A Burden Shared

I draped fabric around Briony’s waist, positioning it into folds and ruffles, then knelt at her feet to pin and stitch them.

'Raziel?' she asked, and I could feel her staring at me. I kept my gaze focused on my task.

'Yes, my lady?' I replied, in that same subservient voice I used any time we were together in a crowded room. She snickered, gently tapping me with her foot.

'Enough of that. We're the only ones in the sewing room. Use my first name.' She didn't wait for me to correct myself, and straightened her posture. 'Come with me tonight. It's high time you attended a festival, and I'm certain you'd love it.'

'I'm not to attend at your side,' I replied, still not looking up. 'You'll have the Academy guards watching over you, and you'll be with your peers. It would be unseemly for you to take your manservant along, and you know that full well. We've had this same discussion several times a year for the last six years.'

'But I'd have so much more fun with you,' she whined. Now, I flicked my gaze to meet hers.

Her dark ruby lips, despite trying to pout, were teasing at a grin. Dark eyes full of mischief, one of her shapely brows was raised in a challenge to deny her again. She tested me further, moving her arms to smooth over her golden-highlighted brunette locks, and disrupting the tailoring I was doing.

'Briony!' I hissed, correcting her arms. She giggled, and stood still once again.

'Come to this last one, Raziel. You can be inconspicuous, I know it, and it would make me happy. And you should be able to enjoy your time here, at the Academy. You shouldn't have to be a slave.'

'And yet I am. Now keep still and quiet, as I fix your dress. I don't want to hear about it again - I won't go with you. It's not my place to, and I was looking forward to spending the evening here.'

'Yes, yes,' Briony sighed. 'I was hoping I might finally wear you down, but you're an insufferable stickler for Academy rules.'

Still standing, facing her, I opened my mouth to give a snarky reply. But... another Academy student entered, handservants in tow, and our easy conversation was over.

'My Lady, if you would please keep yourself still, so I might adorn you?' I said, head bowed.

'Yes. Terribly sorry, I'm just excited about the festival.'

An hour or so later, I was done with the dress. A cabbage-moth Lapidoptai joined us, to do Briony's make-up, and I moved on to her hair, wrapping curls and arranging them.

More and more Academy girls entered the room, to get ready for the festival. Most spoke angrily with their servants, demanding changes to their dresses, or their hair. Demanding a perfection the other man- and maid-servants simply weren't able to achieve.

Of course, a kind hand and voice were a contributing factor to my workmanship, but... it was rare for the servants to be given that.

I spent a while selecting and fastening Briony’s jewellery. Found exactly the shoes I'd intended on her wearing, and helped her to slip them on. And, finally - albeit a little hesitantly, and regretfully - I left Briony in the hands of the Academy guards, and returned to the garden-shed accommodation I was afforded.

I sat on the edge of my cot, watching the driveway. The parade of brightly dressed girls, accompanied by the guards wearing colourful overshirts, headed out of the gates, and down into the township.

For a moment, I laid back on my mattress, daydreaming about what it might be like if I'd joined Briony. But I wasn't allowed such luxuries.

I could, however, sneak one small joy, tonight. So, I gathered myself a towel, and quickly changed into a darker outfit - something even less likely to be noticed, if I came near the festival.

Quietly as I could, I opened my back window. Turned myself - and my clothes and satchel - invisible and snuck outside. I closed the window just enough so no-one would suspect anything and made a break for the gates.

They would stay open until midnight, or even later. Whenever a majority of the Academy girls had returned. So, I had from the beginning of dusk, to nearly midnight. Plenty of time for me to sneak a little moment for myself.

I headed into Academus Portside, the local township, and started around the edges of the festival. I had become visible, again, and I was certain I could sneak past, unnoticed.

Darting between the back sides of food stalls, I chanced looking over the bright lights and kaleidoscope of joy. I couldn't recall what the Sapiens were celebrating - there were far too many celebrations to remember them all - but I hardly cared.

Just once, I wished I was free to enjoy something like this. To try the games, the food... to wander every stall.

I sighed, and pressed on. I could only sneak small pleasures in life.

I slipped into the forest, and wandered for a while. Took off my headpiece, and enjoyed the risky seconds of freely showing my face outdoors.

Once I started feeling a little afraid, I headed towards the hidden lagoon. I'd discovered it, here, the first year Briony had attended the Academy. It was far enough from the township that I felt safe there, but not so far that it took too long to get to.

I hummed, taking off everything but my underwear, and placing it all in a neat pile. I covered the pile with my towel - so it would be the first thing I grabbed. Then, relishing every step, I waded into the water.

Cautious about the level of noise I was making, I floated on my back for a while. Then I stood, enjoying the feeling of running water over my body.

