You Offended Me By Letting A Child Unwrap Your Present

Christmas is always an eye-opening time for me. You see things in a different way when the stress is high and the expectations of fun and frivolity are even higher.

And when you're handing over presents to children, I always find it fascinating to watch them devour the paper. And find out what's hidden inside.

But this Christmas, I saw something that as a childless adult, that didn't sit well with me. I watched a child open a present that wasn't theirs.

Admittedly I had seen this before. Yet, this was the first time I took issue with it, so to speak. Well, I'm not losing sleep over it.

Yet, once I reflected upon the situation and looked at how it all played out, I couldn't quite understand why the parent kept letting it happen.

Whose got the present?

It was during one of many social events that I gave out presents this year. I spent long and hard putting Christmas together. 

I had more presents to buy than usual, and thanks to an odd circumstance which I won't go into, I wanted to make sure these presents were meaningful.

And let's not forget all the hours I spent wrapping presents and all my hard-earned money spent on the gift. What looks like a simple gesture is never as simple as it looks. As a gift giver, you know that.

This gift-giving happened just before Christmas. Now, I'm not going to go into what my relationship with these people is to me. It isn't relevant either.

When I handed one of my carefully chosen presents to an adult, this person invited a small nearby child to help them open the present. They both tore part of the present open together. 

There was a second one, which the child seized and began opening without the adult noticing. The adult was still admiring the first gift, too busy to notice.

I told the child to wait for the adult, that the present wasn't for them. It wasn't a telling-off; I said it very light-heartedly and with a big old smile. The parent of the child gave me a stare and said it was fine.

The child continued to open presents that weren't theirs.

Did I have a point?

I had zero intention of parenting the child, and I hope it didn't come off like that. The moment I said it I instantly regretted it in fear it was. I wasn't trying to act like a parent or rock the boat.

Yet, despite that (it's not the issue on hand here), it doesn't change the fact I disagree with the parent. I don't think it was fine.

I didn't give a present to the child

In this situation, I wasn't giving the present to the child. I was giving a present to this adult. I had carefully chosen, wrapped, and handed the gift to them for them to open. 

When I picked the present, it wasn't for a child, any child, to become involved with.

It's in the same way I give the child a present just for them, only for them to open and enjoy. 

God forbid what would happen if the wrong person opened a child's present. All hell would break lose. You could say I don't understand why it's ok for the roles to reverse. 

My concern as the gift giver is that this child learns every present I give someone else also involves them.

If they see a present leave my hand to someone else, they believe it's:

• For them
• For them to open
• For them to be apart of

That's not my intention as a gift giver. That's not a precedent I want to establish, especially if the gift is something that isn't child friendly. 

Thankfully this was a present that was PG and appropriate for children to see.

What would the mother have done if I had purchased a sex toy for the adult and their child unwrapped it?

You could say it would be inappropriate for me to give this present in front of a child. I would agree with you. But you get what I'm saying.

Some parents don't let their children watch screens, for example. What if this gift was an iPad and the child thinks it's for them? What does the parent do then?

This thought leads me to…

I don't want to disappoint the child

As you can imagine, the child opened the present and it wasn't for them. Of course, right? So what happens next? 

The adult has to take the present off the child. 

The parent had to assist in this, too, explaining to the child it wasn't for them. For me, that was frustrating. I had just said that and tried to stop this situation. 

Alas, what I was hoping to avoid played out. The child became upset the present was taken away from them. 

They didn't understand why. Instead, it felt like punishment to them. Like a Christmas robber came and took away what was theirs. 

It was awful to watch. 

I felt heartbroken for the child because this was avoidable. I felt like everyone in the situation set them up for confusion and disappointment by letting them be partially involved in the presents before taking them away.

As the gift giver, I felt like it was my fault. 

Like I should have been giving this present to the child. It then made me think all the presents should have been given to the child. It soured the experience for everyone involved.

And I don't want to feel offended

When you spend time choosing the perfect present, wrapping it, and giving a person a gift, you want to see them open it. You want to see the person's face as they discover your loving gift for them. 

What you didn't sign up for was a person, of any age for that matter, open it on their behalf. 

It loses the magic. It loses the intention behind presenting the gift and having the person open it.

Adults deserve the magic of opening presents on their own and having those exciting feelings that come from peeling back the paper. Why should that disappear when children are around? 

Why are presents just for the kids?

And it robs the gift giver of so much too. You don't pick a present thinking someone else is going to open it with them. The idea of the gift is to do something special for that person. 

Sharing that moment of peeling back the paper with someone else can sting for a gift giver.

Choosing to share it with someone else is like the person doesn't appreciate what went into it and why we do this.

Now I know we can't choose who we open presents with. As the gift giver, we know we run that risk. 

Yet, as adults who also give gifts, we should understand the thought and effort that goes into it enough to be sensitive to how the other person might feel.

This might not be a big deal for you, by the way. 

You might not care if someone else opens the present on their behalf. You don't get offended by that. And each to their own. 

But just because you don't get offended doesn't mean other people don't. You can't assume everyone is as chilled as you about it.

You do you

I'm not here to tell you what to do. Absolutely no. I'll state once again I'm not a parent and I can't even begin to tell anyone what to do.

But I don't think my observations of the world around me, the young, growing world, are valid. 

It might be something you can't see as a parent. It might be something you don't care about; it could be nothing in the grand scheme of things.

Yet, as someone in your life who's giving gifts to you, I hope you care about the feelings of the people in your life. They might feel hurt but can't find the words to say it.

I felt hurt and I couldn't say it. The whole situation sucked to be part of.

And it doesn't make me want to repeat my mistakes in the future; giving a gift that ended up in the wrong hands and caused disappointment. That's not a good situation for anyone. 

I don't want a crying, hurt child when all I was trying to do was give an adult a Christmas present.

For me, it's a total minefield. Why would I want to get myself into that again?

And let's put it into perspective

This is one of a million things you have to worry about being a parent. I see how hard you work and I understand the battles you have to pick. 

Gift-giving might not rank on the top fifty issues you have. I get it. And it's only five minutes in the grand scheme of things.

Yet, like the situation I was in, I felt like I should have bit my lip. Perhaps I shouldn't have shared this story at all. I'm sure I'm not helping.

But when I saw that little child riddled with confusion, and adults scrambling to calm a situation that could have been avoided, it sucked. For the child. For the adults. For everyone. 

And that's not a win for anyone.

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