A Home for the Holiday

The sun shone bright in the clearing, and a slight, cool breeze moved through the leafless trees as Claire flashed into existence. Of all the realities that she had been to, none of them had felt like this, except her own. There was a perceived normalcy, like nothing untoward had happened here. Of course, she hadn’t yet left the woods and hadn’t a clue as to what this world was all about. So, Claire walked east and found herself in the large field behind the high school after only a few minutes. She continued along the tree line that stretched the width of the school’s property to the south. The parking lots were empty, indicating that today was either a holiday, or a weekend. Could it be Christmas already?

As the front of the school came into view, so did a police cruiser that was patrolling the grounds. Claire had no desire to be seen, so she ducked through the tree line that brought her to Eighth Street. Some homes were decorated for Christmas, she noticed, but not like it used to be when she was a kid growing up in this neighborhood. It seemed that, no matter what reality she went to, the spirit of Christmas was failing. She hung a left and walked past Jefferson Street and turned right onto Graber Alley. Claire had no desire to walk Main Street in her condition, not to mention that she was also carrying the machete and the Hellcat pistol. Things were quiet, as she was used to them being, as the people went about their normal day. Not many were outside, Claire noticed, as she walked along their backyards, but it was gaining on winter. One property had a row of large bushes along the alley, and she chose this spot to hide her machete. She then pulled the backpack off of her back and stuck the pistol in it. Despite her unclean appearance, she still needed to look as ‘normal’ as possible.

Claire became exposed after hiding the knife, with the open area that was the old gas station now on her left. She kept her eyes to the ground as she walked, but still caught the police cruiser passing by in her peripheral vision. Shit… The cruiser did, indeed, make a right turn onto Seventh Street and stopped at the intersection with the alley. She lifted her eyes slightly to see the officer open his door and stand with his arms resting on the vehicle’s hood. His clean-shaven face and deep-set eyes let her know it was Chief Adam Joseph.

He spoke with a quick squint of his eyes, “Mrs. Wells?”

Wells?! Holy shit… Did she dare admit to being who she was, or should she try and pull off a different identity? Here goes nothin’…

“Yes? Hi, chief,” Claire tried to evince an air of surprise and nonchalance.

“Are you alright? You look like you’ve had a rough time of it.” He was baiting her to say something that she didn’t want to say. It was just like an officer of the law to immediately try to make somebody feel guilty.

“I’m fine, just a little tired.”

“You ducked through those trees pretty quickly when you saw me. Are you sure everything is fine? Where are you coming from?” He was quite intrigued, and, as Claire was correct about, he wanted to know exactly who this person was. The chief had seen her just yesterday at an open house. His wife was pregnant with their third child and they were looking for a larger house. Now, her hair was a different color, her clothes looked old and too worn, and she looked weighed down.

Claire stopped a few paces from the car and fought with herself to find a plausible answer. “Well… Once in a while I like to take a night off and go camping alone. There’s a nice clearing down by the reservoir that I like to frequent.”

Chief Joseph tilted his head at the answer and slowly walked around the front of the car to the passenger side. “You look like you’ve been gone for more than one night, Mrs. Wells.”

“I like to get a little crazy, sometimes,” she responded with a nervous laugh.

“Can I give you a ride home then?” he asked with feigned politeness and opened the cruiser’s rear passenger door. “I’m sure a nice, hot shower awaits you at home.”

Claire started forward again, slowly, smiling as genuinely as she could. “Thank you, Chief Joseph.”

The chief kept his eyes on her backpack as she slung it off of her back and entered the vehicle. Claire’s heart raced, realizing that once that door closed, she very well could be headed back to the jail cell. She had been able to avoid ending up there since the beginning of this weird journey, and she didn’t want to end up there now. Something important was going to happen here, she could feel it with every fiber of her being and sitting in a cell would put all of that in jeopardy. The ensuing silence was awful for Claire. The sound of the closing door was deafening, she could hear every step of the chief’s shoes clacking on the asphalt, she could hear every creak of the leather seat as the chief took his seat and got comfortable, and the sound of the 5.0 firing up was like a dragon’s roar in her ear.

