Why It Makes You “Attractive” To Be A Stepmother

I love being a stepmother. I love those moments when strangers compliment me randomly when I am out with my stepchild being active.

“You are a great mum, you know?” or “Your daughter is very close to you, isn’t she?” — I am often told.

Others see how much fun we are having together even though I am not her real mum. I am something different, unique — a proud stepmom.

I’ve learned to enjoy every minute of being a stepmother to her. You see, many stepmothers struggle with this role. They feel insecure, unworthy, as an outsider, but they don’t have to feel like this forever.

It takes time to find the right balance in the relationship with your stepchild. In my first year as a stepmom, I had this false, toxic belief that I had to “prove myself”. However, I’ve realized we don’t have to prove ourselves to anyone — we are worthy.

It takes balls to unconditionally love kids that are not yours.

I’ve realized that having a stepchild is an amazing bonus, an added little gift to already an amazing relationship that I have with her father. In some sense, my life began when I met her father, and I am very grateful to get to know her and see her grow, helping to raise and shape her.

Having her in my life has made me a better person and has made my life fuller.

Fresh stepparents worry too much and fear being judged for the mistakes they make. I’ve learned that the best approach is to let things develop at their own pace and without “trying” to change themselves or speed up things. Love needs its time to mature.

Now I know that it’s quite desirable to be a stepmom, and one can have a lot of fun. So when you worry, try to remind yourself of the below 5 reasons that will assure you that you are having one of the best “jobs” in the world. Here they are.

“You can stay yourself 100 %”

Being a parent is no walk in the park. When I see how dedicated and determined my partner is and how he tackles everyday challenges with a teenage kid, I am in awe and quite frankly relieved that’s it not my duty.

Biological parents have so much responsibility for their kids — they are obligated to solve their kid's problems. While stepparents are not.

I only get involved when I am really needed. The kids have so many people already who are trying to influence them or provide their support, they don’t need me to the mix. I am there when the child really wishes me to be. We do “our” things together, which I enjoy.

I am not obliged to watch stupid cat videos or other nonsense. I am a successful stepparent because I know and sometimes even remind my partner when it's time for him to have his alone time with his child. This way, I also have my own time to spend doing things that I always loved to do and not feel guilty about it.

I have enough time to go to the spa myself, to horse ride, to write, to go to concerts — my life hasn’t changed THAT much. I have received a stepchild as an additional amazing gift to an already great life.

I am still in my 20s and I have time before having children of my own. I can work on my career, projects, creative work and friendships without giving up my dreams but I have also received the best possible training and hands-on experience for parenting. And that’s priceless.

“You can FOCUS on having fun your step-kids”

As I said, I can pick things that I want to do with my stepchild. I am in charge of the timetable and we can do things that we both mutually enjoy. If you don’t like dropping kids at the school, and it's not needed — then don't do that.

If I am not in the mood to cook, I don’t do that — we will figure it out, we will go out for a meal. If I want to avoid another visit to the playground, we go to the gallery instead or she goes to the playground with her parents or wider family.

I can pick to do fun things that we BOTH enjoy.

It’s a privilege — quite often parents need to put their fun on hold and do things that only their children enjoy.

Stepmoms and stepdads don’t have to.

“You can be a kid all over again, and not feel GUILTY about it”

I am a young stepmom, just two weeks ago I went with my stepchild to Starbucks and upon ordering drinks a cashier asked: “ Are you paying separately?”

I laughed so much, and so did my stepchild. She is 11. I teased her if she would cover the bill and she answered “Sure ”and took imaginary money out. We laughed even more. The cashier was VERY confused obviously.

I enjoy being able to see the world through her eyes and enjoy myself. I feel at times that I am 15 again and it's such a refreshing feeling! I am a very good listener, and I love how she can talk to me about everything because I am always impartial.

She keeps me young — because I can focus on the NOW with her and not worry as a parent does “what if?”.

“You have the best of the two worlds!”

I have the best of the two worlds. When I am with my partner then we are “childfree”, we can go out, sleep in, travel spontaneously, make love wherever we want and whenever we want. It’s just us two until my stepchild arrives.

And then it the three of us and our lifestyle changes a little bit, we do more things together, we go to the cinema, or for a bike ride and are “parent figures”.

As a stepparent, where shared custody is in place, you can experience the best parts of the two worlds — feel as if you are still young, sexy and have a lot of time with your partner but also make family memories together with your stepchildren. Enjoy it, before you have kids of your own!

“You are not the MUM! And isn’t it awesome?!”

Look stepmoms will never have that bond that mum has with their kids. And that’s great! You don’t want to be a mum yet, do you?

You are not competing with anyone, you are being yourself and you are doing your best — you will have your own special bond. Embrace that feeling that you are actually incomparable, younger perhaps, someone who has been “chosen” to be the stepmom — isn’t that empowering?

When you let go of all the fears, resentments, and prejudice you will become your true self and your stepchild will see that and will love you even more! Don’t ever try to be someone else — you are enough. That’s the best lesson you cal learn.

One step at a time.