A Brother’s Vow

Canadian Field Hospital, Hong Kong, December 24th, 1941

My father once said that a man sees the one thing he loves most in the moments before death. He claimed he saw my mother in those long hours he lay helpless in a shell hole, waiting for death to reach out with its cold hands.

I couldn’t remember that day I looked death in the eyes. I liked to think I thought of home. Of Evelyn sitting by the fireplace, rocking the little boy I’d yet to meet. Of my parents hosting our first Christmas dinner in the apartment, trying to cope without Edward there, cracking jokes my mother would swat him for.

But no matter how hard I tried to remember those moments before I lost consciousness, I couldn’t rid my mind of that blanket of darkness that were my memories. As I watched the doctor whisper something to the nurse standing next to him, I realized it was only a hope I would remember anything at all.

The nurse noticed me watching them and she quickly jutted her chin in my direction. The doctor turned, grey eyes meeting mine. He uncrossed his arms and slid his hands into the pockets of his white coat. It’s sleeves were stained with blood.

“Charlie.” His grey moustache moved at the mention of my name. “You’ve suffered a traumatic blow to the head. You were unconscious when they brought you in. You’ve been asleep for two days.”

I shifted my attention to the nurse, feeling uncomfortable under the doctor’s watchful eyes. Her face was pale and she chewed on her bottom lip. I almost felt bad for her. She’d been refilling the water basin when I’d woken, wide eyed and mumbling something even I couldn’t understand. She’d dropped the water pitcher in her efforts to fetch the doctor as fast as she could.

“I know this must be quite a shock to you, waking up with no idea where you are. But can you answer some questions for me?” He paused before continuing. “Charlie? Can you do that?”

“Where am I?” I didn’t recognize my voice. It had become raspy in the days I’d been asleep, trapped inside my own mind.

“You're at one of the field hospitals. You’re safe now, Charlie. It’s alright.” He grabbed a stool that was pushed up against the canvas wall and slumped down onto it, so he was at eye level with me. “Do you remember why you came to Hong Kong? Take your time. We don’t want you to feel overwhelmed.”

I almost laughed at his words. The entire room, with its dirt floors and canvas cots that acted as hospital beds was more than enough to make anyone feel overwhelmed. But I swallowed down the dryness in my throat and said, “they needed soldiers to defend the island. They said it was just a precaution.”

The doctor nodded, a silent reply for me to continue. I told him about the day the gold masted Awatea docked in Hong Kong’s Kowloon harbour. I remembered staring down into the ocean, it’s waters so clear I could almost see to the very bottom. But nothing surprised me like the heat did. I didn’t think it was possible for a place to be that hot. I’d made a mental note to write to Evelyn the first chance I got and smiled as I imagined her reading my words, marveling at the beauty this place had once held.

“Can you tell me what happened after that?”

Pain pulsed at the back of my head and I quickly shut my eyes, hoping it would pass. I drew in a breath and said through gritted teeth, “when we heard about Pearl Harbour, the officers...they told us to prepare for an attack.”

The doctor shared a look with the nurse. I didn’t understand why until he said, “do you remember how you got injured, Charlie?”

I paused, picking apart my memories, trying to find the one that would reveal those final moments before I lost consciousness. But no matter how hard I tried to remember, nothing resurfaced. Swallowing, I met the doctor's wide eyes.

“I-I don’t know. I just remember falling, but not what happened before.”

He watched me for a moment, as if half expecting me to suddenly remember. When he shook his head and stood, I knew he had all the answers he needed.

“Right then. Charlotte will help you get settled. I’ll return in a few hours, but until then, get some rest.” He turned to leave but paused at the wooden post that kept the tent from collapsing in on itself. “And try not to worry about not remembering. It’s normal to have bits of memories that never come back.”

I didn’t know if his words were supposed to reassure me or not.

“Need anything while I’m here, Private?” I’d almost forgotten the nurse, Charlotte, was still there.

