you soon, love you.” I say. “I love you too. See you soon.” Nina confirms. Me and Nina get off the phone and I hand Leek his phone back. “You’re not going to Nina’s house. You’re coming with me.” Leek teases. “Leek, why are you doing this?” I ask. “Because I love you April. I really am sorry and I would never do that again.” Leek pleads. ‘I don’t believe you. I don’t give out second chances and you know that.” I reply. “Please April. The only reason I cheated on you was because you never gave me attention. You were always with Nina or by yourself. You never talked to me about what you needed. You always went straight to Nina. I didn’t feel important in your life. You always used to ghost me. It was like I was just another person to you.” Leek announces. Leek had a point; I never gave him a real chance. I was always obsessed with Nina. Nina is the only person I actually think about on a daily basis. I don’t even like Leek; I was just using him for sexual pleasure. Sometimes I just got bored of him and kicked him to the curb. I realized I didn’t even know Leek. “You’re right. I never gave you a real chance. It’s hard for me to trust people. Cheating is one of the reasons why. You crossed a line; I understand that I wasn’t giving you the emotional attention that you needed, but I was giving you the physical attention. Did you and Kimmy have a connection? Did you like her? Or do you still like her? If so, maybe just try being with her.” I say. “I’m sorry that I broke your trust, but I want to get it back. I want to give you emotional attention. It wasn’t just about you not contributing; it’s the fact that you wouldn’t let me contribute to your life. If you knew I was going to bail you out of jail you wouldn’t have let me. Even if I didn’t cheat. I don’t like Kimmy, she was just there and we both were feeling the same way about you. We both didn’t feel important in your life anymore. I don’t know why I had sex with her, but I regret it. That’s why I told you once I realized what I had done. I wanted to fix things as soon as I broke them. This is how I know I love you. If you were anyone else I would’ve kept it to myself.” Leek vows. “Fine I’ll go with you and we can TALK some more. Just let me use your phone so I can call Nina. I need to let her know I’m going to be coming her way a little later.” I state. “Okay I got you.” Leek hands me his phone and I dial Nina’s number. “Hey boo, I’m ready to hang out with Leek for a while. Just to TALK.” I announce. “Okay boo, have fun and be safe.” Nina says. “Alright talk to you later.” I hung up the phone and just enjoyed the ride to his house.