“You live over on 3rd Street, right, Mrs. Wells?” Chief Joseph was looking at her in the rear view as he pulled the police cruiser into the road. He was waiting to see her reaction.

Claire pulled a rabbit out of her ass as she smiled and answered, “Close… but no. I’m on Stonehaven.” She immediately withdrew her eyes from his and looked out the window. She had no clue if she was right, but she had a feeling that this world was the one where she got what she had always hoped for. One of those hopes was her boys, another was a home in her old neighborhood.

“Right…” replied the chief, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

The ride only took a few minutes, and Claire kept her eyes to the road passing slowly by out of her window. The map in her head told her where she was at without an upward glance, and the vibrations within her told her when she was close to the house. Claire lifted her gaze as they turned onto Stonehaven Drive, and she looked out of the driver’s side rear window where she knew the house sat. And it was just like her dreams… Dark beige siding with green faux shutters marked the upper floor, and a small porch at the front door, all decorated for Christmas, was accented by the brick finish of the lower floor. It was a split-level, just as she knew it would be. Tears welled up in her eyes when she saw the twins standing and waiting. They knew that she was coming, but she was too distracted to consider how. She stole a glance at the desert sand painted Jeep Wrangler parked in the driveway and the tears began to pour down her face. The hushed voice of Chief Joseph floated back to her as if in a dream.

“Are you alright, Mrs. Wells?” The concern in his voice was genuine, though the undertone of confusion was unmistakable.

“Mmhmm…” was all she could manage. Claire was as far from the home she knew as she could be, yet she felt like she was coming home for the first time.

The police cruiser stopped in front of the house, and the few moments it took for the chief to exit the vehicle and open the rear door felt like an eon. She quickly grabbed her pack and bowled past her chauffeur, nearly sprinting as her feet hit the sidewalk. In her dream, which she could now see in her mind while awake, the shadow men finally resolved into her sons, and through her real-world tears she couldn’t imagine them being any more beautiful.

They were tall, like their father, but had the fair skin of her Irish heritage. Beneath their dirty blonde hair that grew to their shoulders, each had sapphire blue eyes that betrayed a wisdom that boys of their age should not have. Their smiles were encircled by five o’clock shadows of beards, just like Eric, and they wore simple clothes… blue jeans and flannels. They were built like Eric, too, with broad shoulders, noticeable muscles, and bearing that would make one think they were in the military. That, of course, was no surprise given their father, a proud veteran of the Navy. And though they were identical, Claire could tell them apart immediately. Nathaniel, on her left, had her smile, while Gabriel had his father’s. The boys were the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, and she dropped her backpack and embraced them as though they had returned from the dead.

“My boys!” she said breathlessly and began to sob quietly in their arms.

“Thank you for giving her a ride home, chief,” said Nathaniel. He sounded so much like his father that Claire cried harder.

“Take care of her boys,” he replied, the skepticism still thickening his words. “She seems to have had a rough night.”

“We’ll take good care of her, sir. You can count on that.” That was Gabriel, and his voice was music in her ears. She felt his hand move from her back for a moment as he waved to the chief, then returned to their embrace.

The three of them held their embrace until Claire was able to get herself under control. Then she took a step back and just looked at them, her smile from ear to ear.

“I can’t believe this is happening,” she said, still breathless.

Gabriel spoke first, “Mother, it’s wonderful to finally meet you. We’ve been expecting you for some time.”

“Come inside,” said Nathaniel, without pause. “You can get cleaned up and warm. Then a good, hot meal.”

“But how…”

“Mother, please,” commanded Nathaniel. “We have much to discuss, but we have plenty of time to do it.”

Gabriel opened the door and led her inside. He raised his arm and pointed to the upper floor and she climbed the stairs, the aroma of a vanilla-mint candle pervading the air. The home was impeccably clean, which came as no surprise. The stairs opened immediately onto a family room, replete with a big screen television, a sectional along the wall, and a coffee table full of magazines of all types. Photos of deep space hung alongside photos of Ireland and copies of paintings from various famous artists. A cat tree sat in front of the bay window that looked out onto the backyard, but no cat lay upon it. Claire shivered as she looked, and in her mind she felt Max rub against her leg in the dream.