When I shook my head, her eyes fell to the ground. She waited, but when I didn’t say anything she turned to leave. “You really should get some rest. We’re getting more men sent to us and in another hour, we’re going to have to start adding cots. This place will be busy.”

The pain that pulsed behind my head worsened and I closed my eyes. As they became heavy with sleep, I thought I heard her say, “you did a brave thing out there, Private. Not many others would have thought about doing what you did.”

But I couldn’t be sure. My muscles relaxed and I was reacquainted with the darkness.

***

I was back in that forest where terror filled screams of men echoed and the ground was wet with blood. The trees blended in a blur of green and brown, but then I blinked, and they came into focus.

I stood there, staring out at the scene before me, until the familiar popping of the guns reminded me of where I was. I crouched and pulled my rifle close to my chest. My hands were slick with mud and I cursed as the rifle slipped from them.

An ear shattering blast tore apart the trees I had just passed and I shielded my head as clumps of branches littered the ground. A man screamed, and my stomach clenched. I fought the urge to vomit.

The officers had told us to keep moving forward, that it was the medical officers who would help bring back the wounded. I told myself I was just following orders as I marched ahead, away from the screams.

I crouched as another round of bullets sliced the air. I couldn’t see where they were coming from but I caught a glimpse of a trunk that had been splintered in half. I gripped my rifle close to my chest, drew in a breath and ran.

A man was crouched behind the trunk to my right and when I landed on the wet ground, he nodded before running forward to the next one that would shield him from the bullets. He hadn’t made it a few steps when an ear shattering crack shook the ground he stood on.

I was glad for the ringing in my ears. It kept the screams from reaching me. I shut my eyes as the ringing faded away and I heard him screaming, begging out for someone to help. I tried to remember my orders. To get as far ahead as I could. But as I lifted my head above the trunk and saw him lying there, I knew I couldn’t just leave.

I crawled the few steps between us, the ground now carved with craters and knelt down so I was hidden out of sight. He held his leg above the knee and I let my eyes travel down until—

My face paled. Below his knee, where the rest of his leg should have been, a bloody stump was in its place. Muscles hung in loose strings as if they had been shredded away. Blood oozed onto the ground as his body trembled.

“Help me.” He was shaking so violently, I couldn’t make out what colour his eyes were. “Please, help me.”

Before I could tell him it would be okay, a firm hand gripped my shoulders. I recognized Captain Wolf’s voice instantly. “Keep moving, Aitken. The medical officers are moving in behind us. They’ll be here soon to help him.” He leant forward so he was out of earshot of the man. “He won’t make it an hour. I’ll stay with him for as long as I can, but they need you up ahead.”

He pushed me forward and I looked back only once to see him holding the man’s hand, telling him it would be okay even though there was nothing that could be done.

***

When I awoke, the tent was still shrouded in sunlight. I blinked, letting my eyes adjust to the light before lifting my head from the pillow. A white curtain that hadn’t been there before, was draped across two poles, separating me from the others.

“I was wondering when you’d wake.” My muscles seized and I turned towards the voice. A man was seated on the same stool the doctor had been slumped over earlier, his boot tapping the dirt floor.

I parted my lips, the words forming on my tongue but the curtain was pushed aside and Charlotte entered, a metal tray balanced on her arms. She didn’t so much as turn her chin towards the man and he didn’t acknowledge her either. Maybe they’d had their chance to talk when I’d been asleep.

“How are you feeling, Private?” She placed a tin plate at the end of the cot. “Do you think you could eat something?”

My stomach grumbled at the thought of eating something other than stale crackers.

“It’s not much. Just some bread and jam, but the others acted like it was the best thing to happen to them.” She chuckled lightly.

“You have no idea how much a bit of bread and jam means.”

