A millennia and one

It was several millennia back when the world opened their eyes to the possibilities beyond reasoning. They saw colors never before seen, they heard sounds that have never been heard before, and even felt new emotions that were thought to never be possible. With the previous shroud of ignorance removed from our eyes, a new looming bleak existence creeped over our heads.

No one talks about what happened afterwards, only that it plunged our world into chaos. Then it was just dark and gloomy for a long time. Many people were persecuted for the beliefs they had, forced into camps far away from the main population. We couldn’t have people questioning the societal resolution, that’s what was drilled in our heads. Free thought brought on free actions, and free actions brought on the chaos of our ancestors. Now we push our mundane lives through the mill, waiting until our eventual end.

My life hasn’t always felt this pathetic, it still doesn’t truly. I have my circle in the community, several circles in fact. People I can talk with, eat lunch with, play board games with in our spare time. People I attend school with. People I work with. Childhood friends, people who have lived in my neighborhood longer than I have. Each one of them I can only presume have the same sort of standards of interaction since the dawn of time.

In secondary school, they briefly taught our newly matured minds some of the horrifying features of the past, as well as why we don’t have them today. They really wanted every new generation that came after the great societal resolution to know the mistakes of the generations before them. We the minds meant for molding are told this is all for the betterment of society and for our future as a human race. At the time we snickered to each other when the professor wasn’t looking. It all feels so silly and nonsensical when you’re being told how to feel, how to think, and given a façade of a reason as to why.

I want to believe most people have their own independent thoughts. They think for themselves, choose what they want to wear for themselves, talk to who they want to. It all seems so simple. Then again who’s to say those thoughts weren’t influenced by the government. I try not to think to much about it. When I do I feel vulnerable, exposed. This strange phenomenon happens where water, if you could even call it that, falls from my eyes. My face burns and my throat closes up. I try to avoid this feeling but it’s incredibly hard to hold it back when I think about those things. It feels so foreign, so raw.

When it’s all said and done, the life that’s been laid out for us as a whole isn’t such a bad one. Just like the many before us, and most likely the many to come after, we find ways to make it work for the individual. We find ways to survive what some would say is barbaric, and others the perfect harmony. Life with or without structure.

I closed my notebook with an unfinished sentence trying it’s best to tie up the loose ends of my report. It’s the final report for the year, before graduation, before the rest of our lives. It felt fantastical, relieving, and uncomfortable all in one. I couldn’t help but lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. My mind stood at a blank while my heart was running a race. I can’t understand why. I wasn’t doing anything other than sitting at my desk, in my room, writing a report. It felt strange, but similarly I knew I just had to wait it out.