A Ring Remembers

It’s cold down here.

The water is murky, polluted. Beer cans are scattered haphazardly, as well as unidentifiable bits of plastic half buried beneath the silt. A snail feeds next to me, scraping neon-green algae from the rounded cobble.

This is no place for a 1.5 carat diamond.

A white-bellied fish slowly glides by, its eyes vacant and unfeeling. The sand around me darkens as a thick stalk of hydrilla shifts to block the sun. If a ring could shiver, I would.

How did I end up here? I think of my last moments on land. The warmth from your hand dissipating as you pried me off your finger. The vibrations I felt as you held me on your trembling palm. The shock of sailing through the brisk air, before plunging into the apathetic lake.

The abandonment.

More than five years have passed since I’ve lived on your fourth finger. You used to love me, confide in me. I witnessed your most meaningful moments: receiving your diploma, the birth of your Daughter, the passing of your Mom. And of course, your marriage. I played a rather big part in that one. I remember the day he found me as if it were yesterday…

“She’s an ethically created lab-grown diamond,” the jeweler explained.

His green eyes widened with hope as he moved in closer.

“Ethical, huh? That’s something she would like, I think.”

To be fair, he knew absolutely nothing about diamonds. So I suppose we both lucked out when you saw me and fell in love.

You were so different, back then. Younger, yes, but brighter also. The smallest things lit you up with joy; your spirit was so powerful. And the love you felt for each other! The two of you could have been stars of one of those silly rom-coms you always made him watch. He loved making you happy- flowers every Thursday, date nights at your favorite French bistro, almond oil massages. Not to say he did all the work! Remember the first time you cooked for him and he genuinely enjoyed it? His eyes filled up with tears from not having to fake enjoying another meal.

Those were the days.

I can’t quite ascertain when things started to change, but they did. At first, passive aggressive reminders about who unloaded the dishwasher last. It didn’t seem like much- just typical behavior for two people who have decided to combine their lives- but slowly the compliments changed from genuine to backhanded, and silent treatments became more and more normal. You started smoking again in secret. He began to drink more. That’s when things took a turn for the worse. Bickering turned to brawls, quarrels manifested into fights.

And then your Mom died.

Suddenly the love was back, you were desperate. Funny how death was responsible for the two of you falling asleep in each other’s arms again, tears streaming down your cheeks, clinging to connection. Funny, and sad.

Discovering you were pregnant was a blessing for your marriage. Parenthood, a curse. Pregnancy brought you closer; filled your cups with hope and dreams and books on raising babies. Parenthood drove you apart, bringing feelings of guilt, exhaustion, and postpartum depression. Not to say you didn’t love your daughter. In fact, the more your love for her grew, the more light was shed on the lack of affection you felt for each other. The photos with Santa bearing empty eyes paired with forced smiles. The shouting that escalated as soon as the car door slammed after dropping her off at preschool.

Adultery.

He might have been the one who got caught, but you can’t exactly call yourself innocent, either. You can deny you flirted with your therapist, but we both know the truth. The sessions you burst into tears from feeling alone, your fingers would twitch, but never enough to move his hand from your thigh. At first I was shocked, then outraged. What about your vows? Your promise to be there for better AND for worse? Do I mean nothing?

Apparently so, because he left. But so had you, in your own way. Maybe that’s why it took you so long to finally hurl me into the lake. Once I was a symbol for your love, something that made you glow with pride and happiness… now I am nothing more than a pebble, deserted in this watery universe, never to be gazed upon again.

This should not be my fate. And yet, here I am.

Forgive me for being selfish. I know this isn’t what you wanted, either. I know how much you cared. I saw how much he tried. I am heartbroken for your daughter.

The weeds gently sway, and the sun pierces through the surface, illuminating my new home. The same (or maybe different) white-bellied fish floats past. It could be my imagination, but this time he seems present, and appears to see me, his circular eyes curious and cognizant. I try to sparkle a bit brighter, letting him know I appreciate his attention. His fins swish back and forth in what I hope to be delight. The rock next to me wiggles; startled, I realize it’s actually a turtle, his bald head poking up shyly as he stretches his webbed feet towards me. Maybe I won’t be as lonely as I thought.

I hope you won’t be, either.