A Winter's Tale

“Do you like my new motor”? Dave asked Jack.

“Must have cost you a few bob”, said Jack.

“And then a few more”, said Dave. “Want to come for a run out in it with me?”

“Sure”, said Jack. So that is what they did.

Dave’s new motor was an SUV pick-up that looked to be top of the range and brand new, although he explained to Jack that he had bought it secondhand from someone who had had a business loss and needed to realise his assets.

“So you collected it today, did you?” Jack asked as they set off down the main road leading out of town. “Everything sorted? Tax, insurance, that sort of thing?”

“I’m working on it”, said Dave. “It’ll all be settled tomorrow.”

“So you’re not actually insured yet?” Jack asked, slightly concerned.

“Don’t worry,”, said Dave. “It’ll be fine”.

“Where are we going?” asked Jack.

“I thought we’d go fishing at Jackson Pond”, said Dave. “I’ve got all my gear in the back”.

“Jackson Pond?” asked Jack. “You do know that it’s private property and no fishing’s allowed there?”

“I’ve been there dozens of times”, Dave said. “It’ll be fine, you’ll see – just fine”.

“And I take you know that there’s a 40 mph speed limit down here?” said Jack. “You’re doing a good 60 at the moment”.

“I’ve got to give the truck a good workout”, said Dave. “There are no speed cameras on this stretch, and I’ve never been caught before. It’ll be fine – absolutely fine”.

As they whizzed down the road Jack heard a sudden clonk. He glanced in the wing mirror to see that the petrol cap had fallen off and was bouncing along the road. He told Dave what he had seen.

“We’ll pick it up at the way back”, said Dave. “I did wonder if I’d put it back properly when I filled her up earlier. There are one or two things I need to get used to with a new truck, and that’s one of them. Don’t worry. It’ll be absolutely fine.”

“I’ve just thought of something”, said Jack. “You do realise that it’s the dead of winter, the temperature’s way below freezing and the lake will be frozen solid? So how are we going to fish in it?”

“I’ve thought of that”, said Dave. “We’ll make a hole in it. You’ll see - everything will be absolutely fine.”

When they reached Jackson Pond, having passed several signs that read “No Entry” and “No Fishing”, they stopped the truck on the slope leading down to the lake, which was indeed completely frozen over.

“This ice looks pretty thick”, Jack said as they got out of the truck. “How are you going to make a hole in that?”

“With this”, said Dave, pulling a large axe out of the back of the truck, along with all his fishing gear. “It’ll be fine – absolutely fine.”

They made their way across the ice, and were about to start cracking a hole in it, when Jack spotted something that he felt constrained to draw to Dave’s attention.

“You know you said that you needed to get used to one or two things on your new truck?” he said.

“That’s true”, said Dave.

“Does that include the handbrake?” Jack asked.

“Why do you say that?” Dave replied, at which Jack tugged on his sleeve and pointed him towards where the truck was gently making its way onto the lake and spinning round as it did so.

“Don’t worry”, said Dave. “As you said, this ice is pretty thick and we’ll be able to drive off it with no trouble at all. Everything will be fine – absolutely massively fine.”

And with that Dave swung his axe at the ice and made a substantial crack in the surface. He followed this with another huge blow.

“This’ll be great”, said Dave. “A few more hits like this and we’ll have a hole we can fish through. It’ll be absolutely, massively, hugely fine.”

Jack then felt the need to tug on Dave’s sleeve a second time. What he had seen, but Dave had not, was that the first crack Dave had made in the ice was growing. It was not only growing wider, but snaking off in the direction of where the truck was marooned on the lake. They watched in horror as the crack reached the truck, which then toppled over sideways and plunged to the bottom through the chasm that the crack had now become.

Not even Dave could claim that this new situation was even remotely fine.

And so it proved. The truck proceeded to leak fuel into Jackson Pond and kill every single fish in it. It was not difficult to identify the culprit, and also to discover that the truck in question was neither taxed nor insured.

The private prosecution that came Dave’s way was to cost him considerably more than he had paid for the truck, and he was also wrong about not being caught by a speed camera. Indeed, once the case came to court and all the charges were totted up, he found himself required to pay what – in words he would have found familiar – could best be described as an absolutely massively huge fine.