Her smile disappeared as fast as it had come. I hadn’t meant to sound so rigid, but even she couldn’t understand what it had been like without food for days.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun. I don’t pretend to know what it’s like out there. I see how the war leaves scars and I hear the stories from those who want to talk about it, but…” Her voice cracked and she shook her head to clear her thoughts. When her eyes met mine, there was no sign of the thin lipped frown she had worn moments ago.

She reached for the tin plate again and I sat up as she placed it within my open palms. I don’t know why I reached out for her, but I did and she turned around with wide eyes staring down at my fingers curled around her wrist.

“Thank you. Really.” Her smile was answer enough. I watched her before breaking apart a piece of stale bread and shoving it in my mouth. I hadn’t even finished swallowing as I started chewing on another. I couldn’t savour the taste of it fast enough.

“I’ve been watching that one all morning. She seems timid, but I think underneath all of it, she cares about every single person in here.”

I startled and swallowed, coughing on pieces of bread I hadn’t chewed all the way through. I’d almost forgotten the man was seated in the corner and when I turned towards him, he lifted his eyes from the ground. His eyes were blue, the same shade as the water I had spent weeks sailing through. He had black hair that was just visible underneath his khaki cap. It was his uniform that caught my eye. It didn’t have a smudge of dirt on it or even a stain of blood, when mine was stiff from it.

When I had cleared my throat, I said, “who are you?”

“Lance Corporal Cal Rosemund.”

I extended my hand but he didn’t take one glance at it. “Charlie Aitken.”

“I know.” He paused. “What I mean is that I’ve heard about you. The others… they can’t stop talking about you.”

“The doctor said my memories might never come back. I thought I heard the nurse tell me I did something. Something I should be proud of.” I chewed on another piece of bread. “But I can’t remember.”

Cal nodded. “You don’t remember? Not anything at all?”

I remembered my dream then, the one where that man had lost his leg and I’d been shoved forward. I had thought it was just one of my many nightmares come back to haunt me. I didn’t want to give myself the hope that they were bits of my memories I was getting back.

“I had a dream. There was a man who was wounded, but I was pushed forward before I could help him.”

Cal looked down at his hands. “Maybe it’s a memory. Do you remember anything after that?”

I shook my head. “No.”

Cal stood and wiped his hands on the front of his jacket. It didn’t shift an inch under his touch. He moved towards the curtain but I stopped him before he could reach out a hand.

“Will you be back?” I tried not to sound desperate for his return. But in the few words we’d shared, I remembered how much I missed talking to someone else.

“You’ll know where to find me. But Charlie? Try to remember.”

I stiffened. “Why does it matter to you so much?”

He simply shrugged and said, “because it just does.”

“How will I know where to find you?”

Cal smiled, pearl white teeth flashing back at me. “When you remember, you’ll know where to find me.”

He was gone before I could blink and I was left alone to wonder over his words. Setting the plate at the end of the cot, I closed my eyes and rolled on my side. I was asleep before I could count to ten.

***

I dreamt of the beaches with their white sand and turquoise blue waters. I remembered writing to Evelyn after a long day of training. I’d tried to write down the beauty of them but eventually gave up. I didn’t think there were any words that would give them justice and so I settled for a simple letter that asked about our son and my parents.

Two weeks later, I sent another. One that I hoped would reassure I was fine, that everything would be okay. I was sure she’d heard about the attack on Pearl Harbour, and like many, feared the worst.

I had managed to sound convincing, but I knew every man shared the same thought I did, when the radio we huddled around talked of a war in the Pacific. Not one of us was ready for battle. Yet, when we marched forward from the wet beaches that day we received news the Japanese army was headed our way, no one objected to the orders we received.

I drew in a breath to clear my mind. Now was not the time to think of anything else other than catching up with the others. Captain Wolf had said they needed help holding the line. I feared what had happened in the time I’d been trying to catch up.

I pushed down the thought and ran forward. I had to step around the bodies that littered the ground. The smell of rotting flesh and the faint buzzing in the air told me the flies had started to get at them. I used the collar of my shirt to shield my nose from the smell.

