A Dragon’s Heart

She rests her head on my chest, formerly full of flame, now only a faiding light, that is soon to go out. I have lived many centuries, seen kingdoms rise and fall, have fought along mankind in their many wars, have fought against mankind as they tried to tame us dragons. I slept for decades in caves that are full of treasures I have collected over the centuries. Dragons live in solitude and rarely reproduce, and I have never bore offsprings. I turn my long neck and rest my head on her lap. She strokes my nose like she used to and starts humming a lullaby that I have heard her sing a thousand times to her own children. I close my eyes, my heart is full of gratitude for the gift I did not know I was missing and have never asked for. Her voice takes me back to a day nearly twenty years ago, a time span that used to have no meaning for a creature as old as me. Yet..

The deer that I had spotted from above was nowhere to be found. I wandered through the forest, taking in the scent of the trees, the soil. It was foggy and wet, a cold winter day. The first snowfall of the season was near, I could feel it. I had never lost the trace of my next meal before. The trees in this part of the forest were dark and tall, but I knew the forest better than anyone. I had lived here for over fivehundred years and I knew of every creature, village, and kingdom that lay near. Nothing could stay hidden from me for long. I smelled the game, a strong and tangy scent. But there was something else, a sweeter mix that entered my nose. Milky and like the fresh bread I had spotted a few times in a human village. I got curious and followed it’s trail. Moments later I already found the source, a human child was sleeping next to a giant spruce, curled up and probably freezing under it’s woolen clothes. I had already encountered human children and was fairly well equipped to asses the situation: Female by the looks of it and brand new, only two or three years old. I also knew that humans could die very fast when they were too cold and that their body shuts down after a while to save energy. Which was probably the case here. Most of my dragon kin did not concern themselves with human matters and would have left the child to the elements. Dragons were not cruel or cold hearted by nature, but we felt different than other species. Slower and stolid, sometimes complacent, especially when dealing with a species that is so fragile like a human. But that smell… It drew me in. I took the little girl under my wing and started breathing warm air. Immediately she curled up against my chest and whimpered. A sound so sweet and innocent, I closed my eyes and felt at peace with the world. What power a small being can hold over such an ancient creature like me.

After awhile I felt a shuffing and huffling. The girl was about to wake up, she stretched her little arms above her head and her legs as though she was trying to make herself taller. Then she opened her eyes and looked into mine with no trace of fear. No, she smiled, then beamed. Dago, dago! This one apparently was still learning the human language. She started to brabble something while I took a closer look at her. She had hair in the color of leaves in fall and eyes that looked like the sky in winter, stormy and grey. Her skin as white as snow, chubby cheeks and hands and when she grinned, you could see that her husks, no, canine teeth is what humans call them, were still missing. Her clothes were looked well made, but dirty from the ground. She wore a dark brown woolen jacket and trousers and her boots were thick and made of leather. And tiny. Whoever this girl belonged to, they were not as poor as so many humans who have to work with their hands are. It occurred to me that she must be hungry, but I lacked what little humans ate. Probably not raw meat. Berries, perhaps, but at this time of year they were hard to come by. I could roast a hare or rabbit for her. Water, yes, water was very important for humans, I recalled. There was a river not far from here and even if it was already frozen, I could melt it. So I nodded to her to move along and she followed me, one hand holding tight to my wing.

