4/31

Today is April 31st. Mostly because we don’t know what day it is anymore. All the bombs went off across the ocean somewhere around April 15th. It’s been a while since then, so April 31st works. I feel like it’s been April 31st for a while now, though. Maybe it’s time to start saying May.

It doesn’t look like May. Heavy gray ash coats everything, and our skin burns as we walk under the rubble of fallen cities. Our lungs burn with every breath, even with our fancy masks and filters in place.

He always walks ahead of me, hand held out behind him, and I reach out and tap it every so often to let him know I’m still here. We’ve gotten quieter as time goes on. There’s not much left, which leaves even less left to talk about. We don’t even touch anymore, except me tapping his hand, and maybe curling up together under whatever shelter we can find when the burning rain falls.

There were more of us, to start. Our families. Our friends. All together to celebrate us. But people change, when everything ends. It all feels surreal. I still don’t know…if they were still conscious beneath the drooping, molten flesh. I hope not. It makes the part involving eating each other’s flesh that much more horrifying.

It’s been a while, so I reach forward to tap his hand. His skin slides under my fingertips, drooping towards the ground and exposing a bloody mess smeared over white bone beneath.

I freeze. He keeps walking forward. My stomach churns, and I wipe my fingers on my pants, my heart twisting painfully in my chest.

My one and only. Till death do us part…the words we would now never get to say.

Logically, I know what comes next. I know…I know he is…was…logical, reasonable. The level-headed one. I know what he would want me to do.

I’m not sure I can do it. It would be so much easier, to just let it all go. To give up. To stop fighting for a better world. To let the last threads of hope fall away. To just keep following.

He hasn’t turned. Hasn’t slowed. Hasn’t noticed that my footsteps had stopped. A chunk of flesh falls from his hand. I close my eyes and swallow hard.

“Goodbye. I love you. I always will.” I breathed. Then I turned, stepping into the wreckage to my left. Carving my own path. Alone.

Time passes. My footsteps echo through the seemingly endless tunnel. I’ve slept in this tunnel three times. I’m not sure if that means it’s been three days anymore. I’ve been on my own for what feels like years. My skin is still…well, not entirely intact or unharmed, but…I’m not dripping goo. Not looking for another vaguely human-ish creature to sink my teeth into. But I have run out of food. He had been carrying more of it. I wonder how much longer I have left to wander before I just…fade away.

The sound of my footsteps changes. The darkness ahead seems somehow slightly less dark.

I carry on. Whatever it is means very little to me now, at this point. But I do…somehow, feel something stirring in my chest as the darkness ahead turns gray. Then to light. My feet scrape against the concrete ground a bit faster, the sound grating on my ears. I hear things I never thought I’d hear again. Animals. Birds. Voices. The sky appears before me.

I drop to my knees at the edge, ready to scream with what little air is left in my lungs, but then I look down. And below me is spread a valley blanketed in green, with riots of color splashed carelessly across the blank canvas. Creatures move about. Animals. People. It’s so far down. It shouldn’t be here? I don’t even know where I am anymore. Isn’t heaven supposed to be above us? Isn’t hell supposed to be miserable?

How am I supposed to get down there? I want so badly to be down there. With the living. The people. A small one, a child, points up at me. The adult next to her pulls her arm down. Appears to be scolding her.

“No,” I whisper. “Notice me. I’m here! I’m here!”

They don’t notice me. I have nothing left to shout with. No voice left to yell. So I lay down and watch, thinking at least my last sight will be this peaceful valley.

And I remember him. My vision blurs. I shouldn’t have just let him carry on like that. I took the coward’s way out. I hope he was already too far gone to notice. To feel disappointment. I had failed him. Abandoned him.

I hope he found his peace.