Alchemy & the Aspects Within

Every night at midnight, the purple clouds came out to dance with the blushing sky. I send my gaze down, see my hands, count them 5, 7,9 fingers. I turn my head in slow-motion, take in the dreamscape. The stars descend, floating slowly like balloons losing air, they’re dressed in gowns, all pastel and flowing material. They land all around me, I nod at them and they stare back at me, amused by my appearance. I forgot to dream of a better outfit, I look down at my baggy t-shirt and grippy socks. My character changes, now in black trousers, a green corseted top, boots and black rimmed cat-eye sunglasses. There’s no better way to hide than behind sunglasses.

As I walk, the dreamscape changes. White sand swirls all around, stretches for miles into the horizon, an endless desert, massive pyramids and large cats. Their great eyes pierce me, watchers in this world and beyond. I’m moving quickly now to avoid detection. If my awareness is discovered the dream will end, or worse. I’ve been searching my subconscious for weeks and I’m getting closer but it’s difficult to stay on task. The dream is seductive, she hypnotizes and distracts, she launches me into my daydream fantasies. I see him in the distance, beackoning me like he never did in the waking world. His smile and eyes are warm. My character shifts, her hair spills out, long waves of brown, her traveling outfit becomes a gold slip, her feet are bare, ankles adorned with delicate jewelry. I start to walk towards him, I’m moving quick and his smile widens. He changes too, his brown eyes yellow, the pupils narrow into sharp slits, his golden complexion transforms into iridescent scales. A giant rattlesnake stretches towards the crimson sky, I close my and the scene melts away. I close my eyes and change again.

When I open my eyes, I’m there. The eggplant colored sofa, floral wallpaper, the sun-faded, heavy drapes are open and sunlight warms the floor. There she is, laying belly first on the floor, head propped up in hands, the weight resting on small elbows. She’s watching cartoons, Yugioh on a Saturday morning, in a t-shirt and jeans that are too small, there’s noise all around but no one else in the room. My heart tightens and tears swell. I walk over and sit down beside her, criss cross applesauce. She notices me, looks at me with happy recognition, it’s not our first encounter. She rests her cheek on my knee and I begin to comb her hair with my fingers. We talk for some time, I ask her about the episode and what’s new in school, we talk about her dog and the puppies she had. We’re there for what seems like hours. I hear a bell chiming in the distance and know our time is coming to an end. I cradle her face in my hands and tell her that she’s loved, she’s special and she’s strong. I remind her that no matter what mom says, magic does exist and she’s powerful. The channel switches on the television, Cinderella plays and we smile. We watch the scene and sing along, “when you wish upon a star…”. The chiming grows louder and I say my goodbyes. I ask her to remember her magic, I say, “You’re no damsel, you’re a dragon slayer and potion mixer, and you’re only a child for a short while.” Her brown hair fans out, become the empty space and my words echo out. I’m awake.

I lay in bed for a short while afterwards. My kids are already awake and grabbing at me, “Get up, Ma”. I spring up, tickle their sides and kiss their cheeks. I toast waffles and mix creamer into coffee. While my boys play on the carpet, I drink my coffee slowly and hold onto the encounter in my mind. My inner child and inner mother smile at me from within, I’m an alchemist and my subconscious is my material. My boys won’t need to heal from me and that’s the purest magic I could wish for.