We finally got to his house an hour later. I take a shower while he cooks me some food. I walk out with one of his big shirts on and his sweatpants. He is skinny enough to where I could fit almost everything in his closet. I’m surprised I never noticed how much he took care of me. It just makes me realize how much I’m in love with Nina. She has my heart and literally all of my attention. After she told me we were sisters yesterday I had to come back to reality. I have to understand I’ll never have her in the way I want her. I wouldn’t mind settling for Leek. He’s not too bad I guess. He cooks for me, cleans after me and he paid my bail. The least I can do is give him a second chance, right? “Hey boo, here's your waffles and bacon.” Leek hands me the plate of food and gives me a kiss on the forehead. All I could think about was how these waffles weren’t Nina’s waffles, this bacon wasn’t Nina’s bacon, those lips on my forehead weren’t Nina’s lips. I tried to have gratitude though because not every girl has a man who loves her as much as Leek loves me. I’m going to try to stick with him; I’ll try to love him for my own sake. It wasn’t worth fantasizing about Nina anyway because she doesn’t feel the same way. “Hey you okay over there?” Leek asks. I guess he could tell I was in deep thought. “I’m good, just thinking.” I replied. “What’s on your mind boo? You know you can talk to me.” Leek promises. “I’m just hoping that I can love you the way you deserve to be loved. I’m starting to understand why you cheated. I just don’t want it to happen again.” I lied. In all honesty I’m just depressed because I can’t have Nina. I’m not sure when that will change, but I am hoping it will change soon. “Boo I promise I won’t make the same mistake I made. I know I want you and only you; I won’t screw that up again. It wasn’t your fault; I’m just going to have to try way harder to win your heart.” Leek assures. Leek was a sagittarius; he never gave up on this relationship even when I wasn’t in it. I could tell he gave a fuck at all times unlike Nina. Even though Nina loved me and I knew that, she didn’t consistently show it unless I needed her or I reached out to her. Which is not really a bad thing. I just wished she was as obsessed with me as I am with her. She’s a libra, so it’s really hard to tell if they like you more than a friend or just as a friend. It frustrates me so much. “Leek I’ll give you one more real chance, but if you fuck this up then you will never hear from me again. Do you understand?” I say. “Yeah I understand baby.” Leek starts to look at me up and down as if my remark turned him on. I start to giggle a little. “What?” He starts to kiss on my neck then he goes up to my lips. He puts his tongue in my mouth and all I can do is think about Nina. He picks me up and takes me to the bed. He spits on his hand and goes down to my vagina. As he is rubbing me, he licks and sucks on my neck. I start to moan gently; I grab his face and I start kissing him. As we are kissing I take his pants off and I start to stroke his, you know. It gets harder every time I stroke; I finally ask if he had a condom. He shakes his head yes and he goes to get it from his dresser. He comes back to the bed with the condom on. I get on top of him and I start to ride him slowly. My juices drip down his balls and onto his booty. He tells me to turn around so he can make love to me from the back. I can’t lie, it feels good to be with a man, but I can’t help but wonder how it is to be with a woman I actually love. I came on Leeks dick and he finished in the condom. After we were done we put on the tv and started to cuddle. Every time I am done having sex I always end up falling asleep. Does that happen to anyone else? I guess I’ll never know, because Leek is always hungry and wide awake after sex. It kind of aggravates me because all I want to do is sleep. Instead he drags me out of bed to eat again. I wish I knew how Nina acted in a relationship. “Hey baby, do you want a massage?” Leek asks. He’s never asked me this before.. “Sure boo.” I speculate. As I am laying on my stomach, Leek gets on top of me and starts to rub my shoulders and my lower back. It feels so good; his hands feel like magic. I’m not going to lie slowly, but surely I’m becoming mesmerized by him again. He’s trying to please me so much and I’m starting to fall in love with the special treatment. “This feels good.” I moan. He looks at me seductively. “Again?” I asked. I knew damn well I didn’t care, I just wanted to act all innocent. I actually like having a lot of sex, espcially with him. Sex was probably the only thing we had in common. “If you want to, boo. I’m not going to keep having sex with you if you don’t want to. I only look at you like that because you’re beautiful. Your voice, your smile. You make me feel good.” I slide from between his legs; I flip over so now I’m laying on my back instead of my stomach. I grab his face down to where I am and kiss him. As he is on top of me kissing me, he slides my panties off. He knew exactly what I wanted. He takes off the shirt that I’m wearing and starts to lick my nipples. He then puts my whole breast in his mouth and starts to suck. He rubs me up and down; then he slides one of his fingers inside of me. I gasped, then I started to moan gently, but loud enough. He put my hand down his pants; it was like a rock. I imagine how it will feel when he finally puts it inside of me. I get wet really fast; It’s like I already crave it before I intend to do it. I was wet by the time I said “again”. He goes to my stomach and starts to kiss and suck on my skin. He goes down to my vagina and starts sucking on my clit. He puts his tongue inside of me and it feels so good.

*RING* *RING*

I move Leeks head away from my coochie. “Oh shit, hold on I forgot to call Nina. This is probably her.” I look at Leeks phone and like I said it’s Nina. “Hey boo, sorry I didn’t call you when I got here. I had forgotten.” I murmured. “It’s okay. It’s not like you are obligated to call me boo, I just wanted to check up on you. Making sure you’re okay.” Nina explains. “Yeah I’m okay, stink. I’ll call you when I am on my way to you.” I reply. “Okay, bye.” Nina grunts. Nina hangs up in my face; I wonder if she’s upset because I was hanging out with Leek. I don’t know why she would be; she’s the one who said we are like sisters. It really doesn’t make sense for her to be mad that I am back with Leek. Maybe I should text her and ask. “What’s wrong baby? Are you ready for this mouth again?” Leek asks. “Hold on real quick. I’m trying to think.” I say. “What are you thinking about?” Leek questions. “I’m just thinking maybe I should go to Nina now. I can see you tomorrow if you want to chill again.” I blurt. “Whatever makes you happy, boo. I’ll take you now If you’re ready.” Leek insists. “No, actually let's finish what we started and then you can take me to her house.”I confirm.

After Leek pounded me like it was the last time he was going to see me, we drove to Nina’s house. I knock on the door and Zy opens the door with just a towel. I look at him with so much confusion. “Where’s Nina?” I ask. “She’s in the bedroom; she told me to answer the door and tell whoever it is to leave.” Zy states. Why would she do this knowing I was coming over. She knew me and Leek were hanging out only for a few. The only person I trusted more than anything is mad at me. It literally feels like I have no one at this point. “Let her know I need my phone, my bag full of clothes and my car keys.” I say. I start to hear things being thrown down the steps. Zy handed me my things, then I turned around and I went into my car. I call leek, so I could ask him if I could stay with him for a while. “Can I stay with you for a month? I was going to stay with Nina, but now it’s looking like she doesn’t want me around. I still live with my mom, but I’m trying to move out and the best way for me to do that is to be gone for a month, so I won’t have to pay her rent.” I announce. “Of course you can stay with me. You can stay with me for longer than that if you have to, baby. I’m here for you.” Leek reassures. I’m hoping with all of my being that this is the right thing to do. And if it’s not then I’m hoping me and Nina make up soon. Even though I have no idea what made her so agitated. “Thank you, boo. I appreciate your help.” I grin.