“I’m sorry about Max,” she told the twins. “But he is with me.”

The boys smiled and nodded. “That’s good to hear, mother. I can’t think of any better person to care for him than you,” Nathaniel replied.

Claire was led to the right where the boys’ bathroom was. It was immaculately clean, and she felt a sense of pride at its cleanliness. It was obvious that the twins were well-raised and took pride in cleanliness and organization. She kept herself from looking in the mirror as a matter of habit, but when she worked up the courage to look into it, all she saw was her reflection. Jesus, I look terrible! While she didn’t look sickly, she was gaunt and pale. Days and days of filth discolored her skin, darkness reigned beneath her eyes, and tangles had invaded her hair. It was no wonder that Chief Joseph looked at her so questionably. She held up her hands and cringed internally at the state of them. They looked old and worn, a rash of small cuts and bruises aging them further. Her clothes were a perfect match for her face, as they, too, were dirty and battered.

She turned her eyes to Gabriel as he spoke, “Do not fear, mother, you can take as long as you need to get cleaned up. There are comfortable clothes and a towel on the toilet for you. And when you’re ready, food and tea will be waiting for you.”

Claire smiled, “Thank you, son.”

She closed and locked the door, turned on the shower, and began undressing. Mother… The thought kept going through her mind. Even though the thought felt natural, it still didn’t feel real. She wasn’t their mother, their mother was only a clone of her. This world’s Claire carried them, and gave birth to them, and raised them. Not her. And as amazing as this whole thing was, it was not her life, but somebody else’s. As much as she would love the boys as her own, and feel like their mother, she just wasn’t… She would never know the experience of carrying a child inside, of welcoming that child into the world, and of raising that child. Her Eric was dead. She watched him get shot by a man she never should have known. Claire desperately wanted to have those experiences, and adopting the twins after doing what she was here to do would not be enough, despite the love she already had for them.

The steamed mirror brought her out of her thoughts, and she stepped into the hot water. It was bliss, even better than the first shower she had taken after the start of this wholly insane journey. She could feel the dirt, grime, and fatigue fall off of her. The aroma of the body wash was intoxicating, and the massaging of her scalp as she shampooed her hair was ecstasy. Claire wasn’t sure how long she had been in the shower, but the bright red skin of her legs told her that she had been in long enough. She shut the water off and moved with a little bit of urgency to get dressed and put some food in her belly.

Opening the door slowly, she steeled herself against what she knew must come next. The twins had set up a chair and a tray table, upon which sat a full plate of French toast, hash browns, and pork roll. A steaming cup of tea sat next to the plate, as did a small bottle of maple syrup. The scene reminded her of something that Eric would’ve done for her, and a lump grew in her throat. Stop it! Control yourself!

Claire’s voice came meek and quiet, “I wasn’t sure what to do with my old clothes, so I just left them-”

There she sat, her other. Claire stopped in her tracks, mouth agape. For some reason, coming face to face with her other here was much more disorienting than in the other world’s. She became aware of the vibrations pitching higher inside of her. Her eyebrows crinkled while she stared, caught unawares that this Claire was not dressed the same as the one she saw in the dream. It was definitely the same woman, but why were the dream and the reality different? It had never been like that before. Other Claire spoke before she could think any further.

“Good morning, Claire. Welcome to our home.” The words came almost musically to her ears, and it was disconcerting to hear herself coming out of another person.

“Hi… hi, Claire?” She let out a nervous laugh, feeling almost sheepish.

“Please, call me Anne.”

“A- Anne?” Claire asked, confused.

“It’s my middle name. It’ll feel less uncomfortable if we use separate names.”

The confusion remained for Claire, though. “We don’t have a… Well, I don’t have a middle name. You do?”

“Yeah, Mom and Dad always loved the name ‘Anne’,” she said with a small smile.

“What about your twin sister? What’s her name?” Claire’s gut tightened for fear of the answer.

‘Anne’ shook her head back and forth, “I don’t have a twin sister, only a younger brother, Steven.”

