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Angelica's Shark

by Haleigh Overseth

By Haleigh OversethPublished 3 years ago 5 min read
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“There’s nothing like the sea for soothing sore nerves,” I thought to myself as I sipped a strengthening cup of morning tea. I was relaxing on the veranda, or is it a balcony? Raised type of thing, you know, full of outdoor lounge furniture and overlooking the beach in a menacing sort of way. Well, as I say, I was relaxing myself in said furniture and with said beach view, puffing away at one of those disposable flavored hookah pens, pineapple or mango or something fitting my locale. Absently observing the bathing suit clad strollers and swimmers this lovely A.M. and rather enjoying a much needed bit of respite from ye ol’ nine to five prison sentence, I interested myself in the conversation of a young couple, carried upon the breeze as it were, to my resting spot.

“Darling, won’t you join me? The water is quite refreshing, really,” called the female of the pair. She was a rather lovely girl. Long in the legs and full in figure, wearing a bright red vintage number with polka dots, along with a matching summer hat roughly the diameter of a large umbrella.

“Uuuhhuh,” was the feeble reply of the male counterpart, lounging up the beach a space with his face buried in a book. It must have been a juicy little novella to so ensnare his attention. That, or the poor fellow was of delicate monied stock and had no spine for the great salt waves. Judging by the scene I am about to detail for my public, I should presume the latter to be true.

For some little time, the young lady continued to espouse the merits of dipping one’s toes in the sea and otherwise making her best efforts to cajole her beloved into leaving his book and chair in favor of joining her. When suddenly, the young woman was stirred to a rather terrible state of agitation. A screaming fit reminiscent of Hitchcock began to issue forth, and her words were a bit difficult to discern for a moment.

“Angelica, really, is this necessary?” her limp and lazy partner oozed as he sat up a trifle and lifted his head from his book. “Darling, I told you before we arrived, I really don’t want to go in the ocean.” he moaned.

“It’s a shark, George! A shark! Help!” this Angelica wailed, apparently rooted to the spot in fear.

“A shark?” replied this young, evidently, George character. “Darling, are you quite sure? I don’t see any protruding fins.”

“Aaaahh! George!” Angelica spat in frustrated and still harried tones. “Do something!”

“But what can I do, darling?” pleaded George, only just now finally standing up and beginning motion in her direction, though none too rapidly, I must say.

“Uuuurrrhhh! Sebastian! Sebastian, there’s a shark! Help me!” Angelica was now addressing a boy that had hitherto gone unnoticed by me as he did not seem to be previously engaged in the proceedings. However, at the behest of this Angelica, the sprightly looking adolescent sprang forward, seemingly out of nowhere.

“A shark!? Is it a big one?! Woopie! Stay still sis, I know just what to do!” And immediately, this Sebastian darted out of sight again without any further explanation.

None too comforted by her brother’s exclamation and subsequent departure, this Angelica carried on with her panic stricken shouting to George, who had moved himself closer to the action but not so close as to let his own feet enter the water.

“George! I’ll be eaten! It’s attracted to red! I’m wearing red! It’ll swallow me whole!”

“Well, darling, why must you wear red then?”

“Pchah! Do you suggest I parade about this beach in the nude?!”

“Of course not in the nude, no. Perhaps in a shade of blue, better for camouflage, if you see what I mean.”

“And I suppose this great beast shall just wait for me to change into something else more suitable, shall he?! Get help you hopeless buffoon! Sebastian!!!” Angelica bellowed, now seeming to be quite incensed as well as afraid.

At this juncture the retreated youthful hero returned with what he had evidently determined to be the right stuff. And mark my astonishment, as I watched the accursed twerp produce from what must have been thin air, or perhaps a side pocket out of my eye line, a whopper of a stick of dynamite!

“What on earth do you propose to do with that?!” George burst out in shock.

“Sebastian, don’t!” begged Angelica, now moving through the knee deep water away from the coming explosion. The shark, if there was a shark, for the nonce, had somewhat become a side issue. “Sebastian! No!” Nothing doing. The kid Sebastian had already ignited a lighter and touched flame to fuse. He wound up like a professional ball player and loosed the object in the direction of his sister.

A shrieking Angelica dived below the surface and away from the explosive just soon enough to avoid loss of limb. There was the devil of a bang as debris of sea flora and fauna, along with a fountain of seawater rushed skyward and came back down squashily.

Self, having ducked down for preservation, rose to see a soaking wet, blustering Angelica hauling herself up onto the beach, seemingly without grievous injury but certainly the worse for wear, with Sebastian running to the rescue and darling George bringing up the rear. The entire commotion, having by now drawn a small crowd, culminated in a good deal of shouting from all sides in varying degrees of “What’s all this?” and “My god! Are you alright?” and “What the bloody hell are you playing at?!”

Whether or not ties betwixt dear Angelica and drooping George were being severed, I cannot say. Nor can I confirm or deny whether the creature from the deep got it in the gills, nor, in fact, whether there had been any gills at all to be gotten. Weary as I was from trials and tribulations of my own, you’ll recall I was on this veranda or balcony as a means of long deserved relaxation, I did not remain in statu quo, as I believe the expression is. I took a long puff off of my disposable tropical flavored little whatsit and retired indoors to escape further intrusion from the authorities, who, no doubt, were converging on the disaster speedily and would soon be interviewing witnesses. I was in no fit state to provide a statement to the gendarmerie.

“So much,” I thought musingly, as I slid shut the balcony door behind me, “for soothing the nerves.”

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About the Creator

Haleigh Overseth

South Dakota girl looking for adventure in this life. If you like my fiction, check out the podcast version, The Adventures of Abernathy Franklin. See all my links: https://linktr.ee/h.overseth

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