A Witness Takes the Stand

"It was big in the '90s, the idea of stockpiling art for when ya needed to negotiate a heavyweight out of federal.

Ya gotta have some brains on an art heist, though, and they sent in two goons who couldn't tell a bus stop marquee from art.

They sent them in with a list, ya know, like ya wife's grocery list.

They get in, tie the guards up no problem, but it takes them half an hour to find the friggin' room - The Dutch Room. They pull the frames off the walls and start cuttin' out the paintings - easier to roll them up - well, they crumbled in their hands. This shit's old. You ever seen National Treasure? When they're usin' lemon juice and a hairdryer on the friggin' Declaration of Independence? It would've evaporated. And most of these paintings were older than that, so.

Somethin' took over, panic, I guess. They kept cutting, trying to roll them, and it all turned to dust. They thought it was somethin' in the room, so they tried The Blue Room, Short Gallery - but it was all the same."

"And the beaker and the eagle?"

"Well, they couldn't leave empty-handed."