“Oh my God,” she said. Claire loved Anne, her twin, more than she could ever explain to anybody. Yet, here was her ‘perfect self’, and she had no idea of the incredible feeling of having a twin. It was in this moment that Claire realized that perfection didn’t exist. No matter how many wishes any human being would ever have for ‘perfection’, the universe would always make them fall short. There was no ‘perfect’, only ‘good enough’.

“Please,” said Anne, quietly, and gestured to the tray table of food. “Sit and eat, you looked like you’re starving.”

Claire took her seat, dazed from what she had just been told. The haze soon evaporated as she tore through the meal given to her. She didn’t know how hungry she was until she began to eat. Mere minutes was al it took, and she sheepishly asked for a second helping. As she waited for Nathaniel to get it, she sat back, cup of tea warm in her hands, and sipped contentedly.

Speaking to nobody in particular, she asked, “Where’s Eric?”

Gabriel answered, “Father is at work. He works at the nuclear plant, in Limerick, and this is his dayshift weekend. He should be home about seven o’clock this evening.”

Claire smiled into her cup of tea. “My Eric worked there for a few years before he reconnected with me. He always told me how much he enjoyed working there.”

“He’s a supervisor there, and yes, he does love it,” said Anne, the smile spread across her face.

Her second serving arrived, and the company stayed silent as she ate. When she had finished, it was Gabriel that took her plate and got her a second cup of tea. He made her tea exactly the way she liked it, and it was a little spooky. The four of them got comfortable, then the silence got uncomfortable. Thankfully, it was Gabriel that broke the ice.

“How long have you been on your journey, mother?”

Claire raised her eyebrows and looked to Anne. Anne nodded with a smile, letting her know that it was alright for her sons to refer to Claire as ‘mother’. With the permission given, Claire answered, “Oddly enough… or, maybe not so oddly enough, it all began on Friday the 13th. Civil war broke out a couple of days later, and an old boyfriend of mine led an attack into our apartment and killed Eric. That was the first time I jumped into another reality. I wish it had never happened…”

“But you have to know it’s worth it, considering where your journey ends,” said Anne in a tone suggesting that the ends justify the means.

“That’s just it! I don’t know where this journey ends,” the exasperation and desperation clear. “Gabriel… the angel Gabriel,” she emphasized while looking at her son, “Is being secretive about all of this. I don’t know what I’m doing this for!”

The other three glanced each to the other, confused and concerned. Claire’s hackles rose once again.

“Why would he tell us… and not you?” asked Nathaniel.

But Claire shot Anne a rapid glance, her expression now changed to mild anger. “You know what all of this is about? You know why I’m here? And you welcome me into your home like a long-lost family member?!”

“It is a sacrifice I’ve waited a long time to make. We, the three of us, have spoken to Gabriel more times than I can remember,” Anne’s voice was filling with urgency. “We’ve been expecting you for a long time, too, and I’ve prepared myself.”

Claire set down her cup, stood up, and began pacing, her glare never leaving Anne. “Why should you know what all of this about?! Why should they?!” And she waved her arm towards Gabriel and Nathaniel. “I’m the one going through this! I’m the one that’s seen things that will haunt me forever! I’m the one that has seen Eric dead or dying far too many times! Why do I not get to know what this is all about?!”

Nathaniel stood up and approached her, arms spread as an olive branch to Claire’s growing ire. “Mother, there is a reason behind the angel’s actions.”

“I don’t care!” The veins began to stand out on her neck as she fumed. “This is my journey, and I don’t even know what the destination is! This is bullshit, and you know it!”

“Claire…” pleaded Anne.

“No! You can’t do that! Does Eric know?”

“No, he doesn’t.”

Claire guffawed in dismay. “He doesn’t?! How the hell do you expect him to deal with what has to happen here?! What the hell is wrong with all of you?!”

“Claire, sit down,” commanded Anne, the authority in her voice all too familiar to Claire.

She did sit down, if only on the edge of her seat. Her expression was pained with the knowledge of what Eric would have to go through. “Why are you allowed to know?”

“Because I’m the one that has to die…” Anne’s eyes were large and frightening as she spoke.

