A Promise Fulfilled

Just when Saint Pete thought it was going to be a boring day…

“Well, that was quick! I thought I had another week, maybe two, before you’d return. Let’s see where you’re scheduled to go next…”

“Dude. Seriously. This is not what I meant when I said I’d return if I could!”

“Ah, Harry, Harry, Harry! You should have known better than to make oaths like that. For a man that used his mind to solve tricks and chicanery, you never delved into deep philosophy, and the roots of faith. An oversight I’d assumed you rectified with your subsequent lives.”

“Butterflies can’t give passcodes! Neither can an East African Oryx in its native habitat!”

“Be lucky you were in a native habitat, and not in a zoo! I had to pull strings to get you there, be a little more grateful.”

“Hard to be grateful through thousands of reincarnations of ants, mosquitoes, and cockroaches. Bees! Grubs that got eaten, never to metamorphose! I don’t even know what I was supposed to be in a final form, I never got there!”

“Now you have me curious, let me check… Ah, mostly June beetles, and cicadas. And lots of fireflies. Pretty.”

“And not once have I become human again!”

“Look, you had ten years. Firstly, I made sure that you were a larger mammal every time Halloween came around, within a radius of your wife, so you could get to her. Feral dogs, mostly, to travel discreetly. You were too busy bemoaning your fate. Secondly, there are approximately 1.4 billion insects for every human. The odds of returning as a human are slim. The process is mostly random, with some divine intervention thrown in. Be thankful I took that interest, I ensure you and Bess get to see each other as you flick through incarnations. Speaking of-”

Another shadow appeared beside him, and Pete looked away as they embraced and whispered endearments to each other. Another flick, and she was gone, and Harry glared at his tormentor again.

“Dude, please. I’m no more your tormentor than a queen bee torments her hive sisters. But let’s just say that your odd blend of both toxic and fragile masculinity has rather limited your choices in recyclability. Bee grateful for my influence.”

“You’re actually Dude-ing me? And a pun?”

“You started it. Stop changing the subject. Smoke and mirrors is good for trickster stage magicians, not so good for punching tickets to Heaven. We’re kind of famous for a lack of that sort of crap up here.”

Harry sighed.

“Now, you know that fast-tracks into Heaven involve other methods. Being heroic, saving lives, monastic asceticism, compassionate moral living, denial of the flesh. A bodhisattva you ain’t. And we have enough of those idiotic incels scurrying around as it is. Believe me, you thought it was awful being a male insect, I’m telling you a mayfly will have a better time than those brats when they come up here for reassignment.”

“I just… I thought it would be different.”

“Everyone does. You’re not alone, son.”

Harry sighed, again. “Okay. You want me to learn something. Something important?”

Pete nodded, smiled encouragingly.

“Surrender of will, right?”

“Closer, much closer. Now you’re thinking again.”

“Let me guess… Something I will learn if I return as female?”

“Getting warmer! Which is not something we say up here a lot, it gives the wrong impression.”

“All right, all right. I’m supposed to return as a female, and I’ve been fighting it. Okay, Pete, do your worst.”

Pete snorted. “Quite the contrary, my boy, we don’t do that here either. Europe, I think, and loving parents that you will baffle. Enjoy fulfilling your promise.”

flick

“Oh, sweetheart, I believe she has your eyes!”

“But your stubborn chin. What do they say, we will have a corker on our hands?”

“No doubt. Strong women are what this world needs right now.” Dad took the little mite, newly born, from Mom, and cuddled her over to her cradle. Set her in gently, as only a terrified father can. Swaddled her like the nurse had shown. “Rest well, little Rosabelle, welcome to the world.”

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Author’s note: if you’re wondering what the everloving heck, check out the fifth and sixth paragraphs of the Wikipedia page on Bess Houdini: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bess_Houdini