My father once told me stories about those years he spent in France. He’d been drinking one night when he started talking about the friends he’d sailed overseas with. I’d known he might never talk about it again, so I asked questions. After hearing the things he told me, how he could never unsee his friends being ripped apart by shrapnel, I knew I’d never understand why he often drank himself to sleep. When I’d enlisted with the Royal Rifles, I still didn’t think I’d ever truly understand. Looking out at the bodies of men, wondering if their wives and mothers still thought they’d be coming back to them, I wondered if I should have listened to Evelyn and stayed home.

Shouts from up ahead pulled me from my thoughts. I took one step forwards and a twig snapped. I looked down at my feet and swallowed when I noticed I was standing on mud, no twig in sight.

My rifle was already aimed when I slid behind a mound of dirt that would shield me from sight. I could make out movement from somewhere off to my right. I drew in a breath, lifted my rifle. But a man wearing the same uniform I did, stumbled forward. I stood and—

I shielded my head as the ground he had been standing on exploded. I waited for his screams, but none came. He was lying on his back, half a dozen feet away from where he had been standing.

I was sure he was dead, but then he turned his head. His helmet was gone, revealing black hair that was matted with blood. He watched me with eyes that were as blue as the sea.

***

I sat up and threw the sheet towards the end of the cot, where my feet, still wearing my boots, rested. Lifting a hand, I noticed my forehead and cheeks were damp. I pressed fingers to my chest and stomach, fearing that I’d find an open wound. Nothing.

The curtain flew open and I caught a glimpse of the rows of cots where men like me lay helpless. Some lifted their heads and snapped their fingers to get the attention of those next to them. I was glad when the doctor entered and pulled it shut.

“Charlie!” He knelt at my bedside. Deep wrinkles pulled at the corners of his eyes. He looked like he’d aged since the last time I saw him.

“You’re alright, Charlie. It was just a dream.”

The curtain was pulled back a second time, and I looked up to find Charlotte watching me. Her eyes travelled from my tear stained face to the triangle of tanned skin that was visible below my neck before settling on my hands. She covered her mouth with her hand.

I followed her gaze and understood why. I had fistfuls of the wool blanket in my palms, my knuckles white from clenching it so tightly. I quickly relaxed my hands and slid them underneath, out of sight.

“I’m sorry. I-I—“

“It’s okay, son. We don’t blame you for having dreams.” He stood, waving his hand in a silent request for Charlotte to cross the steps that stood between us. She dipped a cloth in the water basin.

“Sir?” The doctor turned around. I tried not to look at his blood stained sleeves.

“Is it possible that my dreams are my memories?”

He slid his hands into the pockets of his coat and nodded. “That is possible. Do you think you may be remembering?”

“I think so.”

He nodded. “That’s good, Charlie.”

Charlotte placed the damp cloth on my forehead, wiping away the sweat that stuck to my skin. I straightened so I could see the doctor above her head.

“There was a man here earlier. He said his name was Cal. I think he was there with me.” I didn’t miss the glance the two of them shared. Or the way Charlotte refused to meet my eyes afterwards.

“You must have been dreaming, Charlie. I’ve given strict orders that no one else is allowed in here.”

“Do you know who he is at least? He said his—“

The doctor massaged the bridge of his nose and said, “I have a lot of patients. I can’t remember all of their names.” I didn’t try to stop him as he marched out through the curtain.

Charlotte finished wiping away my forehead. “There you go, Private. Need anything else?”

I nodded. If the doctor wasn’t going to help, then I’d have to find Cal myself. He did say I’d know where to find him, whatever that meant. “Yes. Will you help me walk?”

“Oh. I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

I hated that my shoulders started to tremble. If Charlotte noticed, she didn’t say. “Please. I can’t go back to sleep again.”

