A New Game of Chance

There it was, unexpectedly; big, vivid, red letters standing in stark contrast to the non-descript nut brown paper they were emblazoned across. SUSPISHUS. Alex and Jordan stopped mid-step; their conversation cut off midsentence. Alex’s grip on their bag of groceries tightening involuntarily. Neither of them could believe what they were seeing. Neither of them wanted to see it. Sitting unavoidably and confrontationally in front of their door was a Suspishus package. They were on a timer now and they both knew it. Six hours and counting.

“What do we do?”

“Jordan, we don’t have a choice,” Alex whispered, “we have to open it.”

“I can’t believe this is happening to us.”

“We kind of asked for it though.”

“Who gets these? No one we know has ever gotten one. I thought this was all just staged for the ratings.”

“We have to open it, Jordan.”

“Do we though,” Jordan stated flatly.

“Yes, we do.”

“Let’s put the groceries away first,” Jordan spoke absently but moved to unlock the door.

Alex followed, carefully sidestepping the box. They carried their groceries to the kitchen then stood facing each other, each hoping the other would say something, take charge, but neither of them knew what to do. Silently, they both relented, they knew exactly what they had to do. Jordan, again, was the first to move and Alex, again, followed. Jordan opened the door and carefully removed from the package the envelope embossed with their names.

It was a small, white envelope made of a textured paper that felt like velvet in Jordan’s fingers. Their names, in an elegant and exaggerated script, were pressed into the paper with a fiery red foil that blazed in the midday sun. Jordan turned, shut the door, and carried the envelope into the living room. Alex followed hesitatingly.

“Open it,” Alex directed.

Jordan turned the envelope over, and then over again, the paper a soothing balm against the fear of its contents. Jordan traced their finger over the script their names were written in.

“When we signed up, we put my name first, even though it was your idea, but they’ve put you on the envelope first. You open it,” Jordan extended the envelope toward Alex.

“Just open it,” Alex responded sitting further back against the couch as if repelled by the offer.

“It’s made out to Alex and Jordan not Jordan and Alex and it was your idea to sign up for this game. So, no, you open it. Besides, opening the envelope is not like opening the box.”

“If I open the envelope, then you have to open the box,” Alex pleaded.

“Oh, no, we aren’t making that deal. Not until we know what is in that envelope are we going to address the issue of who is opening that box. But, again, I say, this was your idea.”

“Stop saying that! I don’t remember you arguing against it.”

“We were drunk! You had been talking about joining Suspishus for days, saying how fun it would be, you wanted to join like all of your friends, you said, ‘we’ll never get a box,’ do you remember that?”

“Ok! Hand me the envelope, I’ll open it!”

Jordan tossed the envelope into Alex’s lap. Alex picked it up and, like Jordan, turned it over and felt the exquisite quality of the paper; the gentle dimpling where the foil had been pressed into the envelope. Alex wondered at the expense and effort put into these boxes.

“I can’t believe we got one. I’m sorry,” Alex said without looking up.

“There’s no need for sorry, yet; it could turn out to be a good thing. Chances are it’s harmless.”

“That’s true,” Alex acknowledged, “I guess most of them have been stupid gags.”

“Except that one guy that got that gold nugget. That was a big deal.”

“Yeah, and that couple that got all those gift cards.”

“I mean, I know they imply the threat, but let’s be honest, do we really think Suspishus is going to kill someone live on social media?”

“It’s probably a box of rocks,” Alex added.

“Well, it could be hornets like that lady in Albuquerque got,” Jordan added dejectedly.

“You’re not helping, Jordan. I can’t believe we got a Suspishus box; this is crazy! Maybe we should call Anna and Mary?”

“If you want to call and tell them, go ahead, but they can’t come over. Opening the box with anyone but the addressees is against the rules. You know that. Just open the envelope first.”

Alex stared at the envelope through several more heartbeats then began edging their thumbnail under the lip of the seal. Inside there was a thick paper card embossed with the Suspishus logo in the same red foil as their names. Opening the card, Alex read aloud:

Greetings!

You have been chosen to receive a Suspishus Box! Congratulations! Maybe Condolences, it’s hard to say.

We have included this card to remind you of the rules regarding your Suspishus Box – Remember failure to adhere to the rules results in a legally binding penalty of $500,000 per addressee, so, be sure to follow the rules, which are simple.

1. Only the addressees can be present when the box is opened.

2. All addressees must be present when the box is opened.

3. No addressee may be off camera for any reason during the duration of the opening.

4. The box cannot be opened outdoors.

5. Do NOT shake the box on or off camera.

6. The box must be opened within six hours of receiving it.

7. You must livestream opening the box on at least two social media platforms.

8. Before opening the box, but after you are livestreaming, you must post #SuspishusBox and #HereGoesNothing and wait at least fifteen minutes before opening.

