Act of Defiance

“Stop C-Delta-5, you’re going too fast! I’m tired!” Whines M-Lambda-4, her eyelashes sticking together as tears pour from her ocean blue eyes like waves, crashing on the shore of her cheeks.

“Em, there’s no time to stop, we need to run. It’s not safe”. I beg, pulling M-Lambda-4’s arm as we run through the mossy forest, dodging trees as the woods grow thicker and more wild. Tripping on a rogue tree root, I smash to the floor, cutting my face on brambles as I scramble to my feet, reaching out to take M-Lambda-4’s hand again.

“Why are we running? Why is the necklace ruining everything? I don’t wanna run anymore” sniffled M-Lambda-4, stomping her foot on the dead leaves and throwing her hands behind her back defiantly.

Sighing in desperation rather than anger, I frantically cast my eyes across the forest surrounding us, looking for shelter from the brutal elements and impending capture. Gesturing to a nearby shrub, we dropped to our bellies, and crawl under the deep green towering leaves, hidden from view from the rest of the world. Slumped against the intertwining branches, with M-Lambda-4’s head resting on my lap, I stoke her temples in an attempt to sooth her, wishing there was someone to sooth me. Reaching into my satchel I grab the heart-shaped locket, squeezing it in my hand for reassurance, but to no avail.

This is too much for her, she’s only five and is now forced into life I’ve created for her, a life on the run with only me for company and protection. Should I have left her there? Would it have been better if I just disappeared and let her live in the world she had grown up in? I look down at my now silent sister, fast asleep as exhaustion took hold, runny nose dribbling down her chin. So innocent, so young.

How can I tell her? How can I tell her the world she lives in is a lie? That our so-called Utopia is a tyrannical regime for power and control. That the Imperium take everything, strip you of your name, your home, your family…

I open the locket to reveal the smiling faces of Mum and Dad. I remember how it was before the Imperium took over, when we led simple happy lives. I remember Mum, with porcelain skin and flaming auburn hair, dancing as she stirred the pot of stew in the kitchen, awaiting Dad’s return from the fields, arms heavy with goods for tomorrow’s dinner. Dad always ruffled my hair, and called me “Lindsey-Lou”. He spent his evenings carving little wooden goats and cows for me to play with. We were so happy, just normal people living our lives. Mum and Dad were overjoyed when Emily was born, named after our recently passed grandmother. They sang to her every day.

“Emily, blessed with eyes of the sea, a little beauty, like her sister Lindsey…”

But she wasn’t Emily for long. I was Lindsey for 14 years before the Imperium arrived, Emily just 2 months. Their fires scorched the earth, and tore through our hut. Guns rained a tsunami of metal over our lands, stealing the lives of the villagers as they blasted holes in them. I remember the light leaving Mum’s eyes, as she held Emily in her arms, feeding her from her breast. She just …. crumpled to the floor, with Emily bawling as she fell from her. I scooped Emily up, held her tightly to my chest and ran - ran to the fields, in search of Dad.

A fire greater than I had ever seen, like hell on earth, ravaged through the fields … I’m still haunted by the screams. I never found out what happened to Dad, never got closure, but in my heart I know he didn’t escape the blaze.

Hypnotized by the flames, and overwhelmed with the unfurling horror surrounding me, a firm hand clasps my shoulders, awakening me from my living nightmare. A soldier, green uniform, and gun in hand, marches me to the edge of what used to be our village. He gestures for me to climb into a huge cage, filled with children I had grown up with. In silence, we held each other, watching the fires die and ash float through the air. Embers flashed through the sky, lighting our frightened faces. It’s almost funny if it wasn’t so awful, but I can’t help but laugh at my naivety in that moment. I remember thinking that this was the end, for I could not envision any more horror occurring after those events. I thought I had lost everything. I could not to see that this was only the beginning.

I screamed when they cut all my hair off, not knowing to save them for when it was truly necessary. The blunt blade caught my scalp with every shear, mingling my blood with those who had gone before me, but what came next was far worse.

The searing iron pressed against my thigh filling my nose with the rancid smell of burning flesh. I cannot put into words the agony as my skin blistered around the letters “C-Delta-5” – my new identity. I struggled, but four men held me down. In that moment “Lindsey” died a little. I thought she was gone completely, and for years I believed it. I watched as the Imperium killed those around them and stole children from their homes, renaming them, making us all the same, all soldiers in their never-ending war.

We were told how lucky we were, how grateful we should be to the Imperium, for saving us, feeding us, clothing us, and giving us purpose. I’m ashamed to say I believed it but lived in constant fear. As an older child, I had to undergo waterboarding before being accepted into their ranks. I was young enough for them to mould, but old enough to question them. Countless others and I were tortured until we pledged ourselves to the Imperium, or face execution as traitors.

