A pared pair of pears

“We have been crawling across this backyard for two nights now snail where are we going?”

“To the fruit trees slug.”

“I’m tired.”

“You’re tired? I’m the one carrying our supplies.”

“What do you mean ‘our’ supplies?”

“Did you want to make this journey all by yourself? Without a guide?”

“No?”

“Then I would not have come without supplies. No supplies, no me, got it? You want me along, so it’s ‘our’ supplies.”

“Is it much further snail?”

“Just over this little hump and, there you are. See slug I told you so.”

“Pear trees?”

“Uh-huh, They’re called pair trees cause there’s two of them.”

“No, it’s not? It’s because pears grow on them.”

“Pairs of what?”

“Fruit.”

“The fruit grows in pairs? That’s probably why too?”

“No, they grow by themselves.”

“Do you know what you’re talking about slug? What makes you even think that they came from this tree if they grew by themselves? They didn’t fall out of the tree, they just grew there on the ground?”

“The fruit grows on the tree by themselves, not pairs. I meant.”

“So what ‘is’ the fruit called then?”

“A pear.”

“You just said that it wasn’t a pair?”

“When?”

“Just then.”

“I meant, It’s s not a pair, it’s a pear.”

“You’re nuts...‘it’s not a pair, it’s a pair.’ What the hell are you talking about?”

“A pear! A pear!”

“Now what are you doing?”

“Trying to make you understand.”

“By trying to make something appear? Appear! Appear! Pft.”

“I wasn’t trying to make something a pair? I was trying to tell you that I was referring ‘to a pear.’”

“Make two what appear?”

“Two nothings a pair? What are you talking about?”

“Don’t talk to me like that or I’ll make you dis-appear like your shell did slug. Damned snail wanna be.”

“What are you two arguing over?”

“Tell this idiot slug, what kind of tree that is. Will you please fly?”

“Yes, I have seen it’s fruit in the kitchen as it comes out of a can skinned and in segments. That’s why it is called a Pare tree.”

“See slug? A Pair tree.”

“That’s what I said snail, a Pear tree.”

“So we can all agree, it is referred to as a Pare tree. Okay, we are on the same page. I must go now remember it’s a...Pare treeee.”

“See slug, I told you so. Why don’t you ever listen?”

“Okay, okay. We agree it’s called a Pear tree.”

“Yes... because there’s two of them.”

“Wait a minute snail”

“What?”

“Isn’t that a hedgehog under that pear tree?”

“Don’t worry slug I have a plan.”

“Great. What is it?”

“You run past him as quick as you can and act as a decoy so I can get past.”

“What?”

“You can be the decoy...”

“I heard you. I just didn’t understand you?”

“Shall I spell it out with my silvery thread?”

“Is that what you call it? Besides we haven’t got another two nights for you to spell anything out. What do you mean I can be the decoy?”

“I of course would do it slug, but you don’t know, is that I have a bad back.”

“Yes. Of course you do...Because you have a bloody caravan on it!”

“Well, I need my homely comforts when I go out into the world and have to rough it as you peasants do.”

“Bringing everything, as well as your kitchen sink isn’t roughing it? Any dark moist gap will do me for the night.”

“See what I mean? Savages. Why bother going camping if you’re going to spend most of your time looking for somewhere to sleep, when you’re not looking for something to eat.”

“That’s where you’re not thinking clearly snail. I sleep where I eat.”

“And do a few other unspeakable things where you eat as well.”

“At least we don’t look like one nut trying to give another nut a push start when we’re mating.”

“No, you just look naked and disgusting.”

“Well pull your eyes back in. You don’t have to keep looking.”

“Once you see it, it’s hard to look away. Besides, it looks like the hedgehog has had his fill of fruit and rolled himself into a ball and gone to sleep.”

“Yes from here he looks like a giant snail like that. Not related are you?”

“Twit.”

“So what are we going to do now snail? We don’t want to wake him, do we? Because you sound like a steam engine when you eat.”

“You can talk vacuum cleaner?”

“Okay, at least we can go to the other tree.”

“Good idea slug. It’s a good thing that it’s a pair tree isn’t it?”

“?”

Next story.

Hansel and Gretel find an old cabin.

Previous story.

The smell of Winter.