9. Once you remove the brown protective wrapping you must flash the company sponsor logo on the inside of the paper.

10. The livestreaming cameras must remain stable and active during the whole opening regardless of what happens and must continue recording for no less than five minutes after the box is opened.

11. The twenty minutes allotted in rules 8 & 10 count against your six hours so plan accordingly.

Failure to adhere to these rules will result in a default of the contractual arrangement you have agreed to. If you have any questions regarding your contractual obligations, please visit the FAQ page on our official website www.suspishusbox.com/FAQ and reference our legal glossary for any help interpreting the contract www.suspishusbox.com/legal. If you find you have questions or concerns that cannot be answered by the FAQ or the glossary you may try emailing us at [email protected] but we cannot guarantee a response within the time limit.

We hope you enjoy your Suspishus Box experience!

Suspiciously,

The Suspishus Box Team #Always

“Wait,” exclaimed Jordan, “how do they know when to start the time? Does it start when we receive it, like, when it was dropped off, or does it start when we received it, like, when we got home?”

“I don’t know,” Alex said anxiously, “grab your computer and look up the FAQ page. See if it says.”

“It doesn’t matter, Alex, we have to open it regardless. Let’s just do it.”

“Jordan, we were out running errands all morning. We could be at the time limit already. I’ll start setting up the phones for livestreaming, but you look up and see when the time starts and if we can maybe get an extension just in case.”

“Ok, fine, but hurry,” Jordan said handing their phone to Alex and dashing to their bedroom for their laptop.

Alex was busy arranging the phones and rearranging the furniture when Jordan returned. Sitting down on the couch with the laptop already open Jordan was furiously typing in the Suspishus Box web address. Alex heard the now too familiar Suspishus ad pop up when the website loaded. Alex knew what Jordan was looking at by heart. A blonde woman in a loose, red blouse and tight, red leather pants, and those pouty red lips Alex always stared at whenever the ad came on. Sus? she would ask wide-eyed. Pish! she would say with a dismissive wave of her hand. Us?! she would then say with feigned exasperation. Then the laugh. That seductive, titillating laugh, her pouty moue, and a wink before adding devilishly, always, forming her hands into a hashtag.

“It says the time starts when any one of the addressees first encounters the box,” Jordan interjected into Alex’s reverie.

“Good,” Alex exhaled a sigh of relief, “we have plenty of time.”

“Let’s bring the box in.”

“Are we ready?”

“If you have the cameras set up, then, yes, we are ready.”

Alex went to the door and stood looking down at the box. Alex could hear the blonde woman’s laugh ringing in their ears as they looked down at the label – SUSPISHUS. Alex grabbed the box, careful not to jostle it, and returned to the living room. Jordan took the box and set it down cautiously on the coffee table now positioned squarely in the middle of the room.

“Start the cameras and post the hashtags,” Jordan instructed, “I’ll start a timer on my watch.”

When the cameras were rolling Jordan and Alex watched with an increasing dismay and a sickening feeling as the number of people tuning in to watch climbed steadily and quickly from zero to over a thousand in just the first few minutes. As the viewer count continued to rise the laughing emojis and hearts began popping up on the screens. Interspersed among them were angry face emojis as people impatiently waited to see if a potential horror awaited. Alex recalled how people had responded to some of the positive outcomes with anger, sadness, or indifference. Alex also knew that when the woman in Albuquerque had been swarmed by hornets in her own living room, repeatedly stung while screaming, the livestream had filled up overwhelmingly with gleeful, laughing emojis. Alex’s palms began to sweat.

Jordan, at first, cursed the viewers despite having tuned in to numerous Suspishus Box reveals. Knowing there was nothing to be done but hope for the best Jordan closed their eyes and focused on their breathing. Soon their thoughts were drowned out by the constant pinging of people joining the livestream and the popcorn pop! of reactions being recorded. Jordan looked at their watch, “Two minutes.”

Alex wiped their hands on their jeans and stared disbelieving as the viewer count ascended beyond ten thousand. “I’ve never had more than fifty likes on a Facebook post and now more than ten thousand people are going to watch me open a box.”

“So,” Jordan inquired, “you are going to open the box?”

The laughing emojis began pouring onto the screen as people watched Alex and Jordan begin the process of working out who was going to open the box.

“I’ll do it,” Alex reassured Jordan.

“It’s time.”

Alex removed the brown paper wrapping, revealing the waxy inside coating protecting the full color logo of Harry’s Famous Horsemeat Burgers. Alex turned the wrapping toward the screen. Alex hated Harry’s Horsemeat Burger joints and used the paper to hide their face, chagrined by the fact that so many people were invited into their home to watch this moment. Tossing the paper aside Alex cast a furtive glance at Jordan.

Looking directly at the screen closest to their face, reaching for the box at the same time, Alex said, “Here goes nothing.”