And then I heard it. A footstep, behind me. My heart in my throat, I completely froze, and waited to hear if I'd been seen.

'I thought you were planning on staying at the Academy?' Briony's voice teased. I turned, quickly, holding up both hands.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I've lied to you for years, and you must hate me. I'll leave before morning - you don't have to see me again. Just... please, please don't call the Academus Portside Constabulary to kill me. I'll leave, and I'll never come near you again,' I begged, stepping further from Briony.

'What are you talking about? I hardly want to never see you again, or have you leave - I don't even want to part with you after graduation! And calling the guards?' she scoffed. Barely able to breathe, I searched her face.

'I... you do know what I am, correct?'

'You're my friend, of course. But I hardly think that's worth bothering guards over, and the difference in station is hardly worth you running away,' Briony giggled, walking strangely.

'Briony.’ I said, weakly, tears brimming in my eyes. ‘Briony, I'm Sciamachy.'

'I can see that,' Briony said, crossing her arms. 'I'm still not hearing a reason for calling the guards on you. I recall how you cried at the thought of me going away to the Academy - to here – and how the only way to console you was to bring you along. And I've known you since we were eight years old, and a sensitive, gentle child. I've watched you develop into an adult who happily lives in servitude, despite being of a race known for their violence and hatred.' She pulled off the outer layers of her dress. 'I'm not frightened of you, in the slightest, Raziel. You might be Sciamachy, but you're hardly a shining example of the race's stereotype.'

Briony threw her dress aside. Left in a petticoat, she strode purposefully into the lagoon. I, however, could hardly look away from the pile of expensive fabric now sitting on the forest floor.

'Briony! I spent weeks on that design, and hours, today, ensuring your dress was perfect! I hand stitched every layer of that dress, and hand embroidered it! You're going to ruin it!'

She pounced, knocking us both under the water. Coughing and spluttering, I got us back on our feet.

'Briony Meija-Alvarez!' I shouted, gripping her arms. 'What are you doing? You're going to make yourself sick, you foolish girl!'

'I'm foolish? What about you, Raziel, you're wearing less than I. And you're of a race that's to be murdered on sight, yet you're out here... what, bathing? With hardly a care in the world? Not even enough sense in your head to notice if you'd been followed?' Briony, smirking, knocked away my arms and pushed me so I fell back into the water. 'You, darling, are the foolish one. As if begging for your life would really work, had I been terrified of what you are.'

'Well, it wasn't like I could hurt you. Not even if you ran to get the guards. I could never hurt you. I was more hoping to be allowed the time to gather what few belongings I have, and leave,’ I muttered, swiping my hair back from my face.

Briony was wringing out her loose hair. She gave me a concerningly confident grin.

'I have an idea, Raziel. A fantastic idea, one that would mean we never have to part ways, and I never have to be subdued as a housewife and a socialite.' She cupped my face, dark eyes sparkling from behind her now-ruined makeup. 'We leave. You and I, together. Take our belongings, and adventure together. Explore the universe, like space pirates!'

'Your father would have me killed, even without knowing I'm Sciamachy.'

'Then we never let him catch us! Come - if we head back to the Academy and pack our things now, we could sneak out and leave tonight, and perhaps even be off-planet by the time my father even knows I've left here!'

'Briony. A life on the run, like that, is no way to live. I'd rather live as your slave than go back to that. Trust me, it's not adventure. It's torture.'

'We won't be on the run. I have access to funds, so we'd be able to-'

'Briony! We can't.' I strode from the water, drying myself quickly but sufficiently, then offering her the towel. 'Here. Dry off, and put your other layers on, instead. I'm taking you back to the Academy, and you're going to get yourself warm, and go to bed early. And next week, you're going to graduate, and your life will go as planned, and you'll forget about me, as you really should.'

Briony followed me onto the shore, wringing out her petticoat. She reached out her hand for the towel, grinned wickedly, and grabbed my wrist. Pulled me closer to her, and cupped my face.

'Forgetting you is the last thing I ever intend to do. You're the only joy I have, here,' she said, softly, before brushing her lips on mine.

Suddenly, I was painfully aware of how little we were wearing. I put a hand on Briony's shoulder, weakly pushing her away.

'I... we... clothes,' I stammered. Briony searched my face, twisting a finger in my silver-grey hair.

'What?' she murmured. I cleared my throat.

'Clothes. We... before you fall ill, Briony. Get on something dry, and warmer.'

She ran her fingers over the feathery tufts along my ears, her eyes focused below my eyeline.

'You could keep me warm, you know. And I'm not expected to be back at the Academy for a few hours, still.'

