Act VI, Scene IV: "Somethynge Three-Way This Way Comes"
From "Not Much Ado About Anythynge"
![](https://res.cloudinary.com/jerrick/image/upload/d_642250b563292b35f27461a7.png,f_jpg,fl_progressive,q_auto,w_1024/64f24a91fa1bbb001db59c9a.jpg)
Rosencrantz and his faire frynde, Guildernstern,
Did witness Ophelia's, by Hamlet, spurn;
For counsel she sought warm comfort the same
From Queen Gertrude, a melancholy dame
.
Ro' and Guil' soon grew bored of their mission
To spy on Hamlet, under suspicion;
And distracted from distracting Hamlet
Sought a threesome with a willing harlot.
.
King Claudius summoned them to his throne
And inquired as to Ham's madness shown
Said, they did, to their king, "We don't know shit;
As you like it--or not--t'is gist of it."
.
The king said, "Forsooth, I know what you seek--
A triply trysty threesome, so to speak,
I'm the go-to guy whose love life is bleak
I'm bored keeping my randy tongue-in-cheek."
.
"With which, of us, does your highness so choose,
To substitute in the threesome papoose?"
"Oh, fie!" he swore, "that is not what I want;
I order from you a new covenant."
.
Rosencrantz and his faire frynde, Guildernstern,
Wondered for what new deal the king now yearned.
"A foursome?" asked Rosencrantz merrily;
"Fivesome? More?" Guildernstern spake nastily.
.
"Whoa!" shouted Claudius, "be you jesters?
Methinks you extrapolate my gestures.
Three still's all I need juggle on Wednesday,
Woden ordained that--my day--to be gay."
.
"Be gay or not to be?" asked Gildernstern.
"If that's the question," Claudius returned,
"Woden's Day is the answer--to be or not--
'Less you desire your loo boiling hot.
.
Rosencrantz viewed Gildernstern severely
And didn't want to acquiesce queerly.
"My lord," said he, "I feel you wax gaily,
We shan't do it then or any daily."
.
"That be fine," King Claudius conceded.
And anon, decreed something else needed:
"Have your threeway but use my wife, Gerty,
"And I'll just watch and, whilst, do the dirty."
.
Gertrude, Ophelia's room uninvited,
Grasped, hand-in-hand, to get her excited
That is when Ophelia kissed Gertrude
Hard on the mouth, together, forthwith nude.
.
Thus thrice-love adulterate--shortsighted,
T'was vice, triumvirate, unrequited.
So Wednesday, for Claudius, was a bust;
His other throne, in Celsius, unflushed.
...
About the Creator
Gerard DiLeo
Retired, not tired. In Life Phase II: Living and writing from a decommissioned church in Hull, MA. (Phase I was New Orleans and everything that entails. Hippocampus, behave!
https://www.amazon.com/Gerard-DiLeo/e/B00JE6LL2W/
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Comments (2)
What in the name of orgy party did I just read? Lol! This was hilarious!
Oh Dirty Gerty! what a new (or is it?) and orgiastic side to our friends. That's hilarious.