Claire sat back in her seat, hands folded in her lap, and bowed her head. The tears fell onto her hands as the reality of what was happening here set in. “Eric needs to be told,” she whispered.

Anne watched the woman’s tears fall. She had always had an internal struggle with keeping Eric in the dark. Claire was absolutely right, what had to happen here would tear him apart. She shifted her glance to Gabriel, then Nathaniel, each giving her a small nod of agreement.

“We will tell him tonight… together,” she said, the tenor of her voice nervous.

Claire raised her eyes to look at her other, and a slight smile bloomed. “There was conversation I had by a campfire in one of the first worlds I went to. That Eric understood what was happening when he was told. In fact, he seemed to understand it better than I did, and I was the one living it. It was the first time I intentionally killed one of my others, and though Eric understood how I was able to be there, his reaction to what had to be done was vicious. He tried to kill me. I expect nothing different this time.”

The conversation continued until lunchtime with Claire recounting her experiences through the timelines. The twins explained how Gabriel told them that they were important in these events, but he was never keen on divulging what their purpose was. Nathaniel implied that it was because the angel had never come across humans such as them. They understood that they were the primes, and that they had no others in any of the timelines. Not even they knew what they were capable of, and Gabriel related that he and his brother were reluctant to find out. They trusted in the process that the angel had set them on and waited for their purpose to show itself. Anne, however, was not so boisterous. How could one really be excited about standing on Death’s doorstep while sitting across from the person that was there to kill you? But she spoke of her life with a tenderness that had left Claire long ago.

The only memory common between the two women was Eric spying her in her group of cheerleaders while he was standing in the endzone of the high school football field. Claire’s Eric had always regretted not having the gumption to approach her after the game… Apparently, Anne’s Eric did have the gumption. They were married a few years later, Anne already selling homes in the Valley after getting her real estate license. But that didn’t last long, as Eric joined the Navy, and they spent the next twenty-two years galivanting the globe as he went from command to command. It was in his seventh year of service that Anne had become pregnant with the twins. Both her and Eric felt a pang of regret that the boys weren’t able to do their entire schooling in the Valley like they did, but she had known by the time they were four that the boys were something special. She knew that that experience is one that would have had little effect on shaping their character. At the very least, their high school years were able to be done here at home, she told Claire. And she was thankful for that. She was excited when Eric landed the job at the nuclear plant in Limerick, it was his calling. Now, though, knowing that the time that Anne and the boys had prepared for over the last five years had come, her heart broke for him.

Things were more jovial after lunch, but the tension remained thick in the air as the four waited for Eric’s arrival home. It had been decided that all four of them would be sitting in the living room when he walked through the door. “Better to get the shock out of the way immediately,” Anne said to them, and Claire quickly agreed. They also agreed not to tell Eric what Claire’s goal was there, only that this was a freak incident that they’d have to find a way to live with. None of them were sure that he’d buy it, but none of them wanted to upset the Christmas holiday on Monday, two days away.

That evening, as dinner was warming on the stovetop, Eric walked through the day with an animated, “Hi, honey, I’m home!”

“We’re in here, babe!” replied Anne.

Distracted with joy of being home, Eric walked hurriedly past the dining room table and into the living space. He looked at the boys, “Hey boys! How was your Saturday?” But he didn’t even wait for an answer, he skirted to the end of the opposite couch and bent over to give his wife a kiss. Eric stopped short and gasped. Claire was told to sit in Anne’s usual spot, at her behest, just to see what would happen. It was as she suspected… Eric nearly fell over the coffee table as he backed away. He looked back and forth between Claire and Anne, neither woman had ever seen Eric so unsure of himself. He sat down carefully on the opposite couch, unable to speak. It was Claire that decided to speak first.

“Do you remember the ‘Many Worlds’ theory, Eric?” she did her best to sound authoritative, even though she was trying to remember things about this theory that she had only just learned about two months ago.

His confusion was beyond palpable. “Many what? Many Worlds?” He shook his head with a terrified sigh. “Ahhh, yeah… of course… But, what the-”

“It’s not a theory. It’s real.”

Eric nodded in agreement, but he was still stunned to silence. He finally spoke after a few tense moments, “What about the quantum barriers? How were you able to get through?”

