311 The Day After, Just Without Zombies (or, Is it?)

Note: this author is currently out of commission preparing to leave the country, but not because of the election yesterday. As such, I had to write this in two versions:

1. If Harris won

2. If Trump won

IF HARRIS WON:

Not to flaunt it, but today is National Nacho Day. I look to our southern border and offer cheese peace on tortilla!

Today is National Stress Awareness Day, and now that Trump has lost, I realize how much stress I was under before today. I can feel the plaque in my coronary arteries attenuating as I write.

Today is also the day that Project 2025 is relegated to a footnote in history. So, it looks like we'll have education in this country, a Department of Justice, a CDC and vaccines, and a Russian military up shit's creek without a paddle (but with North Koreans or, as Kim Un calls 'em, cannon fodder for tradin' nuclear secrets).

Today is also Saxophone Day, but I don't know how that figures into anything, except that Bill Clinton seems happy blowing. (With apologies to White House interns.)

IF TRUMP WON:

Then this is Day One: the day he promised he'll be a dictator. From dick to dicktator in one day—quite the success story!

Goodbye education. Goodbye due process. Hello Mr. (do anything you want 'cause you're immune to prosecution) President. Goodbye vaccines; hello measles, mumps, diptheria, polio, small pox, and the conspirational CDC. Hello we-never-landed-on-the-moon. Welcome flat-Earthers, grassy knolls, and those warning us of the chips in government shots.

OK, I'm a fan of space program, so Hello, Mars! Will Trump go there?

Today is Marooned without a Compass Day, and I'm feeling a little disoriented, especially about True North on America's moral compass. But then, the Earth's flat, right? So it doesn't really matter.

Today, I point out again, is National Stress Awareness Day, and—Oh! I'm aware! I am so aware. I know where all the taco cheese we didn't use went—right to my coronary arteries and the rest of my cardiovascular system. Fries for everyone!

Did I mention today is National Basketball Day? No? He loooves basketball, along with all the other things. Except folks like me.

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

For Wednesday, National Nacho Day, National Stress Awareness Day, Saxophone Day, Marooned without a Compass Day, National Basketball Day, November 6, Day 311 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge.

366 WORDS (without A/N)

56 DAYS TO GO! THIS CONSTITUTION WOBBLES ON, 366 WARRANTS A DAY.

There are currently three Vocal writers in this 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. (Huh?) Schäfer

• Rachel (Really?) Deeming

• Gerard (What—me worry?) DiLeo

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AUTHOR'S NOTES:

This was supposed to come out tomorrow, Wednesday, November 6, Day 311 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge. Btut... I submitted it today for Sarah Parkers unoff. challenge at https://vocal.media/writers/election-day-unofficial-challenge.

366 WORDS (without A/N)

56 DAYS TO GO! THIS ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE EATS ON, 366 BRAINS A DAY.

There are currently three Vocal writers in this 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge:

• L.C. (Zombus) Schäfer

• Rachel (Rhombus) Deeming

• Gerard (E Pluribus) DiLeo