'Mm, but I need you to go get dressed, in something more than you currently are. For my peace of mind, Briony, please? I'd feel much better if I knew you weren't going to catch some sort of chill. After that, I can hold you and keep you warm, if that's what you wish.'

I turned away from her, pulling on breeches and an undershirt. Glancing her way, I saw she'd stripped off her wet petticoat.

I looked away, quickly, out of respect and fear of getting caught. Fastened my headscarf, except for covering my mouth and nose, and pulled on my socks and boots.

'Here,' I said, holding out my jacket to her, glad she'd put the outer layers of her dress on. 'Put on this, to keep warm. I'm used to walking back while partly wet, and I'd rather I fell ill.'

'If you did,' Briony said, taking my hand in both of hers. 'I'd nurse you back to health. I'd rather that, than anything else at the Academy.'

I sighed, shaking my head at her. She met my gaze, and I couldn't help but smile at her.

'How often do you smile, behind your masks, I wonder?' she asked, slipping her fingers under my headscarf to pull out a tuft of silver and a strip of feathery blue.

'That's a secret I'm inclined to keep,' I replied, tucking the hair back in. 'Please don't, Briony. I've spent my whole life keeping this hidden. I don't want the whole town to know, now you do.'

'What... what do you want, Raziel? What do you plan on doing, once I graduate?'

I closed my eyes, and heaved a sigh. Tried to come up with an answer she might like.

She kissed me again, tenderly and hesitantly. A hand on my shoulder, the other cradled behind my head.

Despite my best efforts, despite years of reminding her I was well below her and hardly was worthy company, I gave into her. I kissed her in return, a hand on her hip, and one along the side of her ribs.

'Briony,' I whispered, breath shaking, as she angled her lips away from me. 'We really shouldn't do that. I can't be with you. You have an excellent future, simply waiting for you to step into it. You could leave the path your father chose for you, and still have everything. I have nothing to offer you, and I'll only cause trouble.'

'Hardly,' Briony scoffed, pinching my cheek. 'You're always encouraging me out of trouble. Raziel, I am well and truly an adult, by Sapien standards. I can make my decisions, and you are one I don't hesitate to make. If you would have me, that is?'

I covered my face, and packed the remainder of Briony's things in my satchel.

'We should get you to the Academy. To the life you belong to, not my life of deathly secrets.'

She took the arm I offered her, and was quiet as I led her from the forest. I resisted the urge to drink in the festival, as we passed it, but Briony hardly seemed to notice it was happening.

We passed the walk back towards the Academy in silence, and I could hardly breathe. Had I slighted Briony? Would she tell my secret, and have me killed, because I'd been insistent on keeping the distance between us?

I stopped, just out of view of the gates. Slipped my jacket back off her shoulders.

'Briony, you'll have to head in by yourself. I-'

'Don't leave, in the dark of night, or anything like that. I promise, Raziel, I'll keep your secrets. I won't press you, again, like I did today. Just... please, don't leave?'

I squeezed her hands, brought them to my face as if to kiss them.

'I promise, I won’t leave. I was only going to say - I slipped out of the Academy without being seen, earlier, so I should slip in the same way. And... I'll come straight to your side, after breakfast?' I made myself invisible, letting go of her hands. 'I'll walk beside you, for a little.'

'Where... Raziel?' she breathed, looking through me.

'I'm here. But you should walk into the Academy, Briony,' I whispered, back.

She gave one firm nod, and strode on. Quiet, as if she were, in fact, as alone as she would look.

The guard by the gate greeted her, offering a bow. Briony gave him a curt response, and told him to scold the other guards when they returned, because... well, a version of what had happened, but without any mention of me, and an incrimination of the guards not doing their jobs.

I continued with Briony, closer and closer to the building she was housed in.

'I think, since you can hide from view like this, you should come to my room, in an hour or so. I'll order up some supper for myself, and we can share it,' Briony whispered, doing her best to not let her mouth move. She kept her gaze towards the dormitory, a moment longer, then glanced side to side, not moving her head. 'I feel foolish. Hells, I hope you're still here, Raziel.'

I took that as my sign to leave, and crept across the grass to the back of my shed. Opened the back window, quietly, and slipped in, glancing at the time we'd returned.

I heated a pot of water, added it to a basin of room temperature water, and bathed quickly. Dressed in clean, dry clothes, and climbed onto my bed with a book, my head uncovered. Tried to read, just a little, but... I kept glancing at the old clock, checking how long I'd been here.

'This is foolish, Raziel,' I muttered, laying so my book would be in the way of the clock. 'You can't go to her room. You shouldn't have even given it a second thought. And she won't be upset by it - she'll just think you hadn't been there to hear it.'

But, despite repeating that... I found myself sneaking, invisible, across the grass again. Quiet as I could, I climbed up the building's wall, towards the one room which had light in the window.