Straightening, she chewed on her bottom lip. She was silent for a moment or two and I wondered if that was a good sign or not. I relaxed into the stiff cot, expecting her to make an excuse that another patient needed her attention. I wasn’t foolish enough to try and walk by myself.

“Fine. But only ten minutes.”

I smiled for the first time in a long while.

The humidity hit me as soon as Charlotte pushed back the tent’s main flaps and I took my first step into the sunlight. I’d forgotten how hot it was underneath the sun, when the rain wasn’t bone chilling. Charlotte hadn’t said a word since she helped me from my cot. I’d been too focused on scanning the faces we passed to bother saying anything either.

“Tell me a memory, Private.”

My eyes never left those of the men we passed as I said, “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Tell me something you remember from back home. Anything you want to.”

Something clenched deep inside my chest. I hadn’t thought of home since that day we received orders we were preparing for invasion. I knew it would have been risky to think of home. After I witnessed the first man fall down next to me, I knew it was only a hope that I’d ever return home. But I was here now, away from the bullets and the fear. I was safe, at least for now. And so, I let myself think of home and the first memory that entered my mind. I smiled.

“My father moved my family to Quebec in April. We weren’t expecting to spend a last winter at the farm in Calgary, but with my father's bad leg and my brother gone, he had no other choice really. To help with the bills, I got a job at the library reshelving the books people returned. I was so nervous that first day. I’d had to drop out of school on my sixteenth birthday to help out on the farm and well, reading doesn’t come easy.” I chuckled, remembering how much I’d shaken that day, trying so hard to calm my nerves.

“I had searched for thirty minutes, trying to find where Brontë’s Jane Eyre was supposed to go, when a woman walked up and said she’d been waiting all week for it to be returned. I couldn’t speak. She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.”

Charlotte smiled. “Your wife?”

I turned to face her. “How did you—“

“You talk as if she is an angel.” She jutted her chin towards the hand that rested on her curved elbow for support and chuckled. “I noticed the ring but I didn’t want to assume anything. You haven’t talked about her until now.”

Chewing on the inside of my cheek, I said, “when I awoke, I didn’t want to give myself the hope that I was back home. I didn’t want to hope that Evelyn would come walking through that curtain.”

A man passed us, his uniform crisp and clean. He wasn’t limping, just like Cal but I told myself it wasn’t him. When I noticed the black hair that peeked out from underneath his cap, I drew in a breath.

“Cal?”

The man turned and I swallowed. A large scar ran from his ear to his nose that was now only a twisted mass of flesh. His lips were pulled tightly across his face and when I looked closely, I noticed the stitches that held his skin together. My stomach rolled. I didn’t want to imagine what piece of shrapnel or bullet had left his face in scars, yet the images still entered my mind.

“I think you have the wrong person. I don’t know anyone named Cal.” The man turned and I was left to clear my mind from the image of his damaged face. I was thankful when Charlotte broke the silence, drawing me away from my thoughts.

“I don’t know how you boys do it. After the stories of the Great War, you’d think people would just refuse to enlist.”

“You’re here.”

She nodded to a nurse that passed, her front stained with the blood of another. I didn’t want to think if the man whose blood it was had made it or not.

“I wasn’t supposed to be. My sister wanted to train as a nurse and she convinced me to join her. She said I’d probably never have to serve and so, I agreed. When we heard that nurses were needed to join two Canadian battalions, she was chosen. A week before we were to sail, my sister caught a fever. They chose me to replace her.”

I chuckled. “We have something in common, then.”

Brown eyes met mine as she said, “what do you mean?”

“My brother was the one who was going to go off and fight while I stayed back to help my parents settle into the apartment. He had joined to become a pilot, and in February he was sent into the Atlantic. When I received the telegram saying his plane had been shot down, I was so angry that I got up and left. I was gone for a day, and when I returned, Evelyn was furious. She said my parents were about to call the police. She cried that night when I told her I was enlisting. If I’d known she was expecting our first child, I wouldn’t have bothered.”

Charlotte was silent for a moment. “Why did you join then?”