While the girl was drinking, better yet slurping, water from the river, I contemplated what to do. I did not think me suitable to take care of such a little thing and did not have use for it. I knew there was a witch that lived behind the dark pine forest in a clearing, so I decided to take her there. Witches usually knew what to do and maybe she even had some food for her. My hunger was completely vanished, but she started to moan and got clingy. I decided to take her in my claw and fly to the witch‘s house, but what I did not consider was her crying out of fear when I took of. It melted my heart, I could sense her terror for she must have never flown before. Of course not, how could she. But the travel was short and a few moments later we landed in the clearing. The sun had already risen, the fog was gone, and the clearing was lying in a peaceful morning dew. Smoke came out of the witch‘s chimney. When we arrived by the door, it opened up by itself. Witches liked to demonstrate some kind of spookiness with a little hint of showing off. Dragon, come in!, a crooked and hoarse voice came from another room. Always a good sense of humor, those witches. Only my head could move past the door and fit into the small hut. I heard loughing, then a tall and skinny figure came into the room. She wore a long velvet dress and velvet coat, both black. On her head was a big spikey hat. Even though I had heard her loughing she looked sourly and her small lips were pressed tightly together. I remembered her name. Nana Grim, I have found this female child in the forest and don’t know what to do with it. Now she looked annoyed. Of course you don’t know what to do with it, dragon! What’s a dragon to do with a child, I should say. You lot only take care of trinkets and stuff. But what business of mine is this, eh? She waved her hand and on her table appeared some sliced bread and cheese on a plate. To the girl she said biskly: Now, sit down and eat. The little one happily obliged, oblivious to the harsh tone of her voice. Well, at least she had offered her food, so I took that as a sign of a meak hint of helpfulness. I wondered if you could take her in? Or know where she belongs to? She was a bit intimidating, Nana Grim. Her gaze grew icy. So you think just because I look human you can strot in here and ask me to take in a toddler? Don’t you think I have better things to do with my time? There are hundreds of humans out there who are asking me favours or need healing and who are always surprised when I ask for something in return! Now let me tell you something: There always is a price to pay and you better be willing to pay it! I strive for power over humans, not charity! Those men seek for easy exits out of any misery they encounter and ask me to do a little magic for them. But when it comes for something to offer me in return, like a small sacrifice, a limb, anything,… No, dragon. I cannot take in the child. You can’t offer me anything I want or do not already have and I have no use for all the gold and silver you hide in those mountains! Well, that was disappointing. Not because I did not want to take the girl with me, I liked her and meant well for her. I blamed myself for my misjudgement of the witch’s character. With a last flicker of hope I tried to enquire: Do you know who might be willing to adopt a child? She growled. Try the king behind the forest in the valley. He has a big castle, servants and enough room. Now get out before I ask a price for this information and the food as well!

The youngling enjoyed the second flight. In front of us appeared a mountain panorama with the castle of the king set at the bottom. Build out of grey stone, the castle had a lot of towers with spikey red roofs. Below the castle the village was laying. I hadn’t been here for at least a hundred years and was in awe. Gone were the muddy roads, the stink, and houses that barely held together. Instead there were roads made of cobble stone, solid, even magnificent houses, there was a market place that was busy with tradesmen. Truly remarkable, those humans. They can’t do magic or fly or spit fire, aren’t very strong and don’t live for long. Yet they still create such marvellous architecture and evolve in such a short period of time. I was feeling hopeful that this was the right place for my girl. I looked at her. Her cheeks were blushed from the cold wind and she was laughing. She wasn’t cold, as heat radiated from me. Oh, what innocence she had. She looked at me with the most trusting eyes I had ever experienced. As if I never had brought any death or misery to anyone and was pure goodness. Under her gaze I felt undeserving of such admiration and for the first time in my life I wanted to be worthy. How could a human child evoke such emotions that had been buried deep in a soul made of fire and ash? It scared me. It was a kind of fear I didn’t know existed. I did not fear for my own life, which was the only fear I knew. I dreaded a future without her. And I didn’t even know her! I imagined my fire burning all these emotions within me und buried them deep down, hoping they might never surface again. She grabbed my wing with her little hands as I started to walk towards the guards that were guarding the palace. The villagers knew that dragons existed and they must have seen a few at odd times flying above their valley. There was an understanding between humans and dragons for a few centuries now that they left each other alone, however I could not blame the guards who started to look a bit uneasy at the sight of me. I guessed dragons did not frequent their gate. I tried to look as unthreatening as I could muster, the task made easier by the innocent look of my little companion. Good day, humans. I wish to speak to your king., I said solemny. Their eyes grew big, they stammered some incoherent words, and opened the gate. The gate was so big I could just walk through. They pointed towards the entrance, steps that led to a smaller doorway. Probably too small. May I be so bold as to request you ask His Majesty down the courtyard? The poor soul next to me looked as if he wanted to die on the spot. He swallowed, turned bright red, nodded, and ran inside. He came back with the king, whose name I had forgetten or did never know. He was a huge man, belly as wide as a wine barrel and probably equally full with said liquid. His nose was red, his face meaty, and his eyes unusually small. He wore purple velvet shoes with a golden buckle, tights, and a red coat with fur linings. His hair looked somewhat greasy, the crown on his head did not make his appearance any more dignified. I bowed my head out of respect for the human sovereign. I knew to wait until he spoke to me and I did not want to offend him. Finally he said Dragon, what brings you here to my kingdom and disturb the daily business of my subjects? Gently I pushed the little girl in front of me, she was still holding my wing. She looked scared and intimidated. Funny, she hadn’t looked at me like that, even though I looked far more threatening. Your Majesty, on my travels in the dark forest I encountered this child. She needs a home and humans who can take care of her. She is too young and fragile for me to take care of her. Nana Grim has suggested I come before you to request a home for her. He mustered the child with condescension. I wonder, dragon, why a tall and mighty creature like you would concern yourself with such a little weakling? She is not your responsibility, you could have left her where you found her. It all feels a little suspcious to me, if you don’t mind me saying so. - I assure you, Your Majesty, there is nothing suspicious about it. Clearly anyone with a heart in their body would have taken a defensless and innocent child with them, even if it brings them some inconveniances., I tried to appeal to his conscience. Don’t try to play games with me, dragon! Contrary to what your lot believes, I am not as gullable as some weak ordinary man you have met. No, go play your games somewhere else, I am not falling for your trap, whatever that may be! Poor old man, I thought to myself, to believe such conspiracies. With as much patience as possible I asked Where should I take her then, as I can‘t give this girl what she needs, a home, food, and shelter? - No, I should think not. A dragon only cares for his trinkets and treasures. Take her to the little village that lies next to the river far in the east. Only peasants live there, they might be stupid enough to fall for your trap!

