106 Guns, Bullets, and People: "Deducting" Them

Just because I'm a hitman doesn't mean I'll cheat the government. I follow the rules. I report all of my earnings.

My victims? Let's just say they didn't follow the rules. Somebody's, anyway. They screwed up either by design or because of fecklessness, but that's not my problem. I perform a service and once rendered, I'm paid and paid well.

It's not cheap being a hitman. You need to travel. A lot. And I'm not the type of guy to ride coach. Hell, I wanna take out half the people sitting next to me who feel they gotta yap-yap-yap all flight long. And that armrest hog, well, why, I could... It's why I fly first class.

I don't work for free or for me. I'm not putting any marks on people I'm not paid to "do." And I don't work for my anger; I work for other people's anger. I just take my assignments, get paid, and file my taxes like any other red-blooded American 2nd-Amendment champion.

This year I'm going to take deductions. I pay taxes and I'm entitled to take any legal deduction allowed, right? Why should I have to leave money on the table? If Big Tobacco CEOs are allowed to deduct, with all the death they broker every day, then I should be able, too.

A very nice gun can cost a coupla K. Trump ended the depreciation of durable equipment, so I can deduct the entire amount instead of just depreciating it over years like before. I wonder if it was guns he had in mind when he changed that tax law. I'm not complaining.

When I considered deducting the cost of my bullets, I decided not to. For one thing, the government may not even flinch about deducting a gun, but they're sure gonna be curious about bullets. Second, I only go through about three or four very well-place-bullets a week--I mean how much could that really amount to?

So yes, I work for a living. And yes, I pay my taxes. And no, I don't take anyone down for personal reasons, just business. I just wonder how that jives for the guy they said was coming to audit me.

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Word count (without Author's Notes): 366

My submission for Tax Day, Monday, April 15: Day #106 of the 2024 Story-a-Day Challenge.

All pictures are AI-generated, but the write-offs are not!

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