I shrugged. “I guess I thought that by enlisting, I could honour Edward’s decision to leave. I was so angry with him for leaving us. A part of me wanted to get away so I wouldn’t have to watch the way his death killed my mother. It was selfish. I see that now.”

“I will never understand why countries insist on fighting wars when they leave their men crippled.”

We were both silent, left to think of home and everything we had left behind. If I ever made it back, if this fighting ever ended, I’d promise Evelyn and my parents that I would never leave them again.

“We should be heading back. It’s been more than ten minutes.”

I didn’t object. I’d had plenty of time to try and find Cal. He said I’d know where to find him once I remembered. I’d seen him in my dream and couldn’t help but wonder if there was more. But then I remembered Charlotte’s words from earlier. You should be proud, Private.

“Earlier you said there was something I should be proud of doing.”

Her arms stiffened and I knew she was lying when she said, “I don’t remember saying anything like that.”

“The doctor swears no one was allowed behind the curtain, but I know I talked to a man. He said when I remembered, I could find him.”

“Private, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her pace quickened and I was pulled ahead, each step bringing me closer and closer to my cot. I stepped back and pulled my arm out of her grip. My head swam with dizziness and when she reached out, I didn’t try to push her away again.

“I really should be getting you back. If the doctor sees you in this state…” She shook her head at the thought.

I let her lead me through the tent where a dozen eyes met mine. A man whose hair was covered by white bandages, nodded his chin. I nodded back.

Charlotte gripped my arms as she helped lower me into the cot. My muscles instantly relaxed when my head pressed against the stiff pillow.

She turned towards the curtain. I was quickly fading into sleep as I said, “will you try and find him? Cal, that is.”

She bit the inside of her cheek. “Try to get some rest, Private. You’ll feel much better.”

I closed my eyes. I thought about Cal and why no one would answer my questions. I pictured his blue eyes as I slipped into the darkness.

***

I watched those blue eyes for a moment, waiting to see if they’d blink. The man hadn’t started to scream yet, but maybe he hadn’t been hit. I found that rather unlikely, considering how far he’d been thrown.

The man’s lips parted and when he coughed, a thin line of blood trickled down his chin. I remembered Captain Wolf’s orders. To keep moving ahead. But then I remembered the man with the missing leg. I’d left him there to die. I didn’t want two faces to haunt me at night.

I focused on his eyes as I closed the gap between us. There was a mound of dirt that had formed from the blast. I slid my rifle onto my back and gripped the collar of his jacket, dragging him into the crater and out of sight. His face was streaked with blood and I searched his head for the wound it was leaking from.

He pointed to his leg and my eyes traveled down his torso, resting on the hole the size of his fist. Strands of muscle had been ripped from underneath the surface and I was sure I could see bone if it wasn’t for the pool of warm of blood. I cursed. If the medical officers didn’t reach him soon, he’d bleed out right in front of me.

“What’s your name?”

His words were slurred as he said, “Cal Rosemund.”

“Cal, I’m going to help you. You’re going to be alright.”

Cal shook his head. “No. Leave me.” He was trembling so violently, I had to grip his shoulders to keep him steady. “They need help up ahead. I’m not going to make it.”

“I won’t leave you here. I can get you help.” The truth was, I didn’t know how far back the medical officers were. He could very well bleed to death before I reached them. But I couldn’t leave another man behind.

Cal groaned as I hooked my arm underneath his back and lifted him onto my shoulders. I didn’t know if this would work. I just hoped the trees and smoke would provide us enough cover. Using one hand to hold his arm and good leg in place, I started to run back the way I had just come.

I passed the clearing where Captain Wolf had stayed behind, the ground no longer recognizable. He was gone and I turned my chin just enough to catch a glimpse of the man he had stayed behind for. His eyes silently watched mine as I passed. I knew I’d see those eyes in my nightmares.

