An Imaginary Foe

I awoke with a sense of being watched, of having been tapped on my shoulder. Not again I thought, I tried to center my thoughts and maybe see something in the darkness. I couldn’t remember if I had been dreaming, but I felt like someone/something was or had been in the room. It was still very dark outside, and no sounds at all. It was my 15th birthday, a hard one this would be.

When I was younger I always had this recurring dream/nightmare type of situation that happened on several occasions. I would be sound asleep when all of a sudden I would begin suffocating I knew I was asleep yet the pressure on the back of my neck was very much real, I would begin trying to turn myself around but proved unsuccessful, no matter how hard I tried I felt like something was pushing me down and holding my neck against the pillows. I had a tendency of sleeping on my tummy, with my arm against my forehead (still do). I was afraid of many things, mainly visible and touchable things, the dark and unknown not so much, but I do believe that some forces are out there. This realistic dream took place many times, and every time it happened it was more and more clear.

It had been a few years before it happened again, this time I was in a new home, recently married and pregnant. I came to realize that this dream happened during those times that I was going through changes. And it began early in my life, as young as eight years old. I woke up feeling that pressure on my neck again, I turned over while still in my bed and took a deep breath, my lungs hurt as if I had been deprived of air for a long time. I was wheezing and coughing, this time it felt very real so much so that I had more pain. As I began feeling the pressure on my neck I told myself “open your eyes, turn around you can do this,” but as I tried to turn I felt more pressure on my neck I was being held down tightly, i felt the air leaving my lungs my face was now fully covered by my pillow, and no matter how hard I tried i could not move, I felt the familiar fear that came with this nightmare I was sure this time I would die here. I tried calling out to my husband, but my voice was silent, I felt my lungs burn, I struggled to move to no avail, it felt like hours went by before I was able to finally turn.

In the silent attack I turned to my side and was able to get my face out from the pillow, and steal a small gulp of air, but in the darkness I was still being held down, as I took the air in I gained some strength and was able to fully move my body I felt the pressure released from my neck, and turned around as fast as I could and as I did I was able to catch a glimpse of a tall hooded shadow with two white eyes, as I tried to focus on the vision it faded away toward the door never really getting there, as it disappeared from my view, I sat up and rubbed my eyes and realized that I was still struggling to breathe, my lungs hurt and my entire back was sore, I turned again this time toward my bed lamp, and as I reached to turn it on I saw this little green orb float towards the window passing over my bed, it did not scare me, I actually felt at peace, i began breathing a little better, I decided not to turn the light on, I checked the time it was 3:18 A. M. I realized that it was the same time as the last 3 times this happened, the only difference is that this time I caught a glimpse of the reason for my neck pain, what did it mean, I don't know, I don’t think I'll ever know, I happened three more times, and each time I was going through a change, and I was able to see the tall hooded shadow and the little green orb, one wanted to kill me the other came to my rescue.

Fifty years of life and several nightmares later I am now at peace with my life, both the shadow and the orb have not come back, what did it mean, what was the reason for the near-death experiences, or the promise of life I’ll never know, but they were there and as real as the bruises I had on my back and neck every time it happened, on the last episode the shadow was holding on to me as I turned around fighting to keep me down, I was able to pull on the robe, and take a good look at the dark space that had no face yet two white lights for eyes. And as I held on to the robe the green orb passed right over me and out the window, as the shadow faded out in front of me. Life is very mysterious. I wonder what is out there, and if anyone has had similar experiences.