I drove back to his place and when I got there his phone kept ringing nonstop. For some reason he wouldn’t answer it and it was making me think what if he’s cheating already and all the things he said to me were lies. “So why aren’t you picking up your phone? I question. Leek looks at me with a smile. Why don’t you answer it next time it rings?” I look back at him. “Maybe I will.” I sneer. His phone rings again and I take a look at it. “It says your mom is calling you.” I tell him as if I was trying to help, but we both know I was just being nosey. “I know. That’s why I am not answering it, boo.” He giggles. “Oh. What’s going on with you and your mom that makes you not want to talk to her?” I ask. “She’s just very possessive and also she’s only calling me because she wants me to pay her bills. Every other time she doesn’t even talk to me.” Leek chuckles. Being around Leek made me realize me and him have something in common. We both have fucked up moms. Maybe that’s why we attract people who are also fucked up; like each other. “Wow. That’s crazy because my mom is the same way. She only wants me around unless it’s beneficial to her.” I groan. “Yeah parents can be a handful. I still love her, but I definitely ignore her when I can. I can’t be around toxic people or things anymore. I have to be the right man for you.” Leek insists. It hurts that it couldn’t be this way with Nina, but I am willing to be with Leek. He seems like the right choice right now and I have nowhere else to stay. I work at this call center company called Popups. They sell all types of electronics and games. I basically have to answer rude phone calls from customers who need to ship their items back or if something broke on the way to them. I get cussed out on a daily basis just because I’m an employee at this terrible job. The only thing that gets me by is that 1,000 dollar check every two weeks.

Leek and I watched a movie last night and talked all night. I’m starting to become closer to him than I’ve ever been. I still hopelessly miss Nina; I wish she would return my calls and let me know what’s going on with her. She’s the one who said we were like sisters and now that I have a boyfriend she’s making me feel like I cheated on her. I was really hoping she wasn’t jealous because that would mean I’m in love with two people and two people are in love with me. I would have to choose and at this point that would be the hardest decision ever. I still want to talk to her though because I don’t want this whole thing to ruin our bond. I even told her in the voicemails that “I don’t know what’s going on and I really want to fix the situation.” She still hasn’t answered me. I guess I’ll never know what is wrong with this woman, her ass really has me all the way fucked up. I get into my Honda and drive to the tobacco shop; I park in the very front of the shop. I get out of the car with Leek’s big shirt and sweat shorts, still wearing my black Air forces. I go into the shop with my head high, mean muggin’. Everywhere I go I look angry and mean, because I really don’t want anyone disturbing my peace. I already saw three people staring me down, and Of course they had to be men; one of them is light skinned with a thick beard; his body type is athletic and thick. I'm not attracted to men who are really buff. It makes me feel uncomfortable. He’s not ugly, he just looks like he would crush me. I really like Leek because he is slim and his face is pretty; I don’t see myself with any other guy. I go up to the cashier and I ask him for hemp woods. Yes, I smoke weed, that sweet mary j. It really helps with my headaches and my chest pains. I need weed more than ever right now; Nina really messed up my mood. I really wanted to patch things up and talk, but I feel like giving up already. She’s never disrespected me like this before. The way she was avoiding me was as if she was tired of me. I’m definitely not going to continue to run after her. She doesn't deserve that especially because she is not being mature and communicating to me what is wrong with her. This really hurts me; It only took two days to ruin our friendship. I guess our bond wasn’t as strong as I thought. I went into my Honda and drove to my secret hide out spot, so I could smoke in peace. I didn’t want anyone looking at me or being around me. All I wanted to be was alone. Everyone had screwed me over. First it was Leek when he cheated on me with Kimmy, then it was Kimmy, the bitch who punched me in the face. Now it’s Nina, the bitch that I absolutely love. I’m really starting to learn that everything is temporary. You lose people when you think about yourself, you lose people when they don’t get their way with you. You lose people when you don’t give them as much attention as they want. You lose people because they also lose you. I ask myself why does life have to be this way? Does it even have to be this way? At this point I’m questioning my whole existence. Is life even for me? It seems like I can’t get a thing right. It seems like all hope is lost. It seems like nothing can go right after this. Nina is gone; I literally don’t know what else is there. I’ve been friends with Nina for five years. She really brung me out of a dark place and she has a special place in my heart. Losing her feels like I’m mourning a death. She’s never acted like this which is why I know it’s over between us. It’s sad because it was literally over before it started.