A Short Collection of My Funniest Drabbles

Around mid May I was randomly introduced on Medium to this new concept and challenge called “Drabble”. Drabbles are fiction stories that are exactly 100 word; no more, no less. And these Drabble challenges are accompanied by a daily word that must be used somehow. I thought, “Perfect! I love creating randomness in small doses.”

And I really have been loving it.

Since mid May I have written a Drabble almost daily. In June, the daily words have also had a twist added to them. Sometimes it’s a starting sentence, or a genre, or something extra random.

These Drabbles have really inspired and sparked my creativity. Often I just binge write right when I wake up and post. Other times I have to really choose my words wisely and rewrite to match the word count.

The community has been real great on Medium too. I really wish Vocal would add tagging options so we can tag other creators and build more community. It’s been really nice building that on Medium.

Anyhow, I thought I’d take a moment to share with you a few of my funnier Drabbles as they’re quite ridiculous.

Random + Humor + Oneg = Quality nonesense

Gran’s Online Adventure - password

“I got locked out again Malcolm!” Gran yelled across the apartment.

“Good morning to you too Gran. Now what did you get locked out of?”

“My FaceNovella account! My cows are going to collapse in that game you installed.”

“It’s Facebook Gran, but okay we’ll just reset the password again,” Max rolled his eyes, going around to see the chaos on the screen. “Gran, why are there so many ads of half-naked cowgirls on your screen?”

“I tried to get new girl cows for my farm from this ad and now they won’t stop moaning! And my password won’t work!”

A Traitor in the House - married

If that damn bird would just shut up then maybe my ass wouldn’t be busted daily.

Every morning my wife reminds me to take my nasty medicine before leaving for work.

That stuff is vile. Tastes like poison coated in sulphur. It’s not like I really need it, it just aids my digestion.

“Don’t forget! Don’t forget!” This dumb parrot echoes.

I don’t forget, I just plain refuse!

But when my dear wife comes home, asking if I took it, immediately, “She forgot! She forgot! Dumb! Dumb!”

I swear one day I’ll pluck that bird and roast him for dinner.

It’s All About Give and Take - cells

I’d bartered, borrowed, and stole all week. I won’t lie that the bartering cost my dignity, but it was too late for regrets.

Lights were out, the guard was snoring. It was almost time.

I took out the cells and dailed the numbers, minus the last digit. The pocket radio was playing ads. The second they ended, I pressed the last number and waited. I was risking everything. Even my early release, but I had-

“Caller number 9 you just won yourself Taylor Swift tickets!” I won!

“He’s a Swifty guys!” The ward roared with laughter.

I was fucked.

Again.

Daddy’s On Duty - classic

The sound of the music box attempts to soothe me in this tedious process. Ozzy on the other hand, is losing his shit. Literally.

It’s slipping out the sides of the diaper I just wrapped around him.

Why is it purple!?

Stinkin’ bloobs.

I don’t care if they’re easy to eat and high in fiber- make it stop!

I’m starting to lose my cool as the squirming and squishing intensifies.

Where are the wipes?? Why are there not enough wipes?

This is just such a classic move of mine, to dive in unprepared! Why didn’t I just get a dog?

When You’ve Got it All Figured Out - established

By the time we reached the last main intersection and were turning into our neighbourhood, we had established a plan of action.

“I’m on kitchen- cooking, and however many dishes I can do while shit simmers.”

“I’ll tidy and vacuum the common rooms, clean up after dinner, and wipe the counters”

“Great, while you clear up, I’ll get laundry started and take out trash”

“Perfect, that way we can just fold and put away clothes while we watch Kardashians.”

Riles parked in our driveway, high-fived me, and we both exited the car, heading into the house determined.

“Wait, our kid!”

I Think I Need a Doctor - yellow

The doctor thought it would be wise to do a urine test after I told him about my diet.

“Here’s the cup, write your name on it first and then try your best to fill it.” The nurse handed me the cup gestured toward the bathrooms.

This part was always awkward. Somehow you always ended up with pee on your hand and feeling inadequate. If it was too yellow, they’d judge your water intake. And if you took too long? Then they’d know you fudged it.

Well my performance definitely made heads turn.

“It’s not supposed to be blue… right?”

I hope you enjoyed these Drabbles and hopefully you got a laugh out of them. Did you have a favorite?

Feel free to read more of them on my Medium profile as well :)