An Olympian in New York

“What are you doing, Dad?”

Apollo walked into the living room to see his father, Zeus, looking at a mobile phone and he was surprised. His father had been reluctant to embrace any technology more modern than the trident ever since he had moved into the new place in New York. Not waiting for the answer, he moved through to the kitchen to make himself a coffee. The first smell of the beans brought moisture to his mouth – as much as he had always enjoyed ambrosia back in the old days, he had to give it to the mortals for inventing coffee.

“Using an app,” Zeus said, not looking up from his phone, idly swiping as he spoke. “Hermes set me up. Get me a cup?”

Apollo finished making the coffee and brought Zeus his drink. “What is it?” he asked, trying to glance over his father’s shoulder. Zeus kept moving the phone so that his son couldn’t get a look at it.

“It’s called Tinder.” Zeus still didn’t look up.

Apollo shook his head as he sat down. “Tinder, Dad? Really?”

Zeus nodded. “Yes. Ever since Hera kicked me out of Olympus, I’ve been lonely.”

“That’s never been a problem for you before. Less than a dozen of your kids were borne of Hera.”

Zeus finally looked up. “I know – but the world has changed. I tried approaching women as an ant, and a golden shower, and a swan. And nothing – they weren’t interested.”

Apollo shrugged. “Well, to be fair, none of us really understand how the ant thing worked the first-time round.”

“She was an ant as well at the time.”

Apollo waited for more explanation but spoke once it became clear that none was forthcoming. “That doesn’t help with understanding the situation.”

Zeus looked back at the phone. “Like I said – it was a different world back then.”

“So, what happened with the swan?”

“Which time?” Zeus asked. “With Leda, or the more recent one?”

“I don’t want to hear about Leda – we all know that ended with one of the worst wars history ever saw. The recent one.”

Zeus put the phone down again and gave his son a confused look. “It was strange. There were a group of them, and I swam up to them – as a swan. One of them looked at me, told the others that I might break their arms in a strange voice, and then they all walked away again. Not a one of them looked ready to catch me.”

Apollo shared his father’s confusion. “That is an odd thing to say,” he replied. “But really? Online dating?”

Zeus nodded. “Yes – Hermes suggested it and helped me set up my profile.” The older god was starting to sound indignant at Apollo’s protests.

“Well,” Apollo said, holding up his hands in placation, “I’d never want to question Hermes’s methods – I suppose an online app to get in touch with people is inside his wheelhouse. Just, please keep in mind that you can’t treat women the way you used to – even if you meet them on an app. They might not seem real when you’ve only seen them on the internet, but they are.”

Zeus snorted in indignation. “I know they’re real. I always treated the women well back in the day.”

Apollo shook his head. “No, Dad, you didn’t. Standards were different back then, sure, and you could get away with more, but that doesn’t mean you were treating them well. You certainly can’t treat women that way anymore.”

Zeus put down the phone completely and stared at his son. “I will be a gentleman.”

Apollo rolled his eyes. “Even if you are, they’ll want different things to you. You’ve always been a one-night seduction and then move on kind of guy. A lot of women will want more than that. They probably wanted more than that back in the day, but now you have to pay attention to these kinds of things.”

“I know!”

“And part of this is not trying to trick them into sleeping with you. Enough of the ridiculous disguises. Just swipe right a few times, hope others do the same for you, and meet them. Chat, have coffee, see if you hit it off.”

Now Zeus’s anger was gone, replaced with confusion. “That sounds like being with Hera. It’s slow, and boring.”

Apollo sighed and dropped his head into his hands. “Yes – it’s slow. But please give it a try.”

Zeus was about to speak, when his phone buzzed. He closed his mouth again and looked down. “What does this mean?” he asked.

Apollo looked over. “It means that somebody you were interested in is also interested in you. You can contact them to chat now.”

Zeus grinned and nodded. “The old man’s still got it.”

Stephanie sat on the park bench waiting for Zeus to arrive. They’d been chatting for a couple of days before he’d convinced her to meet him – he was charming, and old fashioned, and she’d found him very curious. Yes – weird name, but a lot of people were giving their kids weird names. Clearly, that practice had started earlier than she’d realised.

She watched the other people around the park whilst she waited. There were couples walking together, and children playing. Others were walking their dogs, and a few people pushed prams. Stephanie sighed – he was so ready to be one of those people, that wasn’t just sat on a park bench alone. She’d eventually tried online dating due to how little time she actually had to get out and meet people around work. Chatting with Zeus had gotten her more excited than she had been for a long time.

She looked up and then turned her face away again. Only after a few seconds did she look again. Somehow, strangely, there was a large white bull walking towards her. Stephanie rubbed her eyes, still not able to believe what she was seeing. Not only was there a bull in the park, but it was white – she’d never seen a white bull before.

When she dropped her hands, the bull was still there, and was still walking towards her. She checked her phone – Zeus was late but hadn’t sent any kind of message. She looked up again – the bull still approached.

Ah well – stood up again. And she’d been so excited to meet Zeus.

She stood up and walked away, speeding up when the bull continued to move towards her. Stephanie put her phone to her head and called the police – there shouldn’t be a bull in the park, and so somebody would need to do something about it.

Before she could finish the call, the bull was somehow in front of her and Stephanie stopped where she was, phone still to her ear. She looked behind her, wondering if there were two bulls, but it was just the one that had moved. Something stopped her from making the call.

Apollo watched the encounter between Stephanie and his father (in the form of a bull) for a few minutes, before he dropped his head into his hands and realised that he had to intervene. Clearly, no matter the advice he’d been given, old habits would die hard for Zeus. He rose from the bench and approached the young woman that had shown an interest in his father. He waved as he approached.

She saw him and allowed him to approach, despite her obvious confusion and discomfort about the bull.

“Hi,” he said when he got close enough. “Sorry to approach out of the blue like this, but I’ve got a message for you.”

Her eyes raised in surprise. Whilst she glanced round at the bull again, Apollo looked over her shoulder and mouthed to his father: change back.

“Who are you?” Stephanie said, looking back to him again.

“I have a message from Zeus for you. I’m afraid his phone broke, but he asked me to let you know that he’d be delayed for a bit. He’s really sorry.”

“Oh,” replied Stephanie. “I guess I can wait a little longer.”

“No need!” Apollo pointed behind her to where Zeus had taken on his actual form and was approaching. Stephanie turned to face her date and smiled at the sight of him. Apollo took the opportunity to leave, his work done. He only hoped that his father would remember the other advice he’d been given.