I had grown angry. There was this little child and all these people could think about was power and selfishness, the very thing they believed dragons to be. The little girl was sleeping in my claw while I flew in the direction of the village the king mentioned. I knew the village he mentioned and it was half an hour flight away. I did not believe all those peasants living there were dumb. But what did I know, so far I had misjudged every encounter on this little journey. She looked so peaceful. Behind her closed eyes I could see them moving, sometimes the hint of a smile appeared on her lips. I grew discouraged. I did not want to leave her, but it was my hearts desire to find a home for her. She deserved love and safety, things I could not give to her. I wanted her to grow up to be a human that was able to show compassion and gentleness, unlike those humans I had met so far. I landed in a field right in front of the village. I did not know where to turn to and didn‘t see anyone in the fields or outside their houses. I started to think about my next move, as I did not want to scare the villagers, when I heard a loud shriek. A woman came running out of the house closest to me, her hair the color of fall leaves. She cried and laughed at the same time, pure joy, agony, relief, anger - it was as if she was releasing all the emotions. My little girl squeezed my claw, then jumped out and ran towards the woman. Everything was clear to me, that must have been the mother and I had found her by sheer luck. A man came running towards the hugging mother and child, he was also crying. So my quest had come to an successful, but abrupt end. I turned to fly away, no longer needed, when something tugged my wing. It was her. All my emotions, that I believed to be burnt to pieces, came bursting through my eyes. I couldn‘t stop it. I drew her in my wings and hugged her, she rubbed her little head against my chest. Then the woman and man came towards me and hugged me. Their tears were still running and I thought mine would never stop.

I did not know what I was missing. I spent centuries collecting trinkets and treasures, I got involved in conflicts that most of the time had not concerned me, for I had lived longer than to feel any effect of them. I was in pursuit of something, anything, but I was merely existing, like the rest of my kind. That day I found out what unconditional love meant, for a being that wasn‘t even my kind, my own. Yet she and her family drew me in, welcomed me not only out of gratitude, but because they accepted me and loved me. I found a family, I found love.

Her parents are gone and now I must leave her, too. I know she will be happy, she won‘t be alone. She has found herself a husband and gave birth to three wonderful children. I love all of them dearly. She is everything and more that I hoped she would grow up to be. A tear runs across my face, as she continues to hum her lullaby. Goodbye, my little girl. I love you.