A few reasons you should get to know Derek Baker

I know Derek Baker better than anyone. He's closer to me than he is even to his lovely wife, Amy. I was there when he entered the world and I've been an integral part of every movement he's made since then.

It would not be hyperbolic to assert that I created Derek Baker. As such, I can attest that he is someone you should meet.

Derek is the protagonist of "Baker's Cousin," a new animated series I created this year, which will be premiering soon on The Extract TV. Although his life as a donut shop owner might seem mundane to some, he finds a way to bring out the fun in every situation -- even when his ex-con cousin, Dusty, arrives at his front door in need of a place to crash for a while.

Much to Amy's chagrin, Derek opens up their home to Dusty and life is never the same again.

Combining my self-assessed status as the world's most talented writer, comic, and animator, it is no wonder that this project has already been described (by me) as the most entertaining show ever produced in the history of mankind.

The pilot episode begins with Derek stuck in line at the bank behind Annoying Al, a local gluten-sensitive dental assistant with a superhuman immunity to social cues. Upon arriving home after a long day at his bakery, he calls his mom, whose superpower is manipulation.

After his mother convinces him that Dusty is a changed man (he's not) and that giving him a place to stay won't be an inconvenience (it is), Derek's next task is to break the news to his wife. Or wait until she hears a knock at the door and asks, "Who's there?"

As for what comes next, let's just say it involves unforgettable characters, intriguing plot twists, and laugh-out-loud dialogue that will undoubtedly bury me beneath a heavy pile of prestigious awards and accolades.

In any case, the Bakers now have a new houseguest and an inexhaustible supply of domestic complications. And you owe it to yourself to tune in!

The pilot episode will debut on The Extract TV for free -- you know, to get the audience hooked on that sweet, sweet cartoon comedy. From there, a subscription model would allow fans (all 7 billion of you) to keep up with the trove of episodes that will follow.

And since I also own The Extract TV, there will be no stick-in-the-mud executives quick to cancel the show. That's right, I'll continue to churn out new episodes until the sun explodes.

Sounds good, huh?

Wait, where are you going? I get it, you're still not convinced. You think I might be overselling how immensely popular this series will be. Maybe you don't think I'm quite as talented as I have already assured you that I am.

Fair enough. It was hard for me to believe a cartoon could be this perfect, too -- until I created it. So for all the skeptics out there, let me give you a sneak peek of some memorable scenes from the early episodes of "Baker's Cousin."

First, I'll take you to the cozy French restaurant where Derek and Amy manage to sneak away to enjoy a romantic dinner without Dusty. That's right, the one and only Les Ratons Laveurs.

Oh, an exterior shot of the magnificent flowing fountain not enough for you? How about a glimpse of the table for two where Derek and Amy dine on whatever it is that French restaurants serve. (Grasshoppers?)

I assume even the most skeptical of readers are sufficiently enraptured at this point, but I'll conclude with one of the most gripping scenes imaginable to ensure each and every one of you are sufficiently fascinated.