I stepped forward and my boot slipped on a patch of mud. Cal cried out as I tumbled forward, my cheek colliding with the ground. I recoiled in horror. It wasn’t mud I had slipped in, but the gore of a man who had been shot through the middle. I clamped my eyes shut but Cal’s groans pulled me back. I hoisted him back onto my shoulders and ignored the wave of nausea that pushed up from my stomach at the scent of rotting flesh.

There were voices up ahead but I didn’t let myself hope until two figures emerged from the smoke. My rifle fell to the ground with a clatter, but I didn’t move to retrieve it. Ten steps. That’s all it would take until I could pass Cal off to one of the medical officers.

One of the figures stooped down and placed two fingers below a man’s chin. He shook his head before moving on to the next. I shouted above the sound of bullets. When the figure turned towards my voice, I almost sagged in relief.

“Where has he been hit?” The medical officer reached out and gripped onto Cal, lowering him onto the ground.

“His thigh. He’s bleeding fast.”

He reached inside his pack and pulled out a piece of fabric. I watched as he tied it tightly across Cal’s thigh, above the flesh that had been ripped apart. “You might have just saved this man’s life.” He reached forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. His chin was smudged with dirt or stubble, I couldn’t tell. “Are you wounded, son?”

“No. I just couldn’t leave him there to die.”

“You did a good thing.”

We both nodded and I turned back to retrieve the rifle I had lost along the way. I made it only one step before the ground slipped from underneath me and I was sent tumbling through the air. The last thing I remembered was the officer shouting as my head slammed against the ground.

***

Canadian Field Hospital, December 25th, 1941

I awoke to the noise of water and lifted my head from the pillow. Charlotte turned around, a pitcher of water in one hand with a cloth in the other.

“Good morning, Private.”

I rubbed my eyes. “I slept the whole night?”

“I was going to see if you wanted some food, but the doctor told me to let you be.” She reached inside her pocket and pulled out a piece of parchment and a shortened pencil. “Before I forget, this is for you.” She set them both down at the end of the cot.

“What’s it for?”

“We thought maybe you’d want to send a letter back home. Wish your family a Merry Christmas, perhaps.”

I’d almost forgotten it was Christmas Day. I imagined Evelyn arriving at my parents apartment in a few hours with presents and her famous apple pie. I imagined our son, Jason, dressed in a red and green jumper, my mother no doubt fawning over him. I tried to imagine my father claiming he was going to set aside his drink for the day, but couldn’t. There wasn’t a single Christmas he didn’t pull out his whiskey, even just to have one gulp full.

“I wrote to my sister this morning. I hope it’s alright that I mentioned you.”

“What did you say?”

She shrugged. “Just that it makes this job a bit more bearable to see men like you recovering from the war. Or at least trying to.”

Looking down at my hands, I said, “I don’t think I’ll ever truly recover.” I waited for her reply. When there was none, I added, “I remember what happened.”

“Oh?”

“I saved Cal, didn’t I? That’s what you were talking about when you said I should be proud.”

Her face fell and I was sure she was going to drop the pitcher full of water. “I’ll go fetch the doctor.”

“No. Please don’t.”

“He’ll want to ask you some questions. To make sure you remember everything.”

She started to leave and I said, “Charlotte? Where’s Cal?”

When her eyes met mine, they were glossed over and she bit down on her lip to keep it from trembling. “The doctor told me I couldn’t talk to you about this. He said he didn’t want to upset you. He wanted you to recover first.”

My breath hitched in my throat. “He made it back though? That’s why he was here.”

The doctor entered through the curtain then, and I watched him whisper something to her. I flinched when the pitcher dropped to the ground.

“What is it?”

The doctor turned his eyes to me and it was fear that looked back. “We’ve lost. The Japanese pushed through our line this morning. It won’t be long until they arrive.”

I thought I was going to be sick. I thought I’d escaped the horror. I thought I was safe.

“I need you to help me. The news is getting around. We need to help keep everyone calm.”

