All is Fair in Love and War

My gas-mask rolls from my bag as I rush through the London underground, sirens wailing, announcing impending German bombs. Cowering from the thunderous noise, I clutch John's medal tightly, remembering when we said goodbye. John and I married three months before war broke out, and like a good man he didn't hesitate to sign up. If only he knew what was to come. Newspapers hide the horror stories, but other wives at the factory all have their tales to tell. Sons, husbands and fathers return blinded or maimed, or worse, killed overseas in a ditch in France.

I'll never forget Mr. Hardy, my unretired postman, knocking on my door.

"Mysterious package for Mrs. Timmins. Have I missed your birthday, poppet?"

"Please Gerald, call me Cindy. And no, my birthday's weeks away."

I eyed the package suspiciously, I was not expecting anything. That brown paper package, wrapped in twine, would be forever imprinted in my memory. I wish I'd never set eyes on it.

Delicately untying the string, I glide my fingers underneath the folded paper, smoothing it out, revealing a green velvet box and accompanying letter. Inside the box was a beautifully presented copper medal, with a striking Blue and Red ribbon, inscribed:

Awarded to Private John Timmins for bravery

How wonderful, I remember thinking, I couldn't have been prouder of the man I loved. I tore open the envelope, hoping it was from John.

Dear Mrs Timmins,

It is my unfortunate duty to inform you that your husband John Timmins has been missing in action for several weeks. We have no information regarding his whereabouts, and at this stage have no alternative that to presume him deceased.

John was a dedicated soldier. He demonstrated bravery that inspired his fellow servicemen. It was a pleasure to have been his Sergeant. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that John saved countless lives, and helped in protecting our great country. His medal is awarded in recognition of this.

Apologies,

Sergeant Hodgkin's

The word devastated doesn't come close. My John ripped away from me, four years awaiting his return, only to have a few words on a page destroy any chance of that.

For months I kept away from everyone, I wouldn't even answer the door to Gerald, nothing mattered anymore. I couldn't have "tea and chat" with the girls, and spent my days in the factory in silence, staring into space, a hollow shell unable to carry on. I'm ashamed to admit that for several weeks I stayed in the house during air-raids, praying for a bomb to hit my house, to take me to John. But somehow, weeks later, I was still unscathed. Finally I relented, and let my neighbour Mavis in.

"You're young Cindy, look at you! Beautiful, no children, the right side of twenty-five! Some women don't get married until their late twenties these days! But you'll never find a new man with your teary face. You need to come out, smile! Get your best frock, and go back to your friends!"

I knew Mavis was right, I had my whole life ahead of me. I'd always wanted to be a mother, and would never have the chance if I didn't meet another man. Drying my tears, I smiled for the first time in a long time, and Mavis beamed back.

"Come now, dear, when the boys return, you'll be back to your old self!"

I took her advise and regained contact with my closest friends, but a part of me questioned whether I would ever truly be able to love again. I tried to get back to normal, but I didn't think I would ever be capable of loving someone like I loved my John. I never though my heart would mend, until that day in the underground where I met a handsome man with skin as dark as chocolate, and a smile I couldn't help but mirror.

"It's okay Ma'am, it's all over now. Here, you dropped this." He reached into his kit bag and pulled out my gas mask.

"Don't wanna get caught with no mustard gas, that's for sure." He spoke with an unusual accent, perhaps American? He had the most dazzling smile, rendering me speechless.

"This is yours, Ma'am?" Blushing at my shyness, I nodded hastily.

"Th-thank you so much! I-I'm Cindy".

"Carlton. Pleasure to meet you Miss Cindy. If you don't mind me being mighty forward, you seem cold. Can I offer you my jacket?"

Unsure if it was the cold or nerves, but his jacket stopped me shaking. He reminded me of John, a true gentleman, clearly cold himself and yet willing to endure it so that I might be warm.

"I'd offer to walk you home Cindy, but I don't know my way around these parts."

"Are you one of these American troops I've heard about? Come to help end the war".

"I hope so, this war seems never-ending, there's been too much bloodshed already. Good men gone …"

Carlton trailed off, his face pained, the same pain I felt when I learned of John's death. I clasp his hand, and look into his eyes.

"Thank you, I can't imagine what you've been through, but I can see the pain it's caused you. I lost my husband, and somehow lost myself too. But you've lost and you keep fighting. I'm glad we've got people like you on our side."

A tear trickles down Carlton's cheek as I pull him into a deep embrace. Two lonely people, one far from home, one who's home would never be the same, comforting each other in the cool night air. There was something about that hug that drew me to Carlton, "a spark" as my novels would say, and I knew I had to see more of him.

