A Frozen Moment in Time

“It’s winter again,” Kelly Anne murmured as she was nestled under her husband’s arm. “It’s cold too. Pond is frozen over.”

“Yep,” her husband Travis responded although his voice, like his mind, was several hundred miles away.

“Ducks won’t be back until spring, I suppose,” she continued knowing that she was talking about nothing. Just killing time.

It had been less than a week since the diagnosis of cancer had come back. Stage IV breast cancer and the prognosis wasn’t good. Kelly Anne and Travis had spent long hours with the doctor discussing options and treatments. The general bout of chemo and mastectomy was recommended but even then, the doc couldn’t make guarantees. Six to eight months at best. It was like throwing a dart at the wall but only this time the wall was the couple’s spirit.

With his free hand, Travis reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a thick envelope. He passed it onto his wife saying nothing. When Kelly Anne opened the envelope, she found tickets and passes for a world tour. The itinerary said they would leave the next day.

“Travis, what... what is this?” she asked through choked-back tears. “We can’t do this; we can’t afford this. What about your job?” It was halfhearted pleading to not go.

“None of that matters. When we married all those years ago, I had promised to show you the world. It’s high time I did,” Travis replied trying to be strong against all the odds stacked against them.

The planning and packing for the trip that night began the brief respite for the enduring stress they had both been under. For what seemed like the first time in a long time, they both felt like they had something to look forward to. Kelly Anne bounced around their home with such giddiness that Travis even allowed himself to smile and let loose. They were set for an epic adventure.

The tour provided them first-class accommodations on the airline. Neither one of them had ever flown first class before so being able to check into the private lounge made them feel like royalty. The adventure was to leave JFK airport for Rome at seven-thirty that evening. A quick dinner on the plane, followed by a movie, and some drinks left the couple with happy thoughts as they drifted off to sleep.

Dreams really do come true at times and when Kelly Anne woke up to the flight attendants bringing her breakfast, she was able to look out her window and see the Italian landscape far below. Her heart beat fast with the anticipation that she would soon be in her first overseas city.

Rome was an utter sensation for the couple. The historic sites, the people, the food, the wine were all things that Kelly Anne had longed to see and experience. The three days in the big city flew by. In fact, time accelerated for the couple as they moved from city to city.

First, they traveled across Europe. All the major towns and attractions, four-star accommodations, and all that went with it. Any time Kelly Anne questioned Travis on how he was affording all this he would either change the subject or stare deeply into her eyes and just tell her she was worth it.

Asia came next. From the Indian sub-continent to the thrilling orient the couple felt limitless in their exploration. Travis was constantly capturing the moment in photo and video and when Kelly Anne almost slipped down the steps of a Thai temple while wearing a traditional Thai sarong, they both cracked up laughing at the film.

“What’s been your favorite so far,” Travis asked her while they jetted down to Australia.

It took Kelly Anne a moment to process the question. They had been on the road for three months and she could feel her body starting to give up. She grew sicker and sicker each day but tried her best to hide it from Travis. With a wane smile, she replied, “All of it.”

The Australian continent ended up being her favorite. From the majesty of the Outback to all the exotic wildlife she never would have seen except for a zoo, Kelly Anne was at peace.

She worked hard at hiding just how far her illness had progressed so as not to alarm her adoring husband. She took to wearing more toner makeup on her face to hide the paleness and sallowness of her skin. She excused herself more and more to “go to the bathroom”, but it was really to vomit or just curl up in pain.

Travis did his part and pretended not to notice. He played along with her in each passing city and port that she was feeling better, that this trip was rejuvenating her faster than any medicine could have. They played a game of fantasy each evening that she was getting better, that the doctor was wrong. When moments of weakness would come over one or both, they would sit back quietly and picture home. They would picture that lake in the spring with the ducks on it. They would picture the cold winters when the lake froze over; sometimes the kids would ice skate if the ice got thick enough. Despite being in some of the most exotic places on earth, their hearts always pulled them home when they needed it.

Their journey continued to safari in Africa. The lions, rhinos, hippos, giraffes, monkeys, and gorillas were all very exciting to see. It was at this point, however, that Kelly Anne really started to go downhill. On the morning of the second to last day of safari, as the sun rose over the expansive plains of Kenya, Kelly Anne could barely get out of bed.

Travis sent for the camp doctor but there wasn’t much he could do. His advice to Travis was to take Kelly Anne home. “She’s in no shape for travel at this juncture,” the doctor recommended while affirming his condolences under a hushed breath.

Even as her disease progressed, Kelly Anne remained stubborn. She was adamant that she would not return home without completing the trip. After all, they only had one more continent to go.

They had been on the road for bordering on six months.

As the weeks tallied up four more weeks and their tour took them across the South American continent the couple spent more and more time back at their home looking out at the frozen lake. They tried to freeze their fear of what came next in a time and space that couldn’t be disturbed. They tried to place themselves into a frozen moment in time. But none of that mattered much.

It happened one morning in Buenos Aires. Kelly’s breathing became shallow. Her eyelids could barely stay open. Her body went limp to the touch. Travis kept vigil by her bedside once she was transferred to the local hospital. No matter how much the attending staff tried to get him to go back to his hotel he would not go.

Seven more days and nights went by. The couple spent every moment together. Hardly a word had passed between them as Kelly Anne was fading fast.

On the evening of the seventh day, she grasped Travis’ hand with the little bit of strength she had left. Travis, who had been nodding off, jolted awake and looked down at his wife.

“It’ll be winter again soon,” she said.

Travis could feel the tears well up in his eyes. He knew her time was close.

“I sure will miss the ducks again this year. You know the pond is never the same without them in the winter.”

“It sure isn’t,” Travis said barely able to hold back his emotions.

Kelly Anne inched closer to him and whispered, “You know I won’t be able to be there with you this year. But maybe, just maybe if you ever look out and see a duck on the frozen pond it’ll mean that I’ve found my way back home.”

Travis gripped his wife’s hand tight and kissed her forehead through heavy sobs. Just moments later he felt her pass through his grip and out of his life.

Four months later, as Travis sat on his front porch looking at the frozen lake, he couldn’t help but feel the emptiness all around him. He spoke to Kelly Anne every day, even though he knew she wasn’t there to answer.

“Well babe, it’s winter again. And it’s cold out. The lake is frozen over,” he began reflecting on how their last adventure began just about a year ago to the day. “And I miss you.”

As Travis rose from his seat to go back into the warmth of the house he saw, out of the corner of his eye, a single lone duck fly in and land on the frozen lake.

Travis smiled and said, “Welcome home.”