After-care

Charlie was tossing and turning something fierce in his deep sleep. He had gone to bed in a bad mood. He and Zoey were having petty arguments and then making it up poorly by having half-assed sex. Charlie felt so empty before and after these interactions between Zoey. They used to have hot, passionate intercourse in the beginning of their relationship, but lack of understanding the other’s love language and communication problems caused endless fights over small things that Charlie believed were dumb.

He was also drinking more habitually.

Pim was deeply concerned.

“Charlie, are you hungover again?” Pim asked with a soft voice, layered with frustration.

Charlie shrugged as they went to a job downtown.

“Oh, Charlie,” Pim said with a sad look. The look caused a strange hurdle of all sorts of emotions in Charlie’s heart.

“Zoey and I… I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing anymore. I can’t be a good boyfriend. We keep arguing and shit.”

Pim sighed. “Have you tried sitting down calmly to discuss these issues?”

“Yeah man. All the time. We keep trying but it’s not working,” Charlie muttered, rubbing his temples.

“Maybe…” Pim started to say then shook his head.

Charlie gave Pim a curious look, but started to feel nauseous and gagged, kneeling down.

Pim immediately went over to him. “Charlie, let’s take you home.”

”Nggh, no. I should go to the job with you.”

Pim leaned down, helping Charlie up, crossing their arms together. Charlie tripped over his unlaced shoe, falling toward the street.

“Oh!” Pim made a scared, squeaky noise, grabbing Charlie but falling in the process. Luckily it wasn’t on the road but on the sidewalk.

Pim somehow was straddling Charlie in a very awkward position. Charlie was dazed by the fall. Their eyes locked. Pim immediately turned red, looking away.

Charlie smiled, feeling hot, looking away.

“S-sorry dude, I don’t think I can walk too good today. I.. I’m just fucked up. Fucked and fucked up,” Charlie laughed mirthlessly, trying to stand up but failing as Pim tried to also get off his friend.

”Aww Chaw-lie, you’re too hard on yourself.”

Instead of Charlie’s initial move to steady himself on the fire hydrant, it was Pim’s hula hooping move that brought their close proximity even closer. Charlie’s hands laid firmly on Pim’s shoulder and hip.

”Ah, oop!” Pim groaned, making a strange noise that sounded between a moan and a gasp.

Pim leaned his face so close to Charlie’s they were practically kissing to the random onlooker’s eyes.

”Sorry!” Pim said loudly, getting up quickly to take his friend by the hand.

”Oh shit, Pim. Don’t bother to lift me.. I’m a big old elephant …” Charlie joked, moving his hand away as he tried to push himself up.

Pim’s eyes sparkled, or that’s how it looked to Charlie. Pim reached out to Charlie’s hand again, as if it were life and death, gripping him so tight it made Charlie’s breath hitch.

They were both standing, still holding hands. The gleaming sunlight of midday was burning through their faces.

Pim finally let go of Charlie’s hand.

They both took in a shaky breath.

Charlie gave him a shaky smile, as Pim returned it.

“Let’s go, man. We’re late,” Charlie said, trying to normalize the situation.

Pim nodded. “Let’s go.”

Those two moments were reeling in Charlie’s mind the entire day and night.

One, the grip on Pim’s hip and Pim’s vocal response. Two, Pim gripping his hand that second time when he didn’t need to.

It fucked with Charlie to no end.

As Charlie tossed and turned, he felt pangs of frustration and arousal, almost aware that he was dreaming.

The way his hand felt on Pim’s hip, damnit. It felt… right. It felt… too right.

Charlie couldn’t explain it properly even in his own mind.

The way Pim’s oversized, uneven eyes looked at him like there was something supernatural in their hand’s holding, so tight, like it was just something important or precious.

Precious. That was the word.

”Dudes can’t be precious. Pim’s a dude…” Charlie’s jokey voice echoed in the rem state of his lucid dream.

But he was. Oh fuck. Pim was precious.

And Charlie was subconsciously dreading the fact that Pim was in his dream, squirming deliciously underneath him.

Every single movement and touch, it felt like all their pleasure receptors and nerves were targeted at once in a million different ways.

Pim would cry out, moan, ache, whimper.

Charlie would kiss, massage, caress, hold.

The dream ended abruptly as they leaned into kiss for the first time. Charlie held onto his pillow like he was still holding his best friend. His shorts were soaked.

“What.. the… holy …. Oh shit,” Charlie muttered, realizing he had a wet dream about Pim. His best friend.

But something else happened. Charlie had a wet face too. He was.. crying.

Charlie felt like he was losing it. That dream though.. damn. It was intense.

Before his brain could process the information or the feelings, he reached for his phone. He called Pim.

“Ug..ugh, Charlie? You okay?”