"How about you walk me home tonight Carlton, so you know how to find me, then maybe we could meet again tomorrow?"

"I would be honoured."

Over the next few days, Carlton and I would meet for lunch. I didn't have much with my rations, but Carlton was a sweetie and brought little surprises with him, making quite a picnic. I couldn't believe it when he brought me a whole bar of chocolate!

"Carlton, that's too much! I haven't seen chocolate in years, however did you get this? You must've saved all your stamps!"

"No trouble at all - a sweet for my sweetie!"

I blushed, feeling so underserving of this wonderful man's attention. We grew closer as weeks passed, unable to be without the other, longing for each other's company. Carlton taught me to laugh again, love again, and brought meaning to my life. I even thought about remarriage, though I knew my imagination was getting the better of me. I chastised myself, it had only been a few weeks, and a lady should not let herself succumb so easily! But I could see that Carlton was falling for me too - he invited me to a fancy ball at his army base as his date!

Dancing the night away in each other's arms, my best frock swishing against Carlton's Khaki uniform. Carlton looked as handsome as ever, and the magical night made me realise even more so that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man.

Whisking me outside to the balcony, his expression changes.

"Cindy, I have to tell you something! We're being deployed tomorrow. That's why they put this ball on, one last 'Hurrah!' before we're fighting again. I didn't know how to tell you, so I wanted us to have the best last night together before I go. But I promise, when this awful war is over, I will come back for you."

"Carlton, please don't go! What if you don't come back? I can't lose you, I can't!". I beg, sobbing into his chest.

"Cindy, you love me because I'm a good man, and I wouldn't be a good man if I stayed. I promise, you're not going to lose me. I love you, and I've got something for you, so you know I'm coming back".

On one knee, Carlton presents a beautiful gold ring with a delicate diamond.

"Cindy, will you - "

"Yes" I reply breathlessly, before he can say anymore, and I kiss his warm tender lips, tears mingling on our cheeks, from sadness to joy.

"Carlton..." I whisper in his ear, overcome by the whirlwind of conflicting emotions.

"If this is our last night together, then ... then lets spend it together like a husband and wife."

***

Two years later and I pray for a knock at my door. War over, and our men were finally returning home - Mavis' sons were back already. Every woman prayed for their loved ones to walk through their door. I knew I was being silly, I knew Carlton had died, I knew the second the brown paper parcel came through my door. I couldn't bare open it, couldn't do it again. I hid it under the stairs, and listened intently to the wireless for any news. But the wireless was to fail me also, announcing that his platoon had been hit, with no survivors. Still I ignored it, I had to. I had to have hope that he would return to me.

A knock at my door jolted me. Could it be? Did I imagine it? I rush to the door, fumbling with the latch, and swing it open to reveal...

"John? John I thought you were dead?!" I fling my arms around him, in total shock and disbelief.

"Did you not hear from my Sergeant? He said he wrote to tell you they'd rescued me from a Prisoner of War camp. Oh Cindy, I'm so sorry my love!"

I rush to the stairs and tear open the parcel, to reveal another letter and medal for John - explaining his return!

"John I'm so sorry, I thought ..."

I stop myself, realising in a sickening moment that I have to tell the truth to my returned hero, as if the horrors of war hadn't been enough for him!

"John, there's something I need to tell you. Please understand that I thought you were dead, and I cannot describe how heartbroken I was. But there's something I need to tell you."

I take his hand, and walk him to the living room, terrified of his reaction, and filled with guilt.

"John, this is Janet. She's ... she's one. It's just me and Janet, no one else, but she's my daughter."

John's eyes widen as raga and disbelief flash across his face, looking into the eyes of girl that isn't his. Her dark curly hair and caramel skin a stark contrast to his pink face and straight blonde hair. Janet beams back, and clasps his finger with her tiny hand, and his smile softens.

"She's beautiful, just like you." He pauses, choosing his words while all I can do is hope.

"How wonderful of you to adopt -"

"John she's not adopted, I need to tell you - "

"As I was saying Cindy, how wonderful of you to adopt a little girl in need of a home in such sad times. I think for both our sakes, no explanation is needed." He says sternly, but then smiles at me for reassurance, and I realise he has accepted what's happened. I smile back, knowing all was forgiven.

"I always knew you'd be an amazing Mum, Cindy. So amazing, that I think we should have another one. " He winks at me, making me blush, and it's like he never left. My lovely cheeky husband returned to me, as if the war had been one long nightmare that I had suddenly awoken from.

"I can't talk about what happened to me either, Cindy. All is fair in love and war. I've waited so long to return to you. Let's pick up where we left off. It's okay. It' s all going to be okay."