I pulled myself up, over the room's balcony, and found myself almost face-to-face with Briony. She was in a forest-green nightgown, hemmed in matching lace, a satin robe loosely over her shoulders. A lazy, thick braid crept over one shoulder, and she sighed, leaning against the wall.

'Hells,' I whispered, dropping to a crouch inside the balcony, and becoming visible. 'You're in sleepwear, and still, I feel underdressed.'

'You came!' she gasped, dropping down in front of me. 'I was beginning to think you must have already left me!'

'I left just after that,' I confessed, shuffling closer to her. 'We should go inside - I don't want you catching cold, and we can talk much more easily in there.'

Briony gestured for me to head inside, then stood up and followed me in. She shut the door, and crossed her room, sitting on her bed.

I was still standing by the balcony, in awe. Briony had always slept in a generous bedchamber, and I'd been afforded just a simple, small guest room at her father's estate. But her room here at the Academy was larger than what she'd always had.

'Pick your jaw up, Raziel. It's only because I've been such an excellent student, and I'm in my graduate year,' she laughed, patting the bed beside her. 'My previous years, I was in a shared room. This size, but with at least four girls in it. And if you were female, you'd be given a cot in a corner, along with me, here.'

'And you want to leave this life, for one adventuring with me, with no promise of a bed, let alone a room the size of that bed,' I scoffed, crossing my arms. 'I don't want to even touch the covers, Briony - I'd be afraid it would scream at me for daring to touch something so fine without being the one cleaning them.'

'You're so weird, darling,' she said, shaking her head. She crossed closer to me, and sat on the floor. 'Is this better, here?'

I knelt in front of her, tensed and upright. She shook her head, once more, and told me to relax.

As if to make me do the exact opposite, there was a knock on Briony's door. She held a finger to her lips - like I needed to be told to keep quiet - and tentatively opened the door. After a brief, hushed conversation, she returned with a platter of supper, and a bottle of wine.

'I requested something I knew would be easy to share,' she grinned, setting the decadent selection in front of me. 'Hold on; I'll make it more comfortable. I'll get pillows, and blankets, from the bed.'

I was hardly game to argue, still a little shocked over the opulence of Briony's room. And so, I soon found myself lounging across the floor, the platter between Briony and I. She, grinning, fed me like I was someone of importance, and I returned the favour.

'So, you never answered me,' Briony mumbled, around a mouthful of crispbread. 'What do you want to do, Raziel? Or better - what do you plan to do, once I graduate?'

'As long as I can continue to hide, and live my life in semi-secrecy, I don't care. I'll be your father's servant, forever, if it keeps me from harm and danger.'

'But you're not his servant. You're my companion, masquerading as my manservant. And, I believe, you're technically my father's ward.'

'Surely you understand why I don't put much stock in my wants and desires,' I said, half laughing. Briony reached a hand, gently smoothing over my hair.

'Still. If you wouldn't face consequences - if you were able to - what would you want to do, once I graduate?'

'Stay by your side. Hells, you get into a lot of trouble, and I'm likely the only one in the universe who can make you think about your wild plans. Plus, it would be nice to keep an ally close at hand.'

'So,' Briony said, her voice heavy with insistence. She shifted, leaning over me. 'Run away with me. Run away, and adventure, and stow away on ships. We'll work odd jobs until we can afford our own ship, and we'll command a crew. Become merchants - it wouldn't be as glamourous, or fun, as pirates, but...'

'Briony, I...' I took a deep breath, closing my eyes.

Suddenly, her lips were against mine. The wine, and the indulgence of the moment, went to my head, and I caressed her, deepening the kiss.

Briony pulled away, shifting the platter and the now-empty bottle. She nestled closer to me, her robe slipping further off her shoulders.

'I think I want to change my answer, of what I want,' I whispered, tenderly brushing fingers over her perfect skin. Briony giggled, throwing the robe aside. Tugging at my shirt.

'We've rebelled this far, Raziel. Stay the night, here with me. Please?'

My heart pounded, my mind raced. Desperately tried to remember what protests I was supposed to make. What I was supposed to refute. I... I really didn't want to tell her no, anymore. I wasn't even certain I could.

'Gladly,' I breathed, nuzzling her. She kissed me again, running her fingers over my bare chest. Laid me on my back, lips brushing the line of my jaw.

'And run away with me?'

'Oh, Briony, that's not fair. I... we can't. We shouldn't. It's not...'

I felt my arguments drift away, into the fog my mind was becoming. I managed to stop Briony from taking things too far, physically, but I didn't dare leave her side. And we drifted to sleep, curled in a mess of bedding, on the floor, with me indulging Briony in a dreamy tale of what running away might be like.