I couldn’t stop the words from rolling off my tongue. “No.”

Charlotte’s wide eyes turned to me. “We don’t have—“

“I need to know what happened to Cal.”

It was now the doctor whose eyes turned on me. “Charlie, Cal died two days ago.”

So he did know who I was asking about earlier.

“When the medical officers brought the two of you in, Cal was brought into surgery. He had lost a lot of blood, but I was sure he could make it. When he went into shock, there was nothing I could do to save him. I’m sorry, Charlie.”

Heat bubbled deep in my veins. “I don’t understand. I talked to him. He sat right there.” I pointed a finger at the stool where Cal had talked to me from.

“Hallucinations are common after a traumatic injury. It’s possible that your mind was trying to recover your memories before you could remember and that’s why you think you saw Cal.”

I remembered then. How Cal’s uniform was spotless, his teeth white. He hadn’t wanted to shake my hand when I’d offered it. And as I thought back to that moment, I realized I never watched Cal leave through the curtain. He had just disappeared like he’d never been there at all.

I stumbled backwards as shouts echoed from outside the tent. We all turned as they became clear. Charlotte started to cry.

They’re coming! The Japs are coming!

The doctor ran into the other room and I quickly followed. I watched in horror as he urged the men who could stand on their feet. Within seconds, Charlotte was with him, helping those who couldn’t do more than lift their heads off their pillows.

I looked behind once more, knowing that any minute, a dozen or so soldiers would march through the tent’s flap, their rifles and bayonets at the ready.

Cal was sitting on the stool and nodded. A silent thanks. I blinked, and he was gone.

***

Quebec City, November 1991

“I spent nearly four years in Hong Kong after that day. Charlotte did everything she could to save those who couldn’t get out of their cots. When the Japanese raided the tent, she used her body to shield those she could from them.” A single tear slid down my cheek at the memory of her protecting those men. In the short time I’d known her, Charlotte was a timid young woman who shouldn’t have been anywhere near the war. That day, she became a hero.

The woman sitting across from me sniffled. “What happened to her?”

I paused. There wasn’t a day that went by where I didn’t think of Charlotte. It had been fifty years, but that day never left my memory. When Jason had told me the local newspaper wanted to do a piece on the stories of veterans, I had rejected the offer. It wasn’t until I’d received that call a month back. After fifty years, Charlotte’s sister had worked up the nerve to look me up. Our talk was brief, but in those few moments, I realized how much it had meant for her to talk about her sister’s story. I thought I owed it to the both of them to tell mine.

“They killed Charlotte for doing it and then killed the men she’d tried to save just because they could.”

The woman scribbled a few words on paper, paused and then returned her eyes to me. “When I contacted your son, he said he had access to the diary you kept as a prisoner.”

I nodded. I had given it to him years ago so he could know my story. I knew I could never tell him myself.

“Your son mentioned a name he found. Can you tell me who Cal was, Mr. Aitken?”

I drew in a breath. “I haven’t heard that name in a very long time.”

She gave me a small smile. “Can you tell me a bit about him?”

I never told anyone about Cal or how I’d tried to save him. Not even Evelyn had known about the mysterious man who’d appeared at my bedside.

I thought of Cal often in those years I remained in Hong Kong. Sometimes, I even envied him. He’d died long before the true horror had started. But even when I did envy Cal, I never forgot our conversation that day he appeared at my bedside.

The doctor told me I had hallucinated that Cal had ever been there, but I believe that wasn’t the case. I believe it was Cal that helped me remember. The moment I decided to try and save him, we had made a silent vow. A brother’s vow, you could call it. To do whatever we could to save one another.

I looked to the sofa at the other end of the room, imagining Cal sitting there. I imagined his blue eyes and black hair, his face still young while mine had grown weary with age. And I imagined him smiling, nodding as if to urge me on.

I turned to the woman and for the first time in fifty years, I told Cal’s story.