I gave in quickly, already broken from the death of my parents, and now separated from Emily. Defeated, I just wanted everything to stop. I was given a green uniform and made to burn all my belongings including my old clothes. I followed their commands, but a part of me could not fully commit. I took the locket from around my neck, one with a picture of Mum and Dad in, and stuffed it into my uniform. I knew I had to keep it, not just for me, but for Emily - she wouldn’t remember their faces. I couldn’t bear the idea of burning the locket, it would be like losing them all over again. Locket concealed; I followed the rest of their commands to the letter to avoid suspicion – I knew any act of defiance was a death sentence.

All “rescued” children were enrolled at the Imperium Training Academy, for combat training, manual labour, and “History” lessons. It’s strange how accepting you can be of a false truth in times of great fear. I knew the Imperium had only existed recently, and yet here was a full history of all their great deeds, how they spend hundreds of years bringing peace to the world, uniting all the village tribes, and protecting us all from rogue terrorists. The older children like me were too scared to question anything, and after a few years the babies in the Imperium grew up, never knowing any different. The Imperium word was law and truth.

I searched for Emily, always keeping an eye on her when I could, but not daring to defy the Imperium. I’d look for her at mealtimes and was glad to see she had made friends. The younger children seemed to flourish whilst those in my unit, older and haunted by memories, kept to themselves.

When I turned 18, I was assigned to teach at the Academy, and was given Emily’s class to train. This gave me my first opportunity to talk to her, after having missed the first four years of her life. I had to be careful, as she didn’t know who I was, other than her teacher. I watched what I said, calling her “M-Lambda-4” initially, before shortening it to “M”. Calling her “M” made me feel like we were a family again, that she was my “Em” for Emily, instead of the string of symbols we were assigned. I kept Em after class, asked about her interests, and shared mine. The last year I have never known happiness like it, reunited with my sister helped me, healed me, and made me see that there is more to life than this living hell.

But then I made my biggest mistake. She wasn’t ready, I think I just hoped she was. She’d grown up with only the Imperium as her “Mother”, “protector”, and “utopia”, trained to follow orders and never knowing the love of her real family. I shouldn’t have done it, I see that now, but after having kept it hidden for five years, I felt the heavy burden of my secret. Emily had a right to know who she was, and where she came from.

After class, I kept her behind to have a chat. I unlocked my desk to show her my locket.

“What’s that C-Delta-5?” She inquired.

“Something very special to me. It’s a necklace. A special necklace which holds memories”. Em gasped, as she looked at the gold heart in awe. But then a troubled look came over her face, and her bottom lip started to quiver.

“C-Delta-5 … I don’t think those are allowed”.

I avoided her statement and continued.

“Em, I’ve kept this locket for five years, but it belongs to you. I need to show you the memories inside”.

“No C-Delta-5, you shouldn’t have it. It’s against the Imperium Code of Conduct. We could get into trouble!”

“Listen Em, I need you to trust me, okay? Do you trust me?”

She wavered, unsure of what to say.

“The Imperium Code of Conduct instructs us to follow the commands of those with a higher rank, which is you, but it also says that personal belongings should be burned if not Imperium Standard Issued Items. I don’t want to get in trouble C-Delta-5”.

“I won’t let you get into trouble Em, I’m here to keep you safe. I need to tell you so much Em, starting with ….”

“Sorry I forgot my - Is that contraband?” Came the little voice of G-Beta-2, once of Em’s classmates, eyes widening as she entered the room.

Em and I froze, both speechless and not knowing what to do next. But I should have spoken, because Emily panicked, knowing the heavy sentence for possession of such an item.

“G-Beta-2, help me, C-Delta-5 is trying to give me contraband. I think she’s one of the rogues! Get help”.

G-Beta-2 looked at us in disbelief, rooted to the spot with shock. Knowing we didn’t have long, I grabbed Em’s arm and my satchel, stuffing the locket out of sight as we rushed through the elongated corridors of the Academy, racing to the black iron forged gates, before escaping into the forest.

And here we are, on the run, hiding from the imminent threat of the Imperium. Do I tell Em everything and try to protect her for the rest of my life? Or will the Imperium find us? Can I really force Em to live on the run, in constant fear?

With this thought fresh in my mind, I place the locket round my neck, and kiss Emily on the forehead.

“I will protect you, Em. The only way I can”.

As footsteps approach, I stand, revealing my location to the oncoming soldiers.

“I have a hostage. I have a hostage!” I scream at the top of my lungs, over and over, until my voice is drowned out by gunfire. Falling to the floor, I utter my dying words.

“I love you Em.”