Claire shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know, Eric.”

“It just happened, babe. None of us understand how it happened.” Anne got up from her place and made her way to Eric. She sat down and put her hand on his leg to comfort him. “And, if possible, can you call me Anne? She has no middle name, and it will avoid confusion.”

“No middle name? Did you work for the government in your world?”

“No,” said Claire. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m here. We need to figure out what to do.”

After a few more minutes of stuttered conversation, the five of them sat down for dinner. It was no surprise that Eric ate very little, and Anne could see the wheels of his brain turning furiously in an effort to try and reconcile what he was experiencing to reality. But, to her surprise, he did take the whole ordeal rather well. So well, in fact, that he listened as Claire recounted, again, the events that led her to leave her own world. She gave no dates and never alluded to the other worlds that she had visited. Regardless, Eric was enraptured by her story. But for Anne, she saw something else… Claire had watched her Eric die, and knowing the love between her and her Eric, she watched Claire’s expression become one of longing. Claire was falling in love with her husband, and the inherent jealousy she felt came bubbling back to the surface, after having spent many years learning to quell it.

Following dinner, the twins decided to give the family a bit of levity and chose for them all to watch ‘Terminator 2: Judgement Day’. It was a favorite for all of them, and the talk of alternate timelines fit well enough. Then Claire was given the guest bedroom upstairs. sleep came quickly, and the dream waited for her. The dream, however, was much different this time. The maelstrom behind her others had whipped into a dangerous fury, and it produced a suction effect that kept her and her others off-balance. But the twins, now fully resolved, were always next her. They said nothing to her, but their presence was a beacon of calm within the surrounding storm.

Eric called in sick to work on Sunday, and the five of them spent the day enjoying each other’s company. They had a big breakfast and spent the afternoon watching football. Claire helped Anne make preparations for Christmas the next day, and it was decided that Claire would spend the day in the guest bedroom, as it was the best way to prevent the family from finding out that anything weird was going on. Anne had wanted to cancel with the family to spare Claire the pain of not being able to see them, but Claire insisted that they not change their plans.

Christmas morning was a wonderful time for Claire, and the reality of how much she missed her own family kept the lump in her throat for most of the morning. She remembered the funerals of Eric, and of her parents. She remembered the pain of loss she saw in the faces of her sister, her brother, and Eric’s mom and sister. And she remembered that she never had found out what happened to Eric’s older sister. Despite it feeling like a lifetime ago, and not really having a chance to think about it on this strange journey, when she heard the voices of the family downstairs, she couldn’t help but to sob quietly in her pillow. Where will this all end?

The family left the house soon after sundown, and Claire, eyes still red from crying, was welcomed to her own Christmas dinner. The snow had been falling constantly outside, and all was covered in several inches of white powder. It had been years since she had a white Christmas, and it was maddening that she should finally have one in a world that was not her own. Claire pushed the pain away and focused on the joy on the faces of her temporary family, and her mind filled with thoughts of finding a way to stay here with them. She knew that to be impossible following the disaster that happened the last time she tried to build a life over again. So, she agreed with herself to hold off destroying this family for as long as possible.

Tuesday dawned bright and cold, but the home stayed warm and inviting. Eric spent most of his time in the study digging through the internet for any reference to a successful test of ‘reality jumping’, or mathematical proofs of the ability to even do it. Anne, Claire, and the twins spent the day baking and merry-making. And even though Claire was not their mother, the feelings inside of her told her that she was forming that bond with the boys, thanks to Anne and her encouragement. She truly is the best of me, Claire thought to herself. Would I be able to accept the reality that she is in right now? Her thoughts shifted to all of the not-so-savory versions of her that she had gladly killed. The idea that she could become so incredibly despicable of a human being still confused her. She had grown up learning that conviction and kindness, though not always the way to get you into a ‘good’ life, was the way to keep you a good person, a respectable person. Anne was all of that… And Anne was ready to sacrifice all to her! How will I find the courage to do what must be done? I need a reason!

That reason presented itself the next night…

Continue with Claire on her emotional and life-changing journey in Chapter 16:

The Ecstasy and The Agony