Charlie hiccuped, tears leaking out with a stinging feeling in his tear ducts. He closed his eyes so tightly, that they were squeezed out dry. Or so Charlie thought.

Pim heard a struggling cry that was muffled from Charlie on the phone.

“Charlie? Are you there? Oh God. Do you need… should I just come by? Do you need a doctor?” Pim concerned ramble turned his stomach, making him feel the sob rattle inside and push out of his mouth and eyes.

“Pim?” He squeaked out.

It was all he could say. His strength was not in his chest, he felt like he was flailing around like a wild fish out of water.

“Charlie?”

“Pim… I…” he took in a deep breath. “Dude, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. I just… I’ll let you go back to sleep.”

“I wasn’t really asleep. So you’re okay…” Pim stated, sounding melancholy.

“It’s… what time is it?” Charlie asked in a haze of dreaming and a half-awake stupor.

“Eleven-thirty,” Pim answered. “Did.. did you have a nightmare?”

Charlie scoffed, laughing nervously. “Ah, no. No. Wasn’t no nightmare.”

“Do you need me?” Pim blurted out.

Charlie felt the wording was weird, but it wasn’t that it disingenuous. It was how utterly honest and thoughtful it sounded coming from Pim that made Charlie recoil, cry a few more bitter tears and angrily clear his throat.

“Charlie?”

“Pim, I don’t want to be with Zoey anymore.”

Pim took in a short huffy breath. “Um? Well… if that’s what you want, Charlie, you need to do what’s best for you. I want… I want you to be happy.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But I feel so dead. Like, dude, it’s like I am just dead-zoning through my life. I am just dragging her through the mud. My mud. My fucked up bs.”

“I know you won’t believe me… but, Charlie, you make so many good things in your life. You make a lot of good. Good for others. You aren’t those things. You are not alone, either,” Pim rambled in a soft voice. His voice made Charlie feel toasty.

Cozy. Warm.

“You don’t have mud. You aren’t mud. You’re.. something else,” Pim pondered.

“What the fuck kinda man am I, Pim? I can’t… if I’m not the mud my uncle constantly called me growing up… what am I?”

“You… you’re… ah, jeez, you know what you are? You’re Charlie, Charlie. I know you’re hurting. I’m here. I’ll be here until you’re sick of me. You know? But.. honestly? To me, you’re Charlie. That’s important. It is. You are important,” Pim said in a passionate speech.

Charlie was speechless. “Pim?”

”Yes?”

”I think I need a shower.”

”Why is that? Did you spill some milk on your lap?”

Charlie laughed.

Pim made an offended noise, “What’s so funny?”

”You are too sweet for this world. That’s all Pim.”

”Umm, thank you for that. But, what’s funny? I often drink milk at my bedside before I sleep and..” Pim rambled making Charlie chuckle and grin.

”Listen, Charlie, I want you to take a nice warm bath, drink water, hug yourself and go back to sleep.”

”Sir, yes, sir!” Charlie said in a mock serious voice.

“You’re so impossible. You’re just… ugh, Charlie, you’re driving me mad.”

“Sorry, man. You made me feel better. Thanks,” Charlie said with a smile. “You’re the fucking master of making people smile. Genuinely. The ultimate master.”

Pim made a squeaking sound of approval. “Awe, wow, Charlie. That’s so darn sweet. You’re just.. aww, man!”

”You’re fucking precious,” Charlie blurted out, biting his lip.

There was a tension filled silence between them. Charlie felt his life flash before his eyes. He couldn’t breathe. He was so dead.

“Um, what.. what do you say we go to sleep, huh? We can… I’ll see you tomorrow. Ok?” Pim said with this stressful tone.

”Oh God, God, no… I fucked up, didn’t I?” Charlie internal monologue made him feel like throwing up and crying at the same time.

”Ugh…” Charlie frowned. “No. Please, Pim.”

He didn’t realize his internal hidden feelings eeking out of his own voice like a betrayed lover, until he heard a strange sound of soft resignation from Pim.

“Pim? Can you… help me fall asleep?”

”Y-yeah..”

Suddenly, Charlie heard a song on the other line. It was, Bluebird, by Paul McCartney.

“This song helps me remember that I’m okay… when I feel sad…” Pim explained, humming along to the song.

“You’re a bluebird, yeah, yeah, yeah,” Pim sang in his soft, sweet Australian accent.

“Fuck that’s pretty..” Charlie said and they both laughed. It was a relieved moment and they both started singing together.

“I know, my voice is gorgeous,” Pim teased.

”Play that dumb song again,” Charlie requested.

”You’re not the boss of me,” Pim said in a faux outrage.

”Pretty, pretty, pretty please?” Charlie asked. The phone call had turned into something beyond a friend calling a friend in need. It was like the most important sort of after-care.

The kind of after-care he wished he could give others. To Zoey. To … to Pim